this morning is the last time i will be sleeping in my own house for a few days.. i will be leaving to Oregon. i have to admit that i'm somewhat pensive about the entire thing, being that the person we're going to visit was extremely spiteful of me for quite some time.. but hopefully most of that is gone, or at least can be overlooked so that ( Read more... )

sometimes i get the impression that the past can't be gone back to because it really isn't meant to be touched again. when i lie down, my mind spins into a whirlwind of faces, and whenever it comes upon yours, i become absoutely terrified. i never thought i would ever see you again. you were once a friend, but over the course of time, became a ( Read more... )

tonight, the world came dangerously close to spitting me out once again. so far, it has happened twice -- once as a child, with my head sunk in Marianne's grave and my legs flailing out toward the stars in musky tents, and now, with my sunglasses hazed, looking not behind, but forward to what was once stonehenge -- knowing that even if it were ( Read more... )

where to begin, where to begin. lately, it's been difficult to recall a beginning. it seems like everything has always just been going and going -- a piston that always was in motion. i wish the truth, instead of being a state, were just a red steel door in north dakota, where i could just take an airplane and fly out there on a whim to a barn ( Read more... )

i feel like i've been tricked, by the oldest trick in The Book. the kind where someone makes you look at the palm of your hand and then slap you in the face and nearly break your nose. i never meant to say yes; i never had any intention of falling for such a stupid trick ever again of admitting my feelings to someone who only wanted to know just ( Read more... )

"she smelled like trees." the mentally handicapped benjy repeats this in his head persistently, insistently, not really knowing what he's saying. but all of a sudden, you understand. she smelled like trees. now she doesn't. she's gone. and there isn't even anyone left to miss her, and there's nothing left of her except that vague memory of the time ( Read more... )

god, i never knew how much a picture could change a person's life until this point. i've slept better, i've felt better, i've lived better -- all because you were the only thing left that i even marginally cared about, and now you too, are safely put back on the shelf. every day i wake up now i feel like a new person, pure and shed of old skin. ( Read more... )

didn't know our love was, so small,
couldn't stand at all..i have adored this song for so long, but only now do i really find myself really beginning to fully understand it's meaning. i used to be so, so afraid of the concept of "if you love someone enough, sometimes the best thing you can do is let them go." i thought it was a copout, where you ( Read more... )

i think a lot of things about my life revolve around repair. there is so much for me to do, and so much that i honestly try to fix -- but the problem is, as soon as one solution is attempted, another problem that was previously fixed is slowly falling apart once more. my troubles probably revolve around the fact that i have a difficult time ( Read more... )

for someone with so much history -- so rich in your own ideas that you were immiediately ready to run away at the soonest possible moment that you could, i have never seen someone that could possibly make worse decisions than you have in your life. "it won't happen again, don't worry." but it does, it does. and in spite of my lack of authority, ( Read more... )