I had 33 cents. Hot water costs 35 cents. I thought, should I risk it? I'm such a weenie, I didn't want to look like an ass. So I started hunting around for pennies. I found one in my drawer - only one - so I was still 1 cent short. There weren't any on the floor in my cube, but there were a few staples. Blast! Don't tell me I'm going to ( Read more... )

I was just offered a small can of no-name Condensed Vegetable Soup. I think the exact words were, "Would you like some soup? Do you mind? You could throw it in the microwave or take it home or whatever ... it's not expired or anything like that ... ok, great, thanks Chris." Dora, you're a strange one ( Read more... )

That was yesterday. It's a long story. Actually it's not so long. I dropped a cookie on the floor. I wanted to eat the cookie, but it was on the floor. I elected to eat it, because it hadn't been 5 seconds. And thesoundofduck said I could eat dirt if I wanted because it was my birthday ( Read more... )

What shall I write about today?

If you're wondering why I'm posting without actually having a topic to talk about, you're the only one. I MEAN ... I'll tell you. It's because if I don't write a post before thesoundofduck and use this subject line, then ... DIRE CONSEQUENCES will follow. That is to say, um, she'll .. get to do it first, and that's .. bad.

Solve for x:
x + x = 4
2x = 22
10x = 102I apologize in advance. ;)

People have all kinds of relationships. Some people are married, some are friends, some are co-workers/colleagues, some are acquaintances. There's another class of relationship, one that falls slightly below those mentioned, but is one step above "never heard of them". I've developed the hey-factor as an attempt to more finely describe this ( Read more... )

Freakin genius. I love blonde jokes.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/selective_want/2005/04/22/

I believe that if you're going to dominate the world, then it should be done properly. I've received a few donations for weapons of mass destruction, but I can always use more. Please contribute to my cause by campaigning for donations. Here's what I have so far ( Read more... )

When I was listening to "What's wrong with you?", a segment they do on the morning show on my radio station where people call in and tell them what's wrong with them to the delight and ridicule of the morning show hosts in an attempt to win prizes, usually tickets to a concert with other what's-wrong-with-you winners (a concert I'm not sure I'd ( Read more... )

I see you ... staring at me ... mocking me ... with your crooked jaggedness. Something didn't feel quite right when I tried to shove you through the paper with your shoving machine. Indeed, the bottom page just fell off. And there goes another. We have a name for people like you. It's called "useless". You were unable to perform your duty as ( Read more... )