i have a beautiful little secret i hold close. it makes me giggle to myself. even more that no one would ever guess. oh man. it helps me get by each monotonous day.

so i had my first two doctor's appointments. do i feel crazy? yes, a little bit ( Read more... )

there have been specific moments in my life where i take a moment to recognize that it feels like that place is exactly where i am supposed to be at that moment. like i just have it right. i never want those times to end.
i never like throwing things away, especially when i have grown an attachment.  like gregory, any of my blankies, and ( Read more... )

 before writing this i was struggling with how honest and blunt i should be in this entry. but really whats the point of trying to get it out if i bleep out certain words, omit important scenes, blur faces for thier(or my) protection. no one likes watching good movies on cable tv, they ruin the best parts. so, no sensors here? we'll see.

i took a ( Read more... )

really, i love to offer all i can as far as support, love, and sympathy to hurting friends. but i am in NO way stable enough to be someone's therapist and means of sanity. i said it in the last one.. i am to weak to be your cure.  its not because i dont care. but i really am trying to handle everything on my plate right now. the increasing panic ( Read more... )

" If I could I would shrink myself
Sink through your skin to your blood cells,
Remove whatever makes you hurt
But I am too weak to be your cure."
i never wanted my sisters to see or deal with anything that could hurt or scar them. i wanted them to grow up happy and loved. and i think for the most part, they have had that.. but lately my mom, who is ( Read more... )

hmm.. so not who i thought?! not e.e.w ( Read more... )

i swear im trying to stop it.  i really want to be happy here ( Read more... )

uh really? was that necessary. not that i didnt expect it. i did. i think i was even waiting for it. my last little piece of you. i guess it sounds dumb but that made it feel like i was still in your life somehow. what did you do of the big picture of me? if you threw it out, thats pretty lame. i dont know why i caarreee. i guess i really believed ( Read more... )

run run run.. run.

i was wrong. i had the signs in the begining, a prediction told me "you are running full speed in the wrong direction."  i wish i had listened. its not SF. its not SFSU. its everything else. im learning to hate you. you had better fix this now, before i quit rooting for you. before i start making this fall apart.