every cell in my body hurts right now, and it will be months, if ever i get a hug from the person i need it from the most. i can honestly say i don't remember the last time i felt like i had no one. maybe it's just me being stubborn and not considering my family, my sister and brian who are here to help me no matter what. but somehow, that just isn ( Read more... )

so, lately i've been feeling like if i had no self control, i'd wear one of those shirts that say "i <3 my bf". lol. who is this "in a relationship" dianna? it's really freaking me out, but i'm kinda happy right now. unfortunately, whenever i feel like this, there's the equally intense feeling of "this isn't gonna last". it's just that...i'm ( Read more... )

it's a friday night right after midnight. i encroached a new rule upon myself that every night at 11:30 (assuming i am not expecting a call from someone important) i will put my phone on airplane mode. i don't want to receive calls after that, and i don't want to worry about receiving phone calls after that. it's a few steps above the " ( Read more... )

i have this intense case of insomnia right now, to the point where i just cleaned my room at 2 am and still can't sleep. and that is my excuse for writing in here after a year-long absence ( Read more... )

one year until i'm a QUARTER of a century old. how fucked up is that? i still feel like i'm 22 ( Read more... )

last year i hated 17-year olds for many reasons, including the fact i always somehow lose out to them.
a year later, they're 18, and i'm still losing out to them....

fuck.

when i first met brian, i used to get completely repulsed by nice words or actions. i was not accustomed to actually being treated like a girlfriend should be. i made a conscious effort to get used to and accept it, and not believe that showing emotion was demasculinizing ( Read more... )

holy shit my thoughts are all over the place. seriously...6 hours a day in the lab measuring seagrass is enough to drive anyone nuts, let alone someone whose significant other of almost 3 years just said "i don't want to do this anymore, i met someone last night" and then 8 days later proposes marriage to said other girl. i mean for christ fucking ( Read more... )

half of me is on top of the world and the other half is completely devastated. i must stick with the former in order to come out of this on top. or, i could just fuck his friend and call it even.

i had no idea when i was writing that journal entry that he had already decided that it was over, and he was done waiting. i'm so devastated. again. i just don't know what to think or how to feel. relieved that i can do whatever i want now? upset because i'm losing the person i love? or thankful that i got out of a relationship with someone who ( Read more... )