Was in weird mood when I wrote this one. Oh, my head. Poor Elrond.

The Very Secret Diary of Elrond

Day 1:

Bad breakup with Isildur. As if the pervy
hobbit-fancying wasn't bad enough, he would insist on wearing tacky gold jewelry against my advice. Confirms my suspicions that humans not just weakest race of Middle-Earth, but also cannot ( Read more... )

For ali_wildgoose, upon the occasion of her birthday.

NB: If you are new to the diaries, or just want to read them in order, go HERE:

http://diaries.diagon.org/

The Very Secret Diary of Arwen Undomiel

Day One Broke up with Aragorn today. He would insist on giving me a clay pipe and a pair of ( Read more... )

I have not bothered with Gollum's weird speech because it does not fit with the VSD style. Complaints about lack of canon accuracy can be sent to The Management. :D

The Secret Diary of Gollum

Dedicated to Emily, the much put-upon. Damn, hell looks a lot like high school.

Day One Popped over to attend Pervy Hobbit Fanciers Anonymous Meeting ( Read more... )

This one is dedicated to Jeff. Being as these diaries were originally concieved of as a way to get him to stop reading my Live Journal, I'd say it's all down to him, really. Go Jeff. :D I couldn't have done it without you.

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V. Secret Diary of Ringwraith No. 5

Day 1Just opened Christmas pressie from Sauron. Pretty, pretty, pretty, ( Read more... )

THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF MERIADOC BRANDYBUCK

Dedicated to Ashley, my very own Ashwise Gamgee. Everyone should have one.

DAY ONE Got in trouble for setting off fireworks at party. Suspect Gandalf not actually all that annoyed and was merely excuse to get us young hobbit boys wet and lathered up. Became even more suspicious when “washing dishes” ( Read more... )

Soon I will run out of characters. This one’s for Alex Malfoy, who does not like it when the Fellowship is bitchy. :D

THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF GIMLI SON OF GLOIN

DAY ONE

Grr. Argh.

DAY TWO Faffing about in Rivendell with stuck-up elves v. bad for my digestion. Have asked Elrond to move me to second floor as cannot get into bathroom here ( Read more... )

Dedicated to whoever bought me a paid LJ account. I thank you, oh silent benefactor. That was awfully nice.

THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF SARUMAN THE WHITE

DAY ONE

Am bored. No cable in Isengard. Nothing to do but write rude anonymous letters to Radagast the Brown and Manfred the Slightly Ecru.

Perhaps will have a look at the palantir.

DAY TWO ( Read more... )

I know I said it would be Merry's Diary, but it's Pippin's. Oh, and the next person who tells me Legolas' father's name is not Weenus gets an arrow in the eye. :D I know perfectly well it isn't. I just don't care. :D

THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF PEREGRINE TOOK

DAY ONE Was out pilfering vegetables when bumped into Sam and Frodo. Had a nice little ( Read more... )

Apologies to Rave for filching her "weed" idea. Bah hah hah. :D

THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF GANDALF THE GREY

Day One:

In Shire. Stunning vista of innocent and pastoral beauty. Is it me, or was Frodo just hanging around in that field masturbating before I came along?

Day Two:Bilbo's Birthday party improved by substantial amount of hobbit weed. ( Read more... )

*sigh* Who am I to hop off the bandwagon? Just as a note, if you're new to reading the diaries, start from the bottom entries and work your way up. Otherwise pointy wizard hat stuff might not make sense.

This one's for Rave, on account of her fab Legolas/Aragorn parody.

THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF SAMWISE GAMGEE

Day One:Frodo stabbed by Morgul ( Read more... )