FIC: WHEN OUR FRAMES COLLIDE 7/16
Title: When Our Frames Collide
Chapter: 7/16 - Pay No Mind, My Sorrow Is Fine
Author: carolinablu85. or you can call me Ella! (or you can call me Al, if you like the song...)
Characters: Luke/Noah, Casey, Emily, Marcus (OC), Holden, Lily, Damian, Jack
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: sequel to my fic "Sins of the Father," refers to lots of things that happened in that story, takes place a few months later!
Summary: Casey yells, Luke worries, Lily scolds, Noah reacts (badly).
Disclaimer: I disclaim. I own a pair of sneakers, a cellphone, and some other stuff. The show? Nope, not that.
Author's Note: This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "Let Your Troubles Roll By" by Carbon Leaf!
Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 /
“You really are an insensitive bitch, aren’t you?”
Emily looked up at the voice, surprised considering she hadn’t heard anyone enter the Intruder office. But Casey was standing in the doorway, glaring at her with more anger than she’d seen in him in pretty much ever. “Excuse me?”
He didn’t even seem a little intimidated. Wow, he must really be pissed. “Don’t play dumb, Emily,” he snapped.
She refrained from replying with some witty comeback about playing dumb. Instead, she narrowed her eyes. “I’m not. What’s got you all ’roided up?”
He slammed a hand back against the wall and Emily almost jumped. Almost. “You honestly have no idea? God, this is worse than I thought. You are so self-involved, no, self-obsessed that you have no problem ruining someone else’s life just to satisfy your own-”
“Oh, is this about Noah?” Emily saw Casey close his eyes as though to calm himself, and yet for some reason she kept talking. “Look, Casey, it’s my job to-”
“No, Emily, it’s not your job. What you did? Letting Lucinda think that Noah had been purposefully keeping this a secret? Spilling all that before Noah had a chance to deal? That’s not your job,” his voice was getting tighter, louder.
She sighed. “So what, he’s locked himself in his room crying because I spilled the beans on his little secret?”
She couldn’t be sure, but it was possible that his eyes were glowing red now. “No. He’s not. We don’t know where he is. He took off, thanks to you.”
Emily held her hands up. “Hey, you can’t blame me for that. Whatever his deal is-”
“God, Emily!” Casey shouted. “His deal is you got Lucinda Walsh and the Snyders to ambush him when a bomb had already been dropped on his head! Do you have any ounce of consideration in your body for anyone other than yourself? It’s no wonder you’re alone!”
That made her freeze. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” Casey near-growled. “It’s no wonder. Who would want to be with someone like you? Who would ever want to get close to someone who could betray them, sell them out at a moment’s notice? You’re here at work on a Sunday, you don’t have any friends, you’ve barely got any family. I don’t blame them.” He threw his hands in the air, clenching and unclenching his fists. “I have to go. I can’t stand to look at you anymore.”
“What-?” Emily tried to get more words out, but nothing would come.
And Casey wouldn’t let her. “Shut up. Just… shut up. I have to go try to find my friend and make sure he’s okay. God, if he’s even my friend anymore. It’s my fault, really. I never should have brought him here. I never should have included you. You’re like poison.”
“Hey, I-” Emily would have put up a fight there, but Casey had already turned and left. Emily looked around her office, searching for something she could throw. The only thing not work related on her desk was a framed picture of Alison and Hunter.
She looked at their faces and Casey’s voice rang in her head again- Do you have any ounce of consideration in your body for anyone other than yourself?- and, unfortunately, she was hit with a flash of humanity. What if this had happened to one of them? She’d be as pissed off as Casey, wouldn’t she? “Oh crap,” she sighed out loud. She hated when feelings got involved.
************
“Luke?”
Luke looked up from his coffee mug, his heart hoping even as his brain recognized that the voice wasn’t Noah’s.
It was Marcus. He stood in the entryway to the kitchen, studying Luke with concern, slightly out of breath. He moved closer almost cautiously. “Your grandmother called me, told me what happened. Is there anything I can… Has anyone found…?”
Luke smiled painfully. “He’s okay. I don’t know where he is, but he’s okay.”
Marcus let out a breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding. He sat down across from Luke at the kitchen table. “He is?”
Luke waved his cell phone absentmindedly. “He called me like twenty minutes after he disappeared. Didn’t want me to worry, said he’d be home later. He just needed some time.”
“Thank God,” Marcus sighed softly before studying him again. “That’s good. That he called you. That he knew he could or should call you. He’s learning.”
“Yeah,” Luke put his phone back on the table, making sure it was nearby, just in case it rang again. He ran a hand through his hair, reminding himself yet again that he needed a haircut.
“Was that all he said?” Marcus asked knowingly. There had to have been something else.
Luke let out a shaky laugh. “Well, it was hard to have a real conversation, considering both of us couldn’t stop apologizing.” He looked up at Marcus, eyes tired. “My crazy, meddling family ran him off, Doc. My dad and I started fighting, and I lost track of him, and then he was gone.”
“I doubt he’s angry with you, Luke. Are you mad at him for running away?” Marcus asked curiously.
Luke thought about his answer. “I think I was a little bit, at first. But he called me like right away, you know? He wanted me to know he was okay and he wasn’t running from me and he’d be back soon. And I can’t blame him for getting out of here, I really can’t. We were all yelling at each other, and forgot it was Noah’s life we were yelling about.”
“You’re not going to go look for him?”
He shook his head. “Casey wanted to, but I won’t. He needs some time to breathe, I can understand that. And I know he’ll come back home as soon as he’s got himself under control.” He fiddled with his coffee mug again, twisting it around in his hands. “God, I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe something like this is even possible.”
Marcus’s laugh was just as painful as Luke’s had been. “Unfortunately, things like this are very possible. It just seems less real because Noah’s gone through so much already.”
“It’s not fair,” Luke agreed. After another silence, Luke had to ask. “What do you think Noah should do?”
Marcus raised his eyebrows. “About the family?” he guessed. After Luke nodded, he heaved a sigh. “I honestly don’t know. I might need some time too.” They both chuckled, and Marcus turned serious. “I think, knowing Noah as I do, that at some point he’s going to want to meet this family. If or when we get solid proof that he was once Andrew Miller… he’s going to want to help them. Give them closure, give them the truth.”
“Will that be good for him though?” Luke asked, leaning forward. “Because, no offense to this family, but I care about him more than them. What if they’re bad people, what if they don’t deserve him? They could be, like, drug runners or… Tea Party supporters, or…” he swallowed hard. “What if they’re this nice southern family who does barbeques and sweet tea, and he meets them and likes them, and then they find out he’s gay and…” he looked up when Marcus started to laugh. Luke softened. “I’m panicking, aren’t I?”
“A little,” Marcus said gently. “Those are all valid fears, Luke. And you’re allowed to have them. But just remember that we have to support Noah through this. It truly is his decision.”
“I know,” Luke replied. “I know. And I hate it.”
Marcus laughed again. “You said you and your father were fighting. Was it about your job again?”
Luke nodded. “Damian wants me to go on a business trip to New York this week. I had my mind all made up to go until this happened. Now I don’t think I can leave Noah. And my dad found out and we started arguing, etcetera etcetera,” he waved a hand, sighing.
Marcus nodded for a moment, thinking. “How does Noah feel about the trip?”
Luke frowned. “He told me he wanted me to go, even after I found out about this crap. But I can’t leave him now, can I?”
“I don’t think he would see it as you leaving him if you went on this trip, Luke. Now, I’m not telling you to go or not go. I just want you to make the decision you won’t regret later. Noah would hate it if you ended up regretting not going to New York, especially if it was to stay with him.”
“Wow, thanks for that guilt trip,” Luke muttered.
Marcus laughed again. “Well, I’m a part of the Greatest Generation. It’s what we’re good at it.” After Luke let out a laugh of his own, Marcus grew serious again. “Honestly, I’m not trying to influence your decision. I just want you to really think about it, be happy with what ever you end up doing. There’s enough trouble going on right now, why add more to it?”
Luke nodded, smiling wanly. “I’m not going to have to pay you for this session, am I?”
The older man laughed again. “I’ll add it to the tab.”
Luke dipped his head graciously. “Thanks, Doc.” He swallowed heavily. “And seriously. Thank you, for being here and not letting me go crazy. For… I don’t know, being another person who cares about Noah.”
Marcus smiled. “I think there’s more of those people than he really realizes, but you’re welcome. And I’m glad to share that burden, trust me. Especially after…” He looked away.
Luke was quick to jump in. “No, no way. He was more scared that you were mad at him than anything else. What happened at Java, you couldn’t have known what was really going on. Take all that advice you just gave me, okay? Noah’s not upset with you, not at all.”
Now it was Marcus’s turn to smile painfully. “I’ll try to. I’d never forgive myself if Noah felt he couldn’t talk to me anymore. Unfortunately, it looks like he’s still going to need our sessions.” Slightly more embarrassed, “And I want to be someone he can count on.”
“He does count on you,” Luke assured. He let out a breath, more and more grateful as he mulled over the conversation they’d just had. He really was going to have to think about this New York thing. And then something else Marcus said stood out in his brain. There’s enough going on right now, why add more to it? “Doc…”
“Yes?” Marcus had stood, gathering his coat. He stopped and turned back Luke.
“Everything that’s happened, everything that’s happening now…” he looked up, eyes sad again. “How much more do you think Noah can take?”
************
Emily sighed as she got out of her car. She had no idea what she was about to say. She wondered if she could just fake this conversation, but something told her the kid would see right through it. She entered the cemetery somewhat cautiously, making her way over to the small granite bench where a tall, lanky figure was sitting.
She stopped a few feet away, crossing her arms. Noah’s shoulders tensed ever so slightly, so she knew she wasn’t sneaking up on him. “This is where you ran off to? To her?” she asked, narrowing her eyes when she realized her voice wasn’t as biting as usual.
Those shoulders shrugged a little. “Didn’t want anyone to find me. I figured no one would check to see if I was visiting my dead-fake-mother’s grave.”
Emily let out a snort of laughter, daring to take a few steps closer. They both fell silent, and it stayed that way for a few more minutes until Emily couldn’t take it anymore. “So how come you’re not screaming at me?”
“Because honestly?” Noah still didn’t look at her. “I’ve got a lot on my mind right now, and you’re not rating very high on the list. And I’m not going to yell at you now to help you with your guilt or whatever. No offense.”
“None taken,” she answered automatically. She studied him again before taking yet another step closer. “Besides, Casey already took care of that for you. The screaming part, I mean.” She paused at the surprised but fond smile that briefly lit up Noah’s face, then continued. “And what’s worse, it actually worked. I feel guilty.”
“My condolences,” he murmured, almost without meaning to.
“Thanks,” she shot back. “Anyway, I know Ali and Hunter are going to be mad at me too, and I thought that if there was a way I could make it up to you, maybe I wouldn’t feel even guiltier when they scream at me.”
“Wow, that was beautiful,” Noah said, again under his breath. Then he finally turned to look at her. “How are you planning on making this up to me?”
She moved to stand in front of him. “I know I can’t. And believe it or not, I really am sorry about that. So, um, here.” She held out a folder of papers towards him.
He hesitated for a moment before taking it. “What is it?” he asked, not daring to open it until he knew.
“I didn’t just research you,” she told him. “That’s everything I could find on the Miller family. What they’ve been up to since… Andrew… disappeared, what they’re all doing now.” Noah’s eyes widened, but he didn’t move to open the folder. She kept talking. “The parent’s names are-”
He held up a hand. “I’m not ready for that yet, thanks.”
“Okay,” she said, quieter. After another pause, “For what it’s worth, I actually am sorry.”
Noah was now staring down at his hands, fidgeting. Years of interviewing people told Emily to shut up and wait- whatever would be said next would be important. She wasn’t wrong. “Ali told me you’re trying to have a baby.” Emily was so shocked she couldn’t respond right away, so Noah kept talking. “I, uh, I hope… good luck.”
He sounded so sincere. How the hell could he still be nice to her? She was still in enough shock that all she could say was, “Thank you.” She ended up sitting down next to him on the bench.
“Though why you’d want to bring a kid into this screwed up world with screwed up people…” he mumbled, not thinking she could hear.
Emily would never know why she replied, maybe still some sense of guilt, but she did. “Well, maybe so this kid and people like you can make things better.”
He shook his head. “Maybe your kid.” Even quieter, “I think it’s too late for me.” And Emily wanted to deny that, though she couldn’t help but think it was too late for her, too.
************
Noah shuffled in through the front door, ducking his head and blushing even before he saw Luke. He still couldn’t believe he had acted like such a drama queen earlier and actually ran out of his own home. He had all his apologies and begging for forgiveness all planned out, but the words died in his throat when he reached the living room.
Luke was fast asleep on the couch, blanket half-kicked off of him. The lights were off, so the shadows cast from the TV left a strange glow on his face. Noah took another step into the room, and then that feeling hit him square in the chest. The feeling he always got at the most random of times, God, he is so beautiful. Really, why did Luke put up with him?
He walked over to the couch and wrestled between waking Luke up and letting him get some rest. Getting some rest sounded pretty damn good right now, he had to admit. Somehow he ended up sitting on the floor in front of the couch, settling down by where Luke was resting his head. He stared at the TV, no idea what was actually playing on screen. The people looked happy, and he had to turn away.
He couldn’t help but jump, startled, when a pair of arms dropped down to wrap around him, a chin resting right at where his neck and shoulder met. “Did you just get home?” Luke asked in a sleep-roughened voice.
Noah nodded, not trusting his own voice at the moment. He covered Luke’s hands with his own. He sat there, rubbing them gently, until he felt he could speak. “I’m so sorry, Luke.”
He felt the deep sigh more than heard it. “Noah…”
“I am Luke, I am. I shouldn’t have run out on you. Left you when you and your dad were… I shouldn’t have run.” He cleared his throat when it got scratchy again. “And I should have told you everything when I found out, I know I should have. It’s just-”
“Noah, shut up,” Luke’s voice had a smile to it, and he let himself be turned around until he was facing his boyfriend. Luke studied him for a few seconds and then leaned forward enough to kiss him on the nose. Noah was pretty sure he was blushing again. “Like I said on the phone, I don’t blame you for getting out of here. I’m sorry you had to.”
Noah frowned determinedly. “It’s not your fault.”
Luke laughed softly, then scooted himself back as far as he could and patted the now empty space alongside him. “Get up here, dumbass.”
Noah shook his head as he slid onto the couch so he was lying next to Luke. “You know, I really love all my nicknames.”
Grinning, Luke wrapped his arms tightly around him, pulling him even closer. “I love you,” he whispered fiercely. Noah tucked his face into the crook of Luke’s neck, inhaling his scent and then letting out a shaky breath. “And no matter what, this doesn’t change you or anything I love about you. Can you remember that?”
Noah didn’t answer, but he tightened his own grip on Luke, dropping a kiss onto the skin that showed just above his shirt collar. Luke smiled, one hand inevitably finding its way into Noah’s hair. After another few minutes of silence, “Well, this explains one thing,” Noah mumbled into Luke’s shirt.
“What’s that?” Luke asked, trailing fingers lazily up and down his back.
“Why Charlene didn’t take me with her when she left the Colonel. I always wondered, you know? Why she left me behind?”
“Noah…” Luke couldn’t help but tighten his grip.
“No, Luke, it’s okay. I’m not looking for sympathy or anything. I’m not even that sad about it. It makes sense now. Why she could leave her son with that monster. Because I wasn’t really her son, was I?” Of course, Noah found it so much easier to say this when his face was still hidden in Luke’s neck.
Luke was silent for a moment. He knew Noah wasn’t expecting an answer, but he obviously wanted to say something anyway. “Well, it doesn’t matter. Because you are really my boyfriend, and I wouldn’t leave you if you paid me to.”
After a very lengthy, emotional pause, “Not even a dollar?”
Luke smirked. “Really? That’s all our relationship is worth to you? A dollar?” He poked Noah in the ribs.
He squirmed away with a huff of laughter. “Well you are kinda messy. You never put away dishes after they’ve been-”
“Oh, that’s it!” Luke twisted and pounced, going for Noah’s ribs again. They play-fought for a few minutes, until both were too out of breath to continue. Luke flopped down half on top of Noah, grinning as though he had won something. He wrapped one arm around Noah, pulling their bodies together as close as possible.
Noah smiled at the feeling, pulling one of Luke’s hands into both of his, playing with his fingers one by one. “Luke?”
“Yeah?” Luke rested his head on Noah’s chest, relaxing once he heard the steady heartbeat.
Noah’s voice turned cautious, and Luke steeled himself. This was the tone Noah always used when he was about to say something adorably heart-breaking, and Luke was determined not to cry this time. He was going to be tagged as a crybaby if he wasn’t careful. “You don’t… you don’t have to apologize for your family.”
“I don’t?” He had no idea where this was going.
Noah shook his head, Luke could feel the movement from where he lay. He purposefully didn’t look up at him, keeping his ear pressed to warm shirt and skin, the heartbeat underneath. It almost made him miss the words Noah spoke. “No. It’s okay. I mean, it was crazy… but it’s kinda nice too, you know?”
Luke smiled, glad he had readied himself. “To have a family that cares about you?”
Noah’s breathing was slow and soft. “Yeah.” His voice even softer, “Thank you for that.”
Luke lifted his head and kissed where his ear had been, right over the heart. “You falling asleep, babe?” It wasn’t that late, but it had been an admittedly long day.
“Yeah,” Noah’s voice was deeper and drawn-out now. “Let’s go to sleep, okay?” He was still holding Luke’s hand, now against his own cheek, holding it tight like Luke was his stuffed animal.
Luke liked the feeling, and almost hated himself for pulling away, sitting up on the couch next to Noah. “Okay, then wait just a bit,” he had to say, knowing Noah would be feeling it in the morning if he slept here. They had purposefully picked out a couch that wasn’t completely comfortable when they had gone furniture shopping for the apartment. The justification was that neither of them would want to go to bed angry or sleep apart if the couch caused a sore back by morning. And so far, it had worked out perfectly. “Why don’t we get you to bed first?”
Noah frowned slightly, and Luke prepared himself for a protest of some kind. But then Noah just smirked sleepily. “You flirting with me, Snyder?”
He forced out a chuckle. Noah’s smile wasn’t reaching his eyes, and Luke was still worried. Noah was putting on an act, he was still freaked. “Always, lover. Now come on, I have to get my man into bed for the night.” He pulled Noah up off the couch, and for the first time noticed the folder sticking out from under where Noah had dropped his jacket. “What’s that?”
Noah followed his gaze. “Oh.” He picked up the folder and placed it on the coffee table, but didn’t open it. “Emily Stewart gave it to me. It’s, um, information on the f-family.”
Luke stared at the folder, then back at Noah. “Okay.” He looked at the folder again, “Well, we’re definitely going to pretend that doesn’t exist for tonight.” Noah didn’t say anything, but Luke could have felt his relief from across the room.
He continued to pull Noah out of the living room, not stopping when Noah spoke up. “Luke?”
“Yeah?” he guided Noah into the bedroom, pushing him lightly towards the bed before turning to shut the door and flip off the lights. They both shed clothes as they moved towards their designated spots in bed, Noah pausing to take off his watch and put it on his bedside table.
He waited until Luke was settled and then curled around him, wrapping both arms tight and burying his face in Luke’s hair. Then he remembered that he was supposed to speak. “Tomorrow, we’re going to figure out the New York thing, ’kay?”
Even though Noah couldn’t see him, Luke smiled. He pulled up the hand he had his fingers linked with and kissed it noisily a couple times, and even though he couldn’t see Noah, he knew he was smiling too. “Okay.”
************
When Holden finally made it to the bedroom, Lily was sitting in bed, going over Lakeview paperwork. He slid in next to her, sighing heavily as he rested his head on the pillow. “That went well.”
“I think that pretty much sums up the entire day, don’t you?” Lily said without looking up. She had been staring at the same paragraph for the last twenty minutes, and she still had no idea what it said.
“Yeah, but you weren’t just on the phone with Mama and Jack.”
“You told them?” she finally put the paperwork away, turning towards him.
He sighed again. “Yeah. I figured they should know, since we do. And I didn’t think Noah would know how to tell them, so…” He frowned. “Should I not have?”
She smiled sadly. “No, I think that was probably the only good thing any of us have done today.”
He grunted. “Can’t argue there.” Quieter, almost tentative, “Have you heard from Luke?”
She was quiet for a moment, preparing her answer. “Yes. Noah’s okay. He called Luke not long after…” After Luke threw us out of the apartment. After Casey Hughes of all people reminded us of what was important. After Noah felt he had to run away from us. “They’re both fine.”
“Relatively speaking,” Holden mumbled, rubbing both hands over his face. He still couldn’t really believe all this crap with Noah and this family in Georgia. God, that poor kid couldn’t catch a break.
He just wanted to bundle both Luke and Noah up, take them to Emma and the farm, and leave them there for eternity. Keep them somewhere safe, away from the damage of Noah’s past, away from whatever (whoever) could threaten them now…
“You’re doing it again,” Lily commented, turning off her bedside lamp.
“Doing what?” He turned his off too, and they both turned so they were lying facing each other.
“Your head was about to go to Damian. Whatever you were thinking, you were about to blame Damian for.” She was frowning at him now, eyes weary as though they were about to have the same fight all over again. “Please, just for now? Let it go.”
And maybe they were. “I can’t… I can’t help it, Lily. Someone has to keep an eye on him. Someone has to… to stay on alert.”
Lily closed her eyes for a few moments, then reopened them. “And I understand that honey, but… you’re letting your anger get the better of you. And that’s not helping either boy right now.” Her voice grew a little desperate. “Can’t you see that? Can’t you see that you arguing with Luke helped drive Noah away?”
“That’s not-” Holden tried to protest.
“I know we all share the blame in that,” Lily understood. “But, see, we can’t control what’s happening to Noah. You can control this fight with Luke.” Her voice cracked slightly. “They’re going to need us, Holden. They’re going to need their parents, and if Luke and you can’t be…” she shook her head.
“I’m trying to protect them from Damian,” he said quietly. Someone had to, right?
Lily sighed wearily again, and Holden was really starting to hate that sound. Hate that he was the cause of it. She pursed her lips a little before speaking. “I know you remember the things Damian has done, I know you do. And I know you remember the things that the Colonel has done.”
He frowned again, no idea where she was going with this. “Of course I do.”
Lily had tears in her eyes now. “And everything going on with Noah now… Holden, out of two boys and four possible fathers... maybe you could be the man to actually be there for them?”
************
Wednesday was the least fun day of the week, Luke decided absentmindedly as he finished typing up a memo and emailing it to Stacey. It had been a monster-bitch of a weekend, to the point of where the last two days had been positively boring by comparison. On Monday, by Luke’s request, both he and Noah took the day off from life, staying in the apartment, eating whatever was already in the fridge, laying on the couch and watching TV. The folder Emily had given Noah remained unopened.
Tuesday, this time by Noah’s request, they both went back to their normal schedule, classes and work. Noah wanted another day to not deal with that folder, and the mind-numbing routine of school and Java would do that for him. Luke went back to Grimaldi Shipping with little fuss.
He had given Damian a bare-bones version of what was going on, and the man was surprisingly understanding and concerned. It actually shocked Luke more than he thought it would. Seeing Damian care about his son’s boyfriend was a far cry from the man he had known at sixteen.
“Hello, son.” Speak of the devil.
“Hi Damian.” Luke pushed himself back away from his computer and desk as Damian entered his office.
“Stacey’s out there printing out your memo. I take it this means you won’t be attending the budget meeting later?” Damian asked serenely.
Luke shook his head. “Noah gets out of class at five, I’m trying to get home before he does. I want to spend as much time with him as possible, especially since I won’t be seeing him for two days.”
“Are you sure he’s okay with you going to New York with me?” Damian took a seat across from him.
Luke couldn’t stop himself from smiling. “Yeah, I think he’s more okay with it than I am. He doesn’t want me to miss out on something important because of him. We talked about it a lot on Monday. It’s just for two days, I can call him any time to check on him. And each day he’s doing a little better, so I ‘have to trust that he can actually be alone every once in awhile’ or something like that.”
Damian laughed. “It sounds like he’s given you a lecture on it.”
“Or two,” Luke agreed, laughing too. “But seriously, Damian, if I’m leaving tomorrow, I want to spend as much time with him tonight as I can. For my own peace of mind, because I know as together as he is, he’s still more upset about everything than he’s been letting on.”
“No, no, I understand Luciano. And again, if there’s anything I can do to help…” Damian stood up again, preparing to leave.
Luke nodded. “Thanks. And actually,” he spun back towards his desk, picking up a stack of papers. “That weird thing with the expense reports? The missing money that’s not missing because we can’t find it?” He waved the papers around. “It turned up again, in the files for January.”
Damian frowned. “Really?”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded. “It’s the weirdest thing, because money is being moved around, but from where and to where, I have no idea. Did you ever find anything when you looked into the end of the year stuff?”
Damian took the paperwork that Luke was holding out, looking it over. “Nothing at all, so I just assumed it was a clerical error of some kind. But if it’s showing up on paperwork again, that’s unacceptable.”
“I know,” Luke shoved hair out of his eyes. “Do you have any idea what it could be? I mean, if I didn’t know any better I’d say someone within the company was-”
“Money laundering,” Damian murmured, grimacing. “It’s possible, though I’d hate to think that someone in my employment would do such a thing.” He shook his head, looking back up at Luke. “Either way, don’t worry about it. I’ll handle this.” Luke was about to protest- Damian said that last time!- but Damian then nodded towards the clock. “You might want to hurry if you want to beat Noah back to your apartment, son.”
Luke checked the clock. It was 4:30. “Oh crap!” He stood, grabbing his suit jacket and throwing it on. There was still one stop he had to make before he could go home, he’d have to hurry if he wanted to get there on time. Damn, sometimes he wished Oakdale had a teleporter, life would be so much easier.
************
Lily smiled happily (and maybe a little relieved) when Luke walked into her office, slightly out of breath and harried. “Hi honey.”
“Hi Mom, I have a huge favor to ask you, and I know things are a little weird right now but-” Luke shrugged off his coat and dropped into the chair across from her.
She cut him off with a slight laugh. “Luke, there is no favor too ‘huge’ that I won’t do it, short of robbing a bank. And really, even that would depend on what you needed the money for.” She was more than a little relieved when he laughed; Luke was looking tired and stressed and she hated seeing her usually bright, high-spirited son this way. “So what is this favor?”
He took a deep breath, as though preparing to give a speech. “I’m going to New York tomorrow. And I’ll be back on Saturday, but with everything going on… Can you just, just keep an eye on Noah? Check in on him, invite him to dinner, something? I don’t want him sitting in the apartment the whole time I’m gone thinking about everything.”
Lily’s smile widened. Wow, she was actually being given permission to mother Noah for two whole days straight? It was like an early birthday present. She kept that to herself, nodding instead. “Of course! Of course I will, you didn’t even need to ask. And anyway, there’s no way he’s getting out of my Friday Night Dinner.”
Luke’s smile was more genuine then too, and comforted. “Good. And just…” he hesitated before continuing. “Just don’t let him find out I asked you, please? Make it seem like your overbearing love doing this, not mine.”
She laughed outright. “I really think I can manage that, sweetie. Noah won’t know what hit him.” It looked like a weight was lifted off Luke’s shoulders, and for some reason she felt like now was the time to ask what had been on her mind for the last two days. “Luke. You are going to New York for the right reasons, aren’t you?”
For a second it looked like he was going to get angry, but then he looked at her again, calm and resolute. “Yes. I am. I really am.”
Lily nodded. “Okay. That’s all I needed to hear.” Luke smiled and got up to leave, but stopped when Lily came around her desk to hug him. “Have a good trip, Luke.”
He sighed into her shoulder, hugging her back tightly. “Thanks Mom.”
“And remember,” she pulled back to look him in the face. “We’re your parents and we love you, no matter what you do. And we’ll support you, no matter what you do. No matter who you work for.” She gave him a little shove towards the door.
He grinned. “Even if I rob a bank?”
She sighed, going back to her desk and that never ending pile of paperwork. “Depends on what you need the money for, darling.”
************
Jack had to admit he was nervous. His heart had stuttered when he got home from his shift and saw Noah’s truck parked behind the barn. He hadn’t thought he’d get a chance to see Noah for awhile, though he had been thinking of crashing Friday Night Dinner so they’d have a chance to talk.
He walked the path cautiously, spotting Noah instantly. He was sitting in his usual spot, long legs stretched out in front of him, staring out at the gray pond water. Jack had to wonder, not for the first time, if Noah was hoping for those ducks to appear and pester him for bread crumbs. He would not admit that he missed those damn birds too. And anyway, even if he did, it was for Noah’s sake.
“Hey,” he called out quietly, coming closer. He hated seeing Noah tense up, but forced himself to keep moving, sitting down next to him. “Didn’t know you’d be here today.”
Noah took a couple slow breaths, visibly relaxing. “My last class got canceled. But I think Luke wanted to get home before me today, so I’m, um, waiting here.”
Jack couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “Ah, the sacrifices we make for love.” The laugh quickly died when Noah didn’t even try to smile back. Jack sighed, moving in a little closer. “Noah. I’m sorry kid, really, for looking into your family without you knowing. It wasn’t meant to be a secret. And it wasn’t because I didn’t trust you or how you’d react.”
Noah didn’t say anything, but his face turned just a little bit closer towards Jack. It was his way of showing he was listening.
Jack kept going. “I just, I knew something was off with your- with the Colonel. And I wasn’t sure what it could be, and I…” he said the rest in a rush. “I wanted to find out what it was before it got to you, before it did anything to you.”
Noah gave a half-hearted smirk. “That pretty much failed, huh?”
Jack laughed again, patting Noah briefly on the back, taking a moment to squeeze his shoulder before pulling back. “Yeah, sorry about that too.”
Noah’s smile, which had involuntarily appeared when Jack touched his shoulder, stayed in place at that, though it definitely looked more forced. “I’m starting to get sick of people saying sorry to me. I don’t like being that kind of person,” he confessed quietly.
“It doesn’t mean they feel sorry for you,” Jack defended. “It just means they care about you. That’s a good thing, remember?”
Noah’s laugh was almost half-sigh. “Yeah.” He grew quiet again, pulling up strands of grass and dropping them at his feet. Jack stayed silent, waiting for whatever it was Noah was trying to say. “You know everything, right? Holden probably told you?”
Jack fought the urge to give him another hug. “Yeah. He told me.”
Noah nodded, looking out at the water again. “It’s like… it’s like I found an alternate reality, where I’m supposed to be this whole other person. And the person I am now is a mistake. I don’t know how to deal with it.” He shrugged, and it looked like it took all of his energy to do it. “I don’t even know my real name,” it came out as a little bit of a laugh, like he couldn’t believe what he was saying.
For a moment, Jack struggled for the right words. “Noah, I don’t care if your name turned out to be Abraham Lincoln. It wouldn’t matter. You’ll always be a Snyder, kid.” Noah finally turned to face him fully, and Jack made sure to hold his gaze. “And Snyders don’t butt out of family business. So we’re going to be bugging the crap out of you for a long time, and you’re just going to have to suck it up and get used to it.”
Noah’s eyes grew almost too wide, and he ducked his head to try to hide the small surprised smile that he couldn’t fight off. Jack’s grin grew too, and he slung his arm around Noah again, prodding him to his feet. “Come on, it’s cold out. Why don’t you wait out Luke in the house- Emma’s been baking nonstop, and I know she has some cookies for you.”
************
Luke set his suitcase back on the ground, zipping it up as he sat on the edge of the bed. He stared at it, suddenly willing it to unpack itself and disappear. He leaned forward until his elbows rested on his knees, burying his head in his hands. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea, maybe now wasn’t the best time to-
He felt a leg kick him lightly. “Hey.” Noah’s voice was fuzzy and soft.
“Yeah?” Luke couldn’t turn around and look at him. If he did, he knew he’d want to stay. Crawl back in bed with his naked boyfriend and never let go.
Noah’s sleep-heavy voice wasn’t helping. “You remembered to pack an extra shirt, right? ’Cause no offense babe, but you’re a messy eater and if-”
“I’m not going,” Luke burst out, head still in his hands. “I can’t. I can’t go.”
There was a beat of silence, and then movement behind him. Soon a pair of legs settled down on either side of him, and arms wrapped around him loosely. Noah leaned forward into Luke’s back, resting his head close to Luke’s. “Yes you are,” he said softly.
Luke still couldn’t look at him. “I can’t just leave you here.”
“You’re not,” Noah insisted. “I’ll be fine, Luke. I promise. I have an appointment with Dr. Weston today, and a Movie Night. And classes and work and Friday Night Dinner tomorrow.” His voice dropped lower. “And I’m pretty sure you’ve convinced at least three Snyders to keep an eye on me, even though you’re only going to be gone two days.”
Luke let out a little laugh, dropping his hands onto Noah’s, holding them tight. Anchoring them both to the bed. “I just…” he didn’t know how to finish.
“Stop freaking out,” Noah scolded, jostling Luke gently in his arms, both of them moving side to side like a dance. “You’re going to be fine too.”
Luke felt stupid tears burn his eyes and had to blink them away, wondering whether he was that transparent or whether Noah just knew him that well. “You’re going to call me tonight, right? You promise?”
He felt a quick kiss on his cheek. “Promise.”
He took a deep breath and stood, turning to watch unabashedly as Noah pulled on a pair of sweatpants. Noah half-glared and blushed as he did, but it didn’t stop Luke from coming in close for a kiss. “Good morning.”
Noah hummed into the kiss, eyes closed and smiling. “Morning.” He picked up Luke’s suitcase for him and led him out to the living room. “What time is the car picking you up?”
Luke may have been pouting as he followed. “Ten minutes.”
Noah turned and looked at him, mocking the pout before smiling. “Come here.”
Luke didn’t hesitate in moving forward, and the two of them wrapped their arms around each other. “You sure you’re going to be alright? Because I know you’re not okay, Noah. You don’t have to pretend with me.”
“I’m not pretending, Luke. Promise. I’m just not… comprehending it all right now, you know?” He hugged Luke impossibly tighter. “But I promise not to let it sink in until you’re with me.”
Luke pulled back, reaching up to try to smooth down the crazy-cute bedhead Noah was sporting. “Sounds like an incredibly emotionally-healthy plan.”
Noah pursed his lips like he was fighting off a grin. “Coming from you? That means-”
He was about to be a smartass again, so Luke shut him up. He would have said he had no idea how long they stood there in that kiss and that embrace, but it was obviously about ten minutes. Too soon, he heard a car horn honk outside. They pulled back reluctantly, and somehow Noah’s hair was all messy again. Luke smiled, smoothing it down yet again. “I don’t want to go.”
Noah’s smile was a little pained, but very loving too. “And yet you do. And you should.” He kissed Luke softly. “It’ll be okay. And I’m going to call you tonight, remember?”
Luke kissed him this time, very slowly moving towards his suitcase and the door. “Not ever going to forget. Don’t think I won’t throw a giant temper tantrum if you don’t.”
Noah reached past him to open the front door. Luke stepped outside into the early morning air, then turned back to look at him. Noah gave him that crooked half-smile, leaning in the doorway. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”
Luke pretended to be wounded, clutching his chest. “Really? That’s the last thing you’re going to say to me before I go off to the big city?”
Noah smirked, then surprised him by reaching out and pulling him back by his tie. A quick, hard kiss, and then Noah was pushing him back again lightly. “Knock ’em dead, Snyder.”
When Luke finally caught his breath, he felt like cursing his boyfriend for doing that to him, especially since it did nothing to convince him to leave. Instead, he said the next best thing. “I love you.”
Noah’s smile was softer now. “Love you too. Now go.”
Luke didn’t remember walking away, but all of a sudden he was in the company car, headed for the airport. And his apartment door was shut, with Noah on the other side of it. That sucked. He took a deep breath, picked up his phone, and hit a speed dial.
“Dude,” Casey started talking as soon as he picked up and didn’t stop for Luke to get a word in. “I know I said call me anytime you need me, but it’s, like, dawn outside. It’s early. Your roosters haven’t even crowed yet, Farmboy.”
Luke rolled his eyes. “Noah and I don’t have roosters. And anyway, you somehow sound wide awake. What, did I interrupt you and Alison or something?”
There was a pause, then “Nope,” was all Casey said. Before Luke could think about that, Casey was talking again. “Doesn’t matter. What’s up?”
Luke frowned, listening to the background noise over the phone. “Are you in your car?”
Another pause. “Maybe.”
It was too early for Luke to play twenty questions, so he went back to his reason for calling. “Look, I know you’ve got classes today, but do you think at some point you could check up on Noah? You don’t-”
“Luke, why do you think I’m in my car? I’m going to pick up some beer and DVDs, and then I’m on my way to the apartment. Don’t freak out.” Casey’s voice was way too smug.
“Beer?” Luke echoed, refusing to give Casey any satisfaction. “It’s seven in the morning, what are you doing getting beer this early?”
“Whatever, Mr. CEO. Beer for breakfast is a time-honored tradition for college boys. And you asked for my help, don’t question my comfort methods,” Casey shot back airily. “Go have fun in New York, your boyfriend’s going to be well taken care of.”
Luke let out a breath, more relieved than he thought he would be. “Thanks Case.” He snapped his phone shut and leaned back against the leather seat, closing his eyes. Two days. He could handle being away for two days. He’d be fine.
And then his eyes popped open. Two days. Who was he kidding? Saturday couldn’t get here soon enough.
************
He was suddenly very, very alone. And somehow, the apartment seemed a lot bigger and emptier. Noah couldn’t get himself to fall back asleep, there was something wrong with the bed now, so he went through the normal morning routine. He took a shower, got dressed, made some coffee. But Noah still felt uncomfortable, which was stupid. This was his home, what was wrong with him?
It was too quiet, that was the problem. There wasn’t enough noise. Noah went into the living room, turning the TV on. It helped, but he still couldn’t relax. He flexed his fingers, staring at his hand when it went a little numb. It hadn’t done that in months. He and Dr. Weston had worked through his body’s reactions to stress and trauma, this wasn’t supposed to happen anymore. For a second Noah really really wanted to call Luke.
His hand was reaching for his phone before he realized it. “No,” he said out loud, telling himself he was being ridiculous. He’d been alone for half an hour and he was already chickening out? No. He just needed a distraction.
And again, before he realized it, his hand was moving. Against his will. His hand was evil, that must be it. Because before he knew it, the Folder of Doom was on his lap, and it was open.
Noah’s eyes were squeezed shut tightly, at least at first. But then they were opening, and he was looking down. It was like the kid who can’t help but stare into the eclipse, even when warned not to. He had to look. Even if his eyes got burned, he had to read.
Looking back on it later, Noah couldn’t say when it was that his brain stopped working. It was sometime around then, definitely, because the next thing he knew he was walking out of the apartment with his overnight bag, getting into his truck, and heading towards the train station. It was like he was on autopilot again, and he couldn’t break himself free enough to realize that this was crazy. And very stupid. But then he was buying a ticket. And then he was getting on a train. Man, Luke’s going to be pissed.
But Noah couldn’t get himself to stop. The attendant was calling all aboard. He couldn’t get himself to turn around, go back to his apartment, and call Dr. Weston. The train was pulling away from the station. Call Lily or Jack or Casey or-
Somebody plopped down into the seat next to him, and he couldn’t help but flinch. He didn’t want someone sitting next to him. He either wanted to be alone, or with Luke. Nothing else was okay. Noah sat still, his hands still flexing open and closed. He shouldn’t be doing this, he should… should…
The person next to him cleared his throat pointedly. Noah steeled himself and looked up. And almost started choking on the air he wasn’t breathing.
Casey grinned at him cheerfully. “So. Where are we going?”
TO BE CONTINUED! Coming Up: Luke gets the runaround from Damian, Marcus and Lucinda discuss their fears, Casey calls for back-up, Noah runs into someone unexpected...
Chapter: 7/16 - Pay No Mind, My Sorrow Is Fine
Author: carolinablu85. or you can call me Ella! (or you can call me Al, if you like the song...)
Characters: Luke/Noah, Casey, Emily, Marcus (OC), Holden, Lily, Damian, Jack
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: sequel to my fic "Sins of the Father," refers to lots of things that happened in that story, takes place a few months later!
Summary: Casey yells, Luke worries, Lily scolds, Noah reacts (badly).
Disclaimer: I disclaim. I own a pair of sneakers, a cellphone, and some other stuff. The show? Nope, not that.
Author's Note: This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "Let Your Troubles Roll By" by Carbon Leaf!
Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 /
“You really are an insensitive bitch, aren’t you?”
Emily looked up at the voice, surprised considering she hadn’t heard anyone enter the Intruder office. But Casey was standing in the doorway, glaring at her with more anger than she’d seen in him in pretty much ever. “Excuse me?”
He didn’t even seem a little intimidated. Wow, he must really be pissed. “Don’t play dumb, Emily,” he snapped.
She refrained from replying with some witty comeback about playing dumb. Instead, she narrowed her eyes. “I’m not. What’s got you all ’roided up?”
He slammed a hand back against the wall and Emily almost jumped. Almost. “You honestly have no idea? God, this is worse than I thought. You are so self-involved, no, self-obsessed that you have no problem ruining someone else’s life just to satisfy your own-”
“Oh, is this about Noah?” Emily saw Casey close his eyes as though to calm himself, and yet for some reason she kept talking. “Look, Casey, it’s my job to-”
“No, Emily, it’s not your job. What you did? Letting Lucinda think that Noah had been purposefully keeping this a secret? Spilling all that before Noah had a chance to deal? That’s not your job,” his voice was getting tighter, louder.
She sighed. “So what, he’s locked himself in his room crying because I spilled the beans on his little secret?”
She couldn’t be sure, but it was possible that his eyes were glowing red now. “No. He’s not. We don’t know where he is. He took off, thanks to you.”
Emily held her hands up. “Hey, you can’t blame me for that. Whatever his deal is-”
“God, Emily!” Casey shouted. “His deal is you got Lucinda Walsh and the Snyders to ambush him when a bomb had already been dropped on his head! Do you have any ounce of consideration in your body for anyone other than yourself? It’s no wonder you’re alone!”
That made her freeze. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” Casey near-growled. “It’s no wonder. Who would want to be with someone like you? Who would ever want to get close to someone who could betray them, sell them out at a moment’s notice? You’re here at work on a Sunday, you don’t have any friends, you’ve barely got any family. I don’t blame them.” He threw his hands in the air, clenching and unclenching his fists. “I have to go. I can’t stand to look at you anymore.”
“What-?” Emily tried to get more words out, but nothing would come.
And Casey wouldn’t let her. “Shut up. Just… shut up. I have to go try to find my friend and make sure he’s okay. God, if he’s even my friend anymore. It’s my fault, really. I never should have brought him here. I never should have included you. You’re like poison.”
“Hey, I-” Emily would have put up a fight there, but Casey had already turned and left. Emily looked around her office, searching for something she could throw. The only thing not work related on her desk was a framed picture of Alison and Hunter.
She looked at their faces and Casey’s voice rang in her head again- Do you have any ounce of consideration in your body for anyone other than yourself?- and, unfortunately, she was hit with a flash of humanity. What if this had happened to one of them? She’d be as pissed off as Casey, wouldn’t she? “Oh crap,” she sighed out loud. She hated when feelings got involved.
************
“Luke?”
Luke looked up from his coffee mug, his heart hoping even as his brain recognized that the voice wasn’t Noah’s.
It was Marcus. He stood in the entryway to the kitchen, studying Luke with concern, slightly out of breath. He moved closer almost cautiously. “Your grandmother called me, told me what happened. Is there anything I can… Has anyone found…?”
Luke smiled painfully. “He’s okay. I don’t know where he is, but he’s okay.”
Marcus let out a breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding. He sat down across from Luke at the kitchen table. “He is?”
Luke waved his cell phone absentmindedly. “He called me like twenty minutes after he disappeared. Didn’t want me to worry, said he’d be home later. He just needed some time.”
“Thank God,” Marcus sighed softly before studying him again. “That’s good. That he called you. That he knew he could or should call you. He’s learning.”
“Yeah,” Luke put his phone back on the table, making sure it was nearby, just in case it rang again. He ran a hand through his hair, reminding himself yet again that he needed a haircut.
“Was that all he said?” Marcus asked knowingly. There had to have been something else.
Luke let out a shaky laugh. “Well, it was hard to have a real conversation, considering both of us couldn’t stop apologizing.” He looked up at Marcus, eyes tired. “My crazy, meddling family ran him off, Doc. My dad and I started fighting, and I lost track of him, and then he was gone.”
“I doubt he’s angry with you, Luke. Are you mad at him for running away?” Marcus asked curiously.
Luke thought about his answer. “I think I was a little bit, at first. But he called me like right away, you know? He wanted me to know he was okay and he wasn’t running from me and he’d be back soon. And I can’t blame him for getting out of here, I really can’t. We were all yelling at each other, and forgot it was Noah’s life we were yelling about.”
“You’re not going to go look for him?”
He shook his head. “Casey wanted to, but I won’t. He needs some time to breathe, I can understand that. And I know he’ll come back home as soon as he’s got himself under control.” He fiddled with his coffee mug again, twisting it around in his hands. “God, I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe something like this is even possible.”
Marcus’s laugh was just as painful as Luke’s had been. “Unfortunately, things like this are very possible. It just seems less real because Noah’s gone through so much already.”
“It’s not fair,” Luke agreed. After another silence, Luke had to ask. “What do you think Noah should do?”
Marcus raised his eyebrows. “About the family?” he guessed. After Luke nodded, he heaved a sigh. “I honestly don’t know. I might need some time too.” They both chuckled, and Marcus turned serious. “I think, knowing Noah as I do, that at some point he’s going to want to meet this family. If or when we get solid proof that he was once Andrew Miller… he’s going to want to help them. Give them closure, give them the truth.”
“Will that be good for him though?” Luke asked, leaning forward. “Because, no offense to this family, but I care about him more than them. What if they’re bad people, what if they don’t deserve him? They could be, like, drug runners or… Tea Party supporters, or…” he swallowed hard. “What if they’re this nice southern family who does barbeques and sweet tea, and he meets them and likes them, and then they find out he’s gay and…” he looked up when Marcus started to laugh. Luke softened. “I’m panicking, aren’t I?”
“A little,” Marcus said gently. “Those are all valid fears, Luke. And you’re allowed to have them. But just remember that we have to support Noah through this. It truly is his decision.”
“I know,” Luke replied. “I know. And I hate it.”
Marcus laughed again. “You said you and your father were fighting. Was it about your job again?”
Luke nodded. “Damian wants me to go on a business trip to New York this week. I had my mind all made up to go until this happened. Now I don’t think I can leave Noah. And my dad found out and we started arguing, etcetera etcetera,” he waved a hand, sighing.
Marcus nodded for a moment, thinking. “How does Noah feel about the trip?”
Luke frowned. “He told me he wanted me to go, even after I found out about this crap. But I can’t leave him now, can I?”
“I don’t think he would see it as you leaving him if you went on this trip, Luke. Now, I’m not telling you to go or not go. I just want you to make the decision you won’t regret later. Noah would hate it if you ended up regretting not going to New York, especially if it was to stay with him.”
“Wow, thanks for that guilt trip,” Luke muttered.
Marcus laughed again. “Well, I’m a part of the Greatest Generation. It’s what we’re good at it.” After Luke let out a laugh of his own, Marcus grew serious again. “Honestly, I’m not trying to influence your decision. I just want you to really think about it, be happy with what ever you end up doing. There’s enough trouble going on right now, why add more to it?”
Luke nodded, smiling wanly. “I’m not going to have to pay you for this session, am I?”
The older man laughed again. “I’ll add it to the tab.”
Luke dipped his head graciously. “Thanks, Doc.” He swallowed heavily. “And seriously. Thank you, for being here and not letting me go crazy. For… I don’t know, being another person who cares about Noah.”
Marcus smiled. “I think there’s more of those people than he really realizes, but you’re welcome. And I’m glad to share that burden, trust me. Especially after…” He looked away.
Luke was quick to jump in. “No, no way. He was more scared that you were mad at him than anything else. What happened at Java, you couldn’t have known what was really going on. Take all that advice you just gave me, okay? Noah’s not upset with you, not at all.”
Now it was Marcus’s turn to smile painfully. “I’ll try to. I’d never forgive myself if Noah felt he couldn’t talk to me anymore. Unfortunately, it looks like he’s still going to need our sessions.” Slightly more embarrassed, “And I want to be someone he can count on.”
“He does count on you,” Luke assured. He let out a breath, more and more grateful as he mulled over the conversation they’d just had. He really was going to have to think about this New York thing. And then something else Marcus said stood out in his brain. There’s enough going on right now, why add more to it? “Doc…”
“Yes?” Marcus had stood, gathering his coat. He stopped and turned back Luke.
“Everything that’s happened, everything that’s happening now…” he looked up, eyes sad again. “How much more do you think Noah can take?”
************
Emily sighed as she got out of her car. She had no idea what she was about to say. She wondered if she could just fake this conversation, but something told her the kid would see right through it. She entered the cemetery somewhat cautiously, making her way over to the small granite bench where a tall, lanky figure was sitting.
She stopped a few feet away, crossing her arms. Noah’s shoulders tensed ever so slightly, so she knew she wasn’t sneaking up on him. “This is where you ran off to? To her?” she asked, narrowing her eyes when she realized her voice wasn’t as biting as usual.
Those shoulders shrugged a little. “Didn’t want anyone to find me. I figured no one would check to see if I was visiting my dead-fake-mother’s grave.”
Emily let out a snort of laughter, daring to take a few steps closer. They both fell silent, and it stayed that way for a few more minutes until Emily couldn’t take it anymore. “So how come you’re not screaming at me?”
“Because honestly?” Noah still didn’t look at her. “I’ve got a lot on my mind right now, and you’re not rating very high on the list. And I’m not going to yell at you now to help you with your guilt or whatever. No offense.”
“None taken,” she answered automatically. She studied him again before taking yet another step closer. “Besides, Casey already took care of that for you. The screaming part, I mean.” She paused at the surprised but fond smile that briefly lit up Noah’s face, then continued. “And what’s worse, it actually worked. I feel guilty.”
“My condolences,” he murmured, almost without meaning to.
“Thanks,” she shot back. “Anyway, I know Ali and Hunter are going to be mad at me too, and I thought that if there was a way I could make it up to you, maybe I wouldn’t feel even guiltier when they scream at me.”
“Wow, that was beautiful,” Noah said, again under his breath. Then he finally turned to look at her. “How are you planning on making this up to me?”
She moved to stand in front of him. “I know I can’t. And believe it or not, I really am sorry about that. So, um, here.” She held out a folder of papers towards him.
He hesitated for a moment before taking it. “What is it?” he asked, not daring to open it until he knew.
“I didn’t just research you,” she told him. “That’s everything I could find on the Miller family. What they’ve been up to since… Andrew… disappeared, what they’re all doing now.” Noah’s eyes widened, but he didn’t move to open the folder. She kept talking. “The parent’s names are-”
He held up a hand. “I’m not ready for that yet, thanks.”
“Okay,” she said, quieter. After another pause, “For what it’s worth, I actually am sorry.”
Noah was now staring down at his hands, fidgeting. Years of interviewing people told Emily to shut up and wait- whatever would be said next would be important. She wasn’t wrong. “Ali told me you’re trying to have a baby.” Emily was so shocked she couldn’t respond right away, so Noah kept talking. “I, uh, I hope… good luck.”
He sounded so sincere. How the hell could he still be nice to her? She was still in enough shock that all she could say was, “Thank you.” She ended up sitting down next to him on the bench.
“Though why you’d want to bring a kid into this screwed up world with screwed up people…” he mumbled, not thinking she could hear.
Emily would never know why she replied, maybe still some sense of guilt, but she did. “Well, maybe so this kid and people like you can make things better.”
He shook his head. “Maybe your kid.” Even quieter, “I think it’s too late for me.” And Emily wanted to deny that, though she couldn’t help but think it was too late for her, too.
************
Noah shuffled in through the front door, ducking his head and blushing even before he saw Luke. He still couldn’t believe he had acted like such a drama queen earlier and actually ran out of his own home. He had all his apologies and begging for forgiveness all planned out, but the words died in his throat when he reached the living room.
Luke was fast asleep on the couch, blanket half-kicked off of him. The lights were off, so the shadows cast from the TV left a strange glow on his face. Noah took another step into the room, and then that feeling hit him square in the chest. The feeling he always got at the most random of times, God, he is so beautiful. Really, why did Luke put up with him?
He walked over to the couch and wrestled between waking Luke up and letting him get some rest. Getting some rest sounded pretty damn good right now, he had to admit. Somehow he ended up sitting on the floor in front of the couch, settling down by where Luke was resting his head. He stared at the TV, no idea what was actually playing on screen. The people looked happy, and he had to turn away.
He couldn’t help but jump, startled, when a pair of arms dropped down to wrap around him, a chin resting right at where his neck and shoulder met. “Did you just get home?” Luke asked in a sleep-roughened voice.
Noah nodded, not trusting his own voice at the moment. He covered Luke’s hands with his own. He sat there, rubbing them gently, until he felt he could speak. “I’m so sorry, Luke.”
He felt the deep sigh more than heard it. “Noah…”
“I am Luke, I am. I shouldn’t have run out on you. Left you when you and your dad were… I shouldn’t have run.” He cleared his throat when it got scratchy again. “And I should have told you everything when I found out, I know I should have. It’s just-”
“Noah, shut up,” Luke’s voice had a smile to it, and he let himself be turned around until he was facing his boyfriend. Luke studied him for a few seconds and then leaned forward enough to kiss him on the nose. Noah was pretty sure he was blushing again. “Like I said on the phone, I don’t blame you for getting out of here. I’m sorry you had to.”
Noah frowned determinedly. “It’s not your fault.”
Luke laughed softly, then scooted himself back as far as he could and patted the now empty space alongside him. “Get up here, dumbass.”
Noah shook his head as he slid onto the couch so he was lying next to Luke. “You know, I really love all my nicknames.”
Grinning, Luke wrapped his arms tightly around him, pulling him even closer. “I love you,” he whispered fiercely. Noah tucked his face into the crook of Luke’s neck, inhaling his scent and then letting out a shaky breath. “And no matter what, this doesn’t change you or anything I love about you. Can you remember that?”
Noah didn’t answer, but he tightened his own grip on Luke, dropping a kiss onto the skin that showed just above his shirt collar. Luke smiled, one hand inevitably finding its way into Noah’s hair. After another few minutes of silence, “Well, this explains one thing,” Noah mumbled into Luke’s shirt.
“What’s that?” Luke asked, trailing fingers lazily up and down his back.
“Why Charlene didn’t take me with her when she left the Colonel. I always wondered, you know? Why she left me behind?”
“Noah…” Luke couldn’t help but tighten his grip.
“No, Luke, it’s okay. I’m not looking for sympathy or anything. I’m not even that sad about it. It makes sense now. Why she could leave her son with that monster. Because I wasn’t really her son, was I?” Of course, Noah found it so much easier to say this when his face was still hidden in Luke’s neck.
Luke was silent for a moment. He knew Noah wasn’t expecting an answer, but he obviously wanted to say something anyway. “Well, it doesn’t matter. Because you are really my boyfriend, and I wouldn’t leave you if you paid me to.”
After a very lengthy, emotional pause, “Not even a dollar?”
Luke smirked. “Really? That’s all our relationship is worth to you? A dollar?” He poked Noah in the ribs.
He squirmed away with a huff of laughter. “Well you are kinda messy. You never put away dishes after they’ve been-”
“Oh, that’s it!” Luke twisted and pounced, going for Noah’s ribs again. They play-fought for a few minutes, until both were too out of breath to continue. Luke flopped down half on top of Noah, grinning as though he had won something. He wrapped one arm around Noah, pulling their bodies together as close as possible.
Noah smiled at the feeling, pulling one of Luke’s hands into both of his, playing with his fingers one by one. “Luke?”
“Yeah?” Luke rested his head on Noah’s chest, relaxing once he heard the steady heartbeat.
Noah’s voice turned cautious, and Luke steeled himself. This was the tone Noah always used when he was about to say something adorably heart-breaking, and Luke was determined not to cry this time. He was going to be tagged as a crybaby if he wasn’t careful. “You don’t… you don’t have to apologize for your family.”
“I don’t?” He had no idea where this was going.
Noah shook his head, Luke could feel the movement from where he lay. He purposefully didn’t look up at him, keeping his ear pressed to warm shirt and skin, the heartbeat underneath. It almost made him miss the words Noah spoke. “No. It’s okay. I mean, it was crazy… but it’s kinda nice too, you know?”
Luke smiled, glad he had readied himself. “To have a family that cares about you?”
Noah’s breathing was slow and soft. “Yeah.” His voice even softer, “Thank you for that.”
Luke lifted his head and kissed where his ear had been, right over the heart. “You falling asleep, babe?” It wasn’t that late, but it had been an admittedly long day.
“Yeah,” Noah’s voice was deeper and drawn-out now. “Let’s go to sleep, okay?” He was still holding Luke’s hand, now against his own cheek, holding it tight like Luke was his stuffed animal.
Luke liked the feeling, and almost hated himself for pulling away, sitting up on the couch next to Noah. “Okay, then wait just a bit,” he had to say, knowing Noah would be feeling it in the morning if he slept here. They had purposefully picked out a couch that wasn’t completely comfortable when they had gone furniture shopping for the apartment. The justification was that neither of them would want to go to bed angry or sleep apart if the couch caused a sore back by morning. And so far, it had worked out perfectly. “Why don’t we get you to bed first?”
Noah frowned slightly, and Luke prepared himself for a protest of some kind. But then Noah just smirked sleepily. “You flirting with me, Snyder?”
He forced out a chuckle. Noah’s smile wasn’t reaching his eyes, and Luke was still worried. Noah was putting on an act, he was still freaked. “Always, lover. Now come on, I have to get my man into bed for the night.” He pulled Noah up off the couch, and for the first time noticed the folder sticking out from under where Noah had dropped his jacket. “What’s that?”
Noah followed his gaze. “Oh.” He picked up the folder and placed it on the coffee table, but didn’t open it. “Emily Stewart gave it to me. It’s, um, information on the f-family.”
Luke stared at the folder, then back at Noah. “Okay.” He looked at the folder again, “Well, we’re definitely going to pretend that doesn’t exist for tonight.” Noah didn’t say anything, but Luke could have felt his relief from across the room.
He continued to pull Noah out of the living room, not stopping when Noah spoke up. “Luke?”
“Yeah?” he guided Noah into the bedroom, pushing him lightly towards the bed before turning to shut the door and flip off the lights. They both shed clothes as they moved towards their designated spots in bed, Noah pausing to take off his watch and put it on his bedside table.
He waited until Luke was settled and then curled around him, wrapping both arms tight and burying his face in Luke’s hair. Then he remembered that he was supposed to speak. “Tomorrow, we’re going to figure out the New York thing, ’kay?”
Even though Noah couldn’t see him, Luke smiled. He pulled up the hand he had his fingers linked with and kissed it noisily a couple times, and even though he couldn’t see Noah, he knew he was smiling too. “Okay.”
************
When Holden finally made it to the bedroom, Lily was sitting in bed, going over Lakeview paperwork. He slid in next to her, sighing heavily as he rested his head on the pillow. “That went well.”
“I think that pretty much sums up the entire day, don’t you?” Lily said without looking up. She had been staring at the same paragraph for the last twenty minutes, and she still had no idea what it said.
“Yeah, but you weren’t just on the phone with Mama and Jack.”
“You told them?” she finally put the paperwork away, turning towards him.
He sighed again. “Yeah. I figured they should know, since we do. And I didn’t think Noah would know how to tell them, so…” He frowned. “Should I not have?”
She smiled sadly. “No, I think that was probably the only good thing any of us have done today.”
He grunted. “Can’t argue there.” Quieter, almost tentative, “Have you heard from Luke?”
She was quiet for a moment, preparing her answer. “Yes. Noah’s okay. He called Luke not long after…” After Luke threw us out of the apartment. After Casey Hughes of all people reminded us of what was important. After Noah felt he had to run away from us. “They’re both fine.”
“Relatively speaking,” Holden mumbled, rubbing both hands over his face. He still couldn’t really believe all this crap with Noah and this family in Georgia. God, that poor kid couldn’t catch a break.
He just wanted to bundle both Luke and Noah up, take them to Emma and the farm, and leave them there for eternity. Keep them somewhere safe, away from the damage of Noah’s past, away from whatever (whoever) could threaten them now…
“You’re doing it again,” Lily commented, turning off her bedside lamp.
“Doing what?” He turned his off too, and they both turned so they were lying facing each other.
“Your head was about to go to Damian. Whatever you were thinking, you were about to blame Damian for.” She was frowning at him now, eyes weary as though they were about to have the same fight all over again. “Please, just for now? Let it go.”
And maybe they were. “I can’t… I can’t help it, Lily. Someone has to keep an eye on him. Someone has to… to stay on alert.”
Lily closed her eyes for a few moments, then reopened them. “And I understand that honey, but… you’re letting your anger get the better of you. And that’s not helping either boy right now.” Her voice grew a little desperate. “Can’t you see that? Can’t you see that you arguing with Luke helped drive Noah away?”
“That’s not-” Holden tried to protest.
“I know we all share the blame in that,” Lily understood. “But, see, we can’t control what’s happening to Noah. You can control this fight with Luke.” Her voice cracked slightly. “They’re going to need us, Holden. They’re going to need their parents, and if Luke and you can’t be…” she shook her head.
“I’m trying to protect them from Damian,” he said quietly. Someone had to, right?
Lily sighed wearily again, and Holden was really starting to hate that sound. Hate that he was the cause of it. She pursed her lips a little before speaking. “I know you remember the things Damian has done, I know you do. And I know you remember the things that the Colonel has done.”
He frowned again, no idea where she was going with this. “Of course I do.”
Lily had tears in her eyes now. “And everything going on with Noah now… Holden, out of two boys and four possible fathers... maybe you could be the man to actually be there for them?”
************
Wednesday was the least fun day of the week, Luke decided absentmindedly as he finished typing up a memo and emailing it to Stacey. It had been a monster-bitch of a weekend, to the point of where the last two days had been positively boring by comparison. On Monday, by Luke’s request, both he and Noah took the day off from life, staying in the apartment, eating whatever was already in the fridge, laying on the couch and watching TV. The folder Emily had given Noah remained unopened.
Tuesday, this time by Noah’s request, they both went back to their normal schedule, classes and work. Noah wanted another day to not deal with that folder, and the mind-numbing routine of school and Java would do that for him. Luke went back to Grimaldi Shipping with little fuss.
He had given Damian a bare-bones version of what was going on, and the man was surprisingly understanding and concerned. It actually shocked Luke more than he thought it would. Seeing Damian care about his son’s boyfriend was a far cry from the man he had known at sixteen.
“Hello, son.” Speak of the devil.
“Hi Damian.” Luke pushed himself back away from his computer and desk as Damian entered his office.
“Stacey’s out there printing out your memo. I take it this means you won’t be attending the budget meeting later?” Damian asked serenely.
Luke shook his head. “Noah gets out of class at five, I’m trying to get home before he does. I want to spend as much time with him as possible, especially since I won’t be seeing him for two days.”
“Are you sure he’s okay with you going to New York with me?” Damian took a seat across from him.
Luke couldn’t stop himself from smiling. “Yeah, I think he’s more okay with it than I am. He doesn’t want me to miss out on something important because of him. We talked about it a lot on Monday. It’s just for two days, I can call him any time to check on him. And each day he’s doing a little better, so I ‘have to trust that he can actually be alone every once in awhile’ or something like that.”
Damian laughed. “It sounds like he’s given you a lecture on it.”
“Or two,” Luke agreed, laughing too. “But seriously, Damian, if I’m leaving tomorrow, I want to spend as much time with him tonight as I can. For my own peace of mind, because I know as together as he is, he’s still more upset about everything than he’s been letting on.”
“No, no, I understand Luciano. And again, if there’s anything I can do to help…” Damian stood up again, preparing to leave.
Luke nodded. “Thanks. And actually,” he spun back towards his desk, picking up a stack of papers. “That weird thing with the expense reports? The missing money that’s not missing because we can’t find it?” He waved the papers around. “It turned up again, in the files for January.”
Damian frowned. “Really?”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded. “It’s the weirdest thing, because money is being moved around, but from where and to where, I have no idea. Did you ever find anything when you looked into the end of the year stuff?”
Damian took the paperwork that Luke was holding out, looking it over. “Nothing at all, so I just assumed it was a clerical error of some kind. But if it’s showing up on paperwork again, that’s unacceptable.”
“I know,” Luke shoved hair out of his eyes. “Do you have any idea what it could be? I mean, if I didn’t know any better I’d say someone within the company was-”
“Money laundering,” Damian murmured, grimacing. “It’s possible, though I’d hate to think that someone in my employment would do such a thing.” He shook his head, looking back up at Luke. “Either way, don’t worry about it. I’ll handle this.” Luke was about to protest- Damian said that last time!- but Damian then nodded towards the clock. “You might want to hurry if you want to beat Noah back to your apartment, son.”
Luke checked the clock. It was 4:30. “Oh crap!” He stood, grabbing his suit jacket and throwing it on. There was still one stop he had to make before he could go home, he’d have to hurry if he wanted to get there on time. Damn, sometimes he wished Oakdale had a teleporter, life would be so much easier.
************
Lily smiled happily (and maybe a little relieved) when Luke walked into her office, slightly out of breath and harried. “Hi honey.”
“Hi Mom, I have a huge favor to ask you, and I know things are a little weird right now but-” Luke shrugged off his coat and dropped into the chair across from her.
She cut him off with a slight laugh. “Luke, there is no favor too ‘huge’ that I won’t do it, short of robbing a bank. And really, even that would depend on what you needed the money for.” She was more than a little relieved when he laughed; Luke was looking tired and stressed and she hated seeing her usually bright, high-spirited son this way. “So what is this favor?”
He took a deep breath, as though preparing to give a speech. “I’m going to New York tomorrow. And I’ll be back on Saturday, but with everything going on… Can you just, just keep an eye on Noah? Check in on him, invite him to dinner, something? I don’t want him sitting in the apartment the whole time I’m gone thinking about everything.”
Lily’s smile widened. Wow, she was actually being given permission to mother Noah for two whole days straight? It was like an early birthday present. She kept that to herself, nodding instead. “Of course! Of course I will, you didn’t even need to ask. And anyway, there’s no way he’s getting out of my Friday Night Dinner.”
Luke’s smile was more genuine then too, and comforted. “Good. And just…” he hesitated before continuing. “Just don’t let him find out I asked you, please? Make it seem like your overbearing love doing this, not mine.”
She laughed outright. “I really think I can manage that, sweetie. Noah won’t know what hit him.” It looked like a weight was lifted off Luke’s shoulders, and for some reason she felt like now was the time to ask what had been on her mind for the last two days. “Luke. You are going to New York for the right reasons, aren’t you?”
For a second it looked like he was going to get angry, but then he looked at her again, calm and resolute. “Yes. I am. I really am.”
Lily nodded. “Okay. That’s all I needed to hear.” Luke smiled and got up to leave, but stopped when Lily came around her desk to hug him. “Have a good trip, Luke.”
He sighed into her shoulder, hugging her back tightly. “Thanks Mom.”
“And remember,” she pulled back to look him in the face. “We’re your parents and we love you, no matter what you do. And we’ll support you, no matter what you do. No matter who you work for.” She gave him a little shove towards the door.
He grinned. “Even if I rob a bank?”
She sighed, going back to her desk and that never ending pile of paperwork. “Depends on what you need the money for, darling.”
************
Jack had to admit he was nervous. His heart had stuttered when he got home from his shift and saw Noah’s truck parked behind the barn. He hadn’t thought he’d get a chance to see Noah for awhile, though he had been thinking of crashing Friday Night Dinner so they’d have a chance to talk.
He walked the path cautiously, spotting Noah instantly. He was sitting in his usual spot, long legs stretched out in front of him, staring out at the gray pond water. Jack had to wonder, not for the first time, if Noah was hoping for those ducks to appear and pester him for bread crumbs. He would not admit that he missed those damn birds too. And anyway, even if he did, it was for Noah’s sake.
“Hey,” he called out quietly, coming closer. He hated seeing Noah tense up, but forced himself to keep moving, sitting down next to him. “Didn’t know you’d be here today.”
Noah took a couple slow breaths, visibly relaxing. “My last class got canceled. But I think Luke wanted to get home before me today, so I’m, um, waiting here.”
Jack couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “Ah, the sacrifices we make for love.” The laugh quickly died when Noah didn’t even try to smile back. Jack sighed, moving in a little closer. “Noah. I’m sorry kid, really, for looking into your family without you knowing. It wasn’t meant to be a secret. And it wasn’t because I didn’t trust you or how you’d react.”
Noah didn’t say anything, but his face turned just a little bit closer towards Jack. It was his way of showing he was listening.
Jack kept going. “I just, I knew something was off with your- with the Colonel. And I wasn’t sure what it could be, and I…” he said the rest in a rush. “I wanted to find out what it was before it got to you, before it did anything to you.”
Noah gave a half-hearted smirk. “That pretty much failed, huh?”
Jack laughed again, patting Noah briefly on the back, taking a moment to squeeze his shoulder before pulling back. “Yeah, sorry about that too.”
Noah’s smile, which had involuntarily appeared when Jack touched his shoulder, stayed in place at that, though it definitely looked more forced. “I’m starting to get sick of people saying sorry to me. I don’t like being that kind of person,” he confessed quietly.
“It doesn’t mean they feel sorry for you,” Jack defended. “It just means they care about you. That’s a good thing, remember?”
Noah’s laugh was almost half-sigh. “Yeah.” He grew quiet again, pulling up strands of grass and dropping them at his feet. Jack stayed silent, waiting for whatever it was Noah was trying to say. “You know everything, right? Holden probably told you?”
Jack fought the urge to give him another hug. “Yeah. He told me.”
Noah nodded, looking out at the water again. “It’s like… it’s like I found an alternate reality, where I’m supposed to be this whole other person. And the person I am now is a mistake. I don’t know how to deal with it.” He shrugged, and it looked like it took all of his energy to do it. “I don’t even know my real name,” it came out as a little bit of a laugh, like he couldn’t believe what he was saying.
For a moment, Jack struggled for the right words. “Noah, I don’t care if your name turned out to be Abraham Lincoln. It wouldn’t matter. You’ll always be a Snyder, kid.” Noah finally turned to face him fully, and Jack made sure to hold his gaze. “And Snyders don’t butt out of family business. So we’re going to be bugging the crap out of you for a long time, and you’re just going to have to suck it up and get used to it.”
Noah’s eyes grew almost too wide, and he ducked his head to try to hide the small surprised smile that he couldn’t fight off. Jack’s grin grew too, and he slung his arm around Noah again, prodding him to his feet. “Come on, it’s cold out. Why don’t you wait out Luke in the house- Emma’s been baking nonstop, and I know she has some cookies for you.”
************
Luke set his suitcase back on the ground, zipping it up as he sat on the edge of the bed. He stared at it, suddenly willing it to unpack itself and disappear. He leaned forward until his elbows rested on his knees, burying his head in his hands. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea, maybe now wasn’t the best time to-
He felt a leg kick him lightly. “Hey.” Noah’s voice was fuzzy and soft.
“Yeah?” Luke couldn’t turn around and look at him. If he did, he knew he’d want to stay. Crawl back in bed with his naked boyfriend and never let go.
Noah’s sleep-heavy voice wasn’t helping. “You remembered to pack an extra shirt, right? ’Cause no offense babe, but you’re a messy eater and if-”
“I’m not going,” Luke burst out, head still in his hands. “I can’t. I can’t go.”
There was a beat of silence, and then movement behind him. Soon a pair of legs settled down on either side of him, and arms wrapped around him loosely. Noah leaned forward into Luke’s back, resting his head close to Luke’s. “Yes you are,” he said softly.
Luke still couldn’t look at him. “I can’t just leave you here.”
“You’re not,” Noah insisted. “I’ll be fine, Luke. I promise. I have an appointment with Dr. Weston today, and a Movie Night. And classes and work and Friday Night Dinner tomorrow.” His voice dropped lower. “And I’m pretty sure you’ve convinced at least three Snyders to keep an eye on me, even though you’re only going to be gone two days.”
Luke let out a little laugh, dropping his hands onto Noah’s, holding them tight. Anchoring them both to the bed. “I just…” he didn’t know how to finish.
“Stop freaking out,” Noah scolded, jostling Luke gently in his arms, both of them moving side to side like a dance. “You’re going to be fine too.”
Luke felt stupid tears burn his eyes and had to blink them away, wondering whether he was that transparent or whether Noah just knew him that well. “You’re going to call me tonight, right? You promise?”
He felt a quick kiss on his cheek. “Promise.”
He took a deep breath and stood, turning to watch unabashedly as Noah pulled on a pair of sweatpants. Noah half-glared and blushed as he did, but it didn’t stop Luke from coming in close for a kiss. “Good morning.”
Noah hummed into the kiss, eyes closed and smiling. “Morning.” He picked up Luke’s suitcase for him and led him out to the living room. “What time is the car picking you up?”
Luke may have been pouting as he followed. “Ten minutes.”
Noah turned and looked at him, mocking the pout before smiling. “Come here.”
Luke didn’t hesitate in moving forward, and the two of them wrapped their arms around each other. “You sure you’re going to be alright? Because I know you’re not okay, Noah. You don’t have to pretend with me.”
“I’m not pretending, Luke. Promise. I’m just not… comprehending it all right now, you know?” He hugged Luke impossibly tighter. “But I promise not to let it sink in until you’re with me.”
Luke pulled back, reaching up to try to smooth down the crazy-cute bedhead Noah was sporting. “Sounds like an incredibly emotionally-healthy plan.”
Noah pursed his lips like he was fighting off a grin. “Coming from you? That means-”
He was about to be a smartass again, so Luke shut him up. He would have said he had no idea how long they stood there in that kiss and that embrace, but it was obviously about ten minutes. Too soon, he heard a car horn honk outside. They pulled back reluctantly, and somehow Noah’s hair was all messy again. Luke smiled, smoothing it down yet again. “I don’t want to go.”
Noah’s smile was a little pained, but very loving too. “And yet you do. And you should.” He kissed Luke softly. “It’ll be okay. And I’m going to call you tonight, remember?”
Luke kissed him this time, very slowly moving towards his suitcase and the door. “Not ever going to forget. Don’t think I won’t throw a giant temper tantrum if you don’t.”
Noah reached past him to open the front door. Luke stepped outside into the early morning air, then turned back to look at him. Noah gave him that crooked half-smile, leaning in the doorway. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”
Luke pretended to be wounded, clutching his chest. “Really? That’s the last thing you’re going to say to me before I go off to the big city?”
Noah smirked, then surprised him by reaching out and pulling him back by his tie. A quick, hard kiss, and then Noah was pushing him back again lightly. “Knock ’em dead, Snyder.”
When Luke finally caught his breath, he felt like cursing his boyfriend for doing that to him, especially since it did nothing to convince him to leave. Instead, he said the next best thing. “I love you.”
Noah’s smile was softer now. “Love you too. Now go.”
Luke didn’t remember walking away, but all of a sudden he was in the company car, headed for the airport. And his apartment door was shut, with Noah on the other side of it. That sucked. He took a deep breath, picked up his phone, and hit a speed dial.
“Dude,” Casey started talking as soon as he picked up and didn’t stop for Luke to get a word in. “I know I said call me anytime you need me, but it’s, like, dawn outside. It’s early. Your roosters haven’t even crowed yet, Farmboy.”
Luke rolled his eyes. “Noah and I don’t have roosters. And anyway, you somehow sound wide awake. What, did I interrupt you and Alison or something?”
There was a pause, then “Nope,” was all Casey said. Before Luke could think about that, Casey was talking again. “Doesn’t matter. What’s up?”
Luke frowned, listening to the background noise over the phone. “Are you in your car?”
Another pause. “Maybe.”
It was too early for Luke to play twenty questions, so he went back to his reason for calling. “Look, I know you’ve got classes today, but do you think at some point you could check up on Noah? You don’t-”
“Luke, why do you think I’m in my car? I’m going to pick up some beer and DVDs, and then I’m on my way to the apartment. Don’t freak out.” Casey’s voice was way too smug.
“Beer?” Luke echoed, refusing to give Casey any satisfaction. “It’s seven in the morning, what are you doing getting beer this early?”
“Whatever, Mr. CEO. Beer for breakfast is a time-honored tradition for college boys. And you asked for my help, don’t question my comfort methods,” Casey shot back airily. “Go have fun in New York, your boyfriend’s going to be well taken care of.”
Luke let out a breath, more relieved than he thought he would be. “Thanks Case.” He snapped his phone shut and leaned back against the leather seat, closing his eyes. Two days. He could handle being away for two days. He’d be fine.
And then his eyes popped open. Two days. Who was he kidding? Saturday couldn’t get here soon enough.
************
He was suddenly very, very alone. And somehow, the apartment seemed a lot bigger and emptier. Noah couldn’t get himself to fall back asleep, there was something wrong with the bed now, so he went through the normal morning routine. He took a shower, got dressed, made some coffee. But Noah still felt uncomfortable, which was stupid. This was his home, what was wrong with him?
It was too quiet, that was the problem. There wasn’t enough noise. Noah went into the living room, turning the TV on. It helped, but he still couldn’t relax. He flexed his fingers, staring at his hand when it went a little numb. It hadn’t done that in months. He and Dr. Weston had worked through his body’s reactions to stress and trauma, this wasn’t supposed to happen anymore. For a second Noah really really wanted to call Luke.
His hand was reaching for his phone before he realized it. “No,” he said out loud, telling himself he was being ridiculous. He’d been alone for half an hour and he was already chickening out? No. He just needed a distraction.
And again, before he realized it, his hand was moving. Against his will. His hand was evil, that must be it. Because before he knew it, the Folder of Doom was on his lap, and it was open.
Noah’s eyes were squeezed shut tightly, at least at first. But then they were opening, and he was looking down. It was like the kid who can’t help but stare into the eclipse, even when warned not to. He had to look. Even if his eyes got burned, he had to read.
Looking back on it later, Noah couldn’t say when it was that his brain stopped working. It was sometime around then, definitely, because the next thing he knew he was walking out of the apartment with his overnight bag, getting into his truck, and heading towards the train station. It was like he was on autopilot again, and he couldn’t break himself free enough to realize that this was crazy. And very stupid. But then he was buying a ticket. And then he was getting on a train. Man, Luke’s going to be pissed.
But Noah couldn’t get himself to stop. The attendant was calling all aboard. He couldn’t get himself to turn around, go back to his apartment, and call Dr. Weston. The train was pulling away from the station. Call Lily or Jack or Casey or-
Somebody plopped down into the seat next to him, and he couldn’t help but flinch. He didn’t want someone sitting next to him. He either wanted to be alone, or with Luke. Nothing else was okay. Noah sat still, his hands still flexing open and closed. He shouldn’t be doing this, he should… should…
The person next to him cleared his throat pointedly. Noah steeled himself and looked up. And almost started choking on the air he wasn’t breathing.
Casey grinned at him cheerfully. “So. Where are we going?”
TO BE CONTINUED! Coming Up: Luke gets the runaround from Damian, Marcus and Lucinda discuss their fears, Casey calls for back-up, Noah runs into someone unexpected...