Hold My Silence (Chapter 9)
Title: Hold My Silence
Author: casy_dee
Rating: T
Characters/Pairing: Connor/Abby
Spoiler: Series 3
Warning: Angst
Genre: Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Summary: Abby has secrets in her past, but is it right to keep them there? Can Connor accept it? Set in the Cretaceous...
Part: 9/?
Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5 , Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8
Chapter Nine of Hold My Silence is Behind The Cut
Chapter 9
A/N: Tough, tough, tough writing, this one. I hope ya'll think it was worth the effort, and ya'll enjoy it… and thanks so much to the folks that review and continue to inspire me.
Knee deep in the river, Connor stood stock still with his new fishing tool poised to strike. He'd been making another spear to replace Abby's broken one when inspiration struck him to construct a gaff for fishing. Relying on their water traps for fish was unreliable at best, and spear fishing for them was an exercise in extreme frustration. Connor and Abby would spend hours waiting for the fish to come near enough to strike, and then half the time they would miss them when they did. They still tried for them; fish tasted better and fishing was much safer than hunting.
Connor had grown more adept at hunting as the days wore on, but mammals were few and far between, and although dinosaur was edible, it wasn't good. They hunted as a team these days, but Abby always held the spotter position instead of the hunter. Abby was practical about it; Connor was larger and stronger and stood more of a chance of success, and she was far more knowledgeable about treating any resulting injuries than he was. He hunted, she was the lookout, and she patched him up after. It worked. Besides, it was just Connor. She didn't need to be the tough girl that had to prove she could do anything that he could do… not with him. He knew she was capable; this was just a practical division of labor.
If he had found a better way to fish, their quality of life would be much improved. He'd excitedly described the new fishing implement to her, and then he'd gone to work making one for each of them. Much like hunting, one would watch while the other fished, but it was nice to have their own tools and weapons. Abby's spear had been made lighter and shorter so that it was easier for her to wield effectively, and her knife was made to fit her smaller hand easily. The gaffs were identical, but Connor knew Abby would want her own.
The gaff was a modified spear, essentially. The tip was split crossways into several tines, and then two sticks wedged at the base of the split were bound in an x pattern to keep the tines spread apart. Connor had sharpened the tines to wicked points, and explained that it would work sort of as a trident would. They'd not have to be as accurate, if they got close to the fish they were likely to catch it.
Abby had always known that Connor was intelligent, but little things like this convinced her that he was truly brilliant. She had always known Connor was book smart, and she knew he had an eidetic memory, but unlike many people that were geniuses of his level, he was able to apply his knowledge practically and had a fair share of common sense, as well. Her respect for him was growing daily, and she often wondered why it had taken her so long to realize what a remarkable man he was. She should tell him, she mused. She imagined the resulting delighted smile she'd win, and decided she would.
Abby had insisted that Connor be the first to try out the gaff, although she was a much more accurate fisher than he was. So far, he'd gotten them four fish, and by the tense way he held himself, he'd spotted another. He struck, and grinning, deposited the fish along with the others. At this rate, they would have enough to preserve for later. Connor knew how to smoke it over the fire to dry out the meat; once dried, the meat could last for weeks or even months if stored somewhere cool and dry.
Connor and Abby worked until long after the sun was set to get all of the fish drying over the fire. Connor had speared twelve fish, and then Abby had got eighteen. Tonight, they would have two fish apiece for dinner, and the rest they would preserve. It seemed like a lot of fish to Abby, preserved or not.
"Why so many fish, Connor?" Abby inquired as she worked to slice yet another fish into thin strips of meat suitable for drying.
He shrugged evasively as an answer. Abby's curiosity piqued, she raised an eyebrow and put her hands on her hips. If he answered like that, it meant that he was hiding something.
"What is it?" she asked flatly.
Connor chewed on his lip for a moment before he glanced up at her, "Well…"
Abby let her gaze grow frosty; Connor shrunk under the weight of it, "You won't like it."
"Connor, just say it," Abby insisted, trying to hold on to her temper.
Connor nodded, "Yeah, okay. Well the thing of it is, I think we need to start preparing to stay here on a more permanent basis, in case we can't get home anytime soon."
Abby froze, shaking her head, "No. They'll find us."
Her heart pounded to hear him talk of staying here. No. She couldn't. Something of the panic his words caused must have shown in her face, because Connor's eyes softened the way they always did when he knew she was frightened or hurt.
Connor sighed and nodded, "Of course they will. Abby, I'm not giving up, I promise. I'll keep working on the anomaly opening device and we'll keep looking for anomalies… but we need to live long enough to get home. I'm just trying to make sure that we can."
She swallowed hard and nodded. Yes, he was right. He was staring at her, concern written plainly on his face.
"Yeah, you're right, Conn," she replied brusquely, acting as if she hadn't been on the verge of a breakdown. "Let's get this fish done so we can eat, I'm starving."
She'd always been good at bravado, but she wasn't sure that Connor bought it. She was so afraid they would never get home. He gave her a searching look, his dark eyes serious.
He knelt down next to her, "Alright?"
She nodded, "Fine."
Abby tried to act normal as they finished prepping the fish and settled down to eat dinner. Connor was rambling on, and Abby made the appropriate noises to simulate interest while she thought about what it would mean to be stuck in the Cretaceous long term. At least she had Connor… but what if he were hurt, or killed? Was anyone even looking for them?
After they had eaten and washed up afterwards, Connor sat next to her by the fire. He pulled her close to his body, his arms around her. He was strangely silent… but then, any silence for Connor was strange. He was stroking her arm gently, and Abby closed her eyes and let him comfort her. It felt good… right somehow. It astonished her to realize that going back through all her memories, she couldn't think of anyone ever comforting her like Connor did. She shifted so that she could embrace him and hugged him tightly to her. After a startled second, he returned it.
"You're not okay, are you?" he asked softly.
She buried her head in his neck, his beard scratching her face. She drew in a deep breath, trying to find the words. Connor held her, waiting for her much more patiently than she ever would have been able to wait for him. She shook her head against him, unable to speak past the lump in her throat.
"What is it?" he asked gently; he was always so gentle with her.
"I'm scared," she admitted, her voice smaller than she wanted it to sound.
"Me too, but we'll be okay, yeah?" he whispered, and then pressed a kiss into her hair.
She nodded against his neck, winding her fingers into his hair and pulling him closer. He kissed her cheek, her nose, finally her lips. Abby responded eagerly, turning his sweet comforting kiss into something more. She ran her hands over his chest and shoulders, her fingers clutching the fabric as his mouth moved on hers. She slid her hand under his t-shirt to feel his smooth soft skin under her fingertips. He shivered as she traced her nails up and down his spine.
"Abby, please," he grated, breaking their kiss to rest his forehead against hers.
She had hitched his shirt halfway up his torso, her hands tracing the contours of each deliciously defined muscle.
She paused, staring back at him, "What is it?" she asked.
"You're touching me like that and it's hard…" he blushed bright red as she glanced down at his lap. "Hard to stop," he stammered.
"So don't stop," she whispered.
"Abby? But you said? I don't-" Connor stuttered.
"We'll never know if you keep stopping before we've even begun," Abby insisted, a little impatiently.
"What should I-" Connor began, Abby cut him off with her mouth on his.
"First, take off your shirt, and second, stop thinking so much," she ordered.
Connor nodded and pulled his shirt off; Abby boldly pulled hers off as well. If anything was likely to kick start Connor, the sight of her clad in her black lacy bra was sure to do it. His eyes widened and he swallowed convulsively. She'd worn this little around him before, but with this setting and being a couple now, it made it different somehow. She could see a million thoughts racing through his brain, but he was still frozen in place.
"Connor… I said to stop thinking," Abby chastised gently.
He squeezed his eyes shut, and when he opened them again Abby could see that he only had one thing on his mind now. He brushed his fingers down the side of her cheek, cupped it in his hand and moved to kiss her again. Abby pressed her body to his, desperate to take their explorations of each other farther. He shuddered at the contact, deepening the kiss as his hands roved over the bare skin of her back.
He broke off their kiss breathlessly, and Abby took the opportunity to begin placing wet open-mouthed kisses down his neck and throat. Connor's breathing stuttered as she made her way down to his chest, enjoying the way his muscle jumped and flexed under her touch. He moaned low in his throat, his body trembling. His hands flexed on her back, and then slowly, cautiously, he brushed his fingers over a breast. Abby sighed as Connor's touch grew more confident and bold; she swore he was setting her afire.
He kissed her neck, down her shoulders and her chest, following Abby's encouraging sighs and moans. Abby was awash in love and in pleasure; Connor might have his faults, but a lack attention to detail wasn't one of them. She didn't even react when he unfastened her bra and discarded it so that he could have unrestricted access to her breasts. Abby relaxed into his touch; maybe with Connor it would be okay? She reached down to unfasten his jeans; she wanted to touch him.
Connor was making the most delightful moans and growls; she didn't have much experience with what men liked in this area, but she remembered what a college friend had told her once. She'd said, "As long as you are touching it, they're pretty happy." It had made her laugh, and the tip had stuck with her. Her friend seemed to have the right idea, Connor seemed to be enjoying it.
Abby still had a handful of Connor when he shifted suddenly, rolling her beneath him. His mouth was all over her, but all of the sudden it didn't have the same effect. She tried to find words to tell him to stop, but she hesitated; she didn't want to ruin it. She couldn't think. He was on top of her…she couldn't breathe! He was on top of her and she wanted out! She screamed and brought her knee up between his legs.
"No!" she screamed out again, but she was already free.
Connor had rolled off of her immediately, and was now curled up around himself. Oh god, she'd hurt him. Her heart thudded in her chest. He would hate her. She'd been right; she was too broken to ever make this work between them. Connor would see that now for sure. She took another look at Connor and exited the cave, sweeping her shirt up as she went.
Frustrated, she stared out over the ledge as she pulled her shirt back on. She had to get away and there was no where to go. It was dark out there, and outside of the safety of their fire she would make a tasty treat for the many roving dinosaurs in the area. She headed down the steep trail anyway; she would get as far away as possible while still in the range of their fire. It wasn't far, but she guessed it would have to be far enough.
"Abby!" Connor called out, panic rising in his voice.
He came tearing down the trail, eyes wide in panic. He hadn't even bothered to pull on his shirt. Was he an idiot? He was going to go running after her in the dark, not even dressed? He did have a spear in his hand, so at least he'd had the presence of mind to go armed. Wait… did he think she was that daft to go off alone?
"Here," she said shortly.
"Abby, you can't run off like that!" Connor said, his words sharp and angry although he didn't raise his voice.
His face was shadowed, but she didn't want to see it anyway. She didn't want to see what was written there.
Abby's eyes narrowed, "I'm not stupid, Connor. I'm not going any further."
He nodded, his jaw clenching, "I'll leave you alone then," he replied, his voice tight.
He turned to go and Abby felt tears welling up in her eyes. She let them fall; she'd really mucked up this one. He would never want to touch her again. She didn't blame him for being angry; she'd gone and been the prick tease again. She let herself cry, for once.
Abby wasn't sure how long she had stood outside, but there was a point when her tears had dried up. She wanted to scream out, to rail, to beat the ground in frustration and agony… but what was the point? The tears had stopped, but the crushing weight on her chest wouldn't lift. She waited to go to that place that was hollow and empty, as she always did, but this time it wouldn't come. Sighing, she headed up the trail, feeling that all hope was gone.
She walked silently into the cave, hoping against hope that Connor would be sleeping. She froze to see him curled up on himself, his head pressed to his knees. His shoulders were shaking… was he crying? Why? His head snapped up as she entered the cave, and she confirmed it. He had been crying. She stopped at the entrance, uncertain where to go or what to do.
"I'll move, Abby," Connor said, scrubbing his hands over his face in an attempt to wipe away the tears and give the impression he hadn't been crying.
She'd seen it though, but she didn't understand it. Maybe because he understood now that they couldn't be together? That was the only reason she could think of.
"Yeah, that may be best," she replied, watching him start to shift his sleeping pallet over to the other side of the fire.
It broke her heart, but it was the smart thing to do. Sleeping together would only make it harder. She lay down on her pallet and closed her eyes low enough to watch Connor covertly. He faced the fire, staring into it wide eyed.
"Abby?" Connor said hesitantly, so softly she almost didn't hear it.
"What is it, Connor?" she replied, hoping it came out less harsh than it sounded to her own ears.
"I was stupid. I should have known better than to get on top of you like that… I just got carried away. I'm sorry; I am. I hope you can forgive me," he continued, his heartfelt plea constricting her chest as she heard the raw pain in his words.
"I knew I would ruin it, I'm so stupid… can't do anything right," he said to himself quietly, but she heard it.
Abby was confused. He thought she was angry at him? She drew in a deep breath; this would be hard, but she needed to say it. What if she misread him? What if he really didn't want her anymore? No. He was hurting… she would explain things, no matter how uncomfortable and vulnerable it made her feel.
"Connor… I'm not angry with you at all. I thought you had decided that I wasn't worth the trouble, or you were upset about me hitting you," she explained.
Connor sat up and stared at her, "Really?"
Abby nodded, and he gave he a small smile, although it was a little ragged around the edges.
"Come over here and sleep next to me?" he asked hopefully. "If you still want to," he quickly amended.
Abby felt the weight on her chest finally lift, "Yeah. Yeah, I do."
She lay her head on his chest, and it still felt good, and right. She didn't know how they would get over this, or if they could, but right now all she wanted to do was take comfort in Connor. He still wanted her, after all that. Tonight, when he whispered that he loved her, she said it back. He squeezed her tightly after; she knew he heard her.
TBC
A/N: This one almost stopped where Connor left her outside, but I decided not to cliffhang ya'll
Conn was pretty angry at himself for 'screwing up' his chances with Abby. Silly Abby reads it as him being mad at her. Other people's children, eh? Still, this is another step closer.
Please tell me what you think? Feed the poor muse?
Author: casy_dee
Rating: T
Characters/Pairing: Connor/Abby
Spoiler: Series 3
Warning: Angst
Genre: Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Summary: Abby has secrets in her past, but is it right to keep them there? Can Connor accept it? Set in the Cretaceous...
Part: 9/?
Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5 , Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8
Chapter Nine of Hold My Silence is Behind The Cut
Chapter 9
A/N: Tough, tough, tough writing, this one. I hope ya'll think it was worth the effort, and ya'll enjoy it… and thanks so much to the folks that review and continue to inspire me.
Knee deep in the river, Connor stood stock still with his new fishing tool poised to strike. He'd been making another spear to replace Abby's broken one when inspiration struck him to construct a gaff for fishing. Relying on their water traps for fish was unreliable at best, and spear fishing for them was an exercise in extreme frustration. Connor and Abby would spend hours waiting for the fish to come near enough to strike, and then half the time they would miss them when they did. They still tried for them; fish tasted better and fishing was much safer than hunting.
Connor had grown more adept at hunting as the days wore on, but mammals were few and far between, and although dinosaur was edible, it wasn't good. They hunted as a team these days, but Abby always held the spotter position instead of the hunter. Abby was practical about it; Connor was larger and stronger and stood more of a chance of success, and she was far more knowledgeable about treating any resulting injuries than he was. He hunted, she was the lookout, and she patched him up after. It worked. Besides, it was just Connor. She didn't need to be the tough girl that had to prove she could do anything that he could do… not with him. He knew she was capable; this was just a practical division of labor.
If he had found a better way to fish, their quality of life would be much improved. He'd excitedly described the new fishing implement to her, and then he'd gone to work making one for each of them. Much like hunting, one would watch while the other fished, but it was nice to have their own tools and weapons. Abby's spear had been made lighter and shorter so that it was easier for her to wield effectively, and her knife was made to fit her smaller hand easily. The gaffs were identical, but Connor knew Abby would want her own.
The gaff was a modified spear, essentially. The tip was split crossways into several tines, and then two sticks wedged at the base of the split were bound in an x pattern to keep the tines spread apart. Connor had sharpened the tines to wicked points, and explained that it would work sort of as a trident would. They'd not have to be as accurate, if they got close to the fish they were likely to catch it.
Abby had always known that Connor was intelligent, but little things like this convinced her that he was truly brilliant. She had always known Connor was book smart, and she knew he had an eidetic memory, but unlike many people that were geniuses of his level, he was able to apply his knowledge practically and had a fair share of common sense, as well. Her respect for him was growing daily, and she often wondered why it had taken her so long to realize what a remarkable man he was. She should tell him, she mused. She imagined the resulting delighted smile she'd win, and decided she would.
Abby had insisted that Connor be the first to try out the gaff, although she was a much more accurate fisher than he was. So far, he'd gotten them four fish, and by the tense way he held himself, he'd spotted another. He struck, and grinning, deposited the fish along with the others. At this rate, they would have enough to preserve for later. Connor knew how to smoke it over the fire to dry out the meat; once dried, the meat could last for weeks or even months if stored somewhere cool and dry.
Connor and Abby worked until long after the sun was set to get all of the fish drying over the fire. Connor had speared twelve fish, and then Abby had got eighteen. Tonight, they would have two fish apiece for dinner, and the rest they would preserve. It seemed like a lot of fish to Abby, preserved or not.
"Why so many fish, Connor?" Abby inquired as she worked to slice yet another fish into thin strips of meat suitable for drying.
He shrugged evasively as an answer. Abby's curiosity piqued, she raised an eyebrow and put her hands on her hips. If he answered like that, it meant that he was hiding something.
"What is it?" she asked flatly.
Connor chewed on his lip for a moment before he glanced up at her, "Well…"
Abby let her gaze grow frosty; Connor shrunk under the weight of it, "You won't like it."
"Connor, just say it," Abby insisted, trying to hold on to her temper.
Connor nodded, "Yeah, okay. Well the thing of it is, I think we need to start preparing to stay here on a more permanent basis, in case we can't get home anytime soon."
Abby froze, shaking her head, "No. They'll find us."
Her heart pounded to hear him talk of staying here. No. She couldn't. Something of the panic his words caused must have shown in her face, because Connor's eyes softened the way they always did when he knew she was frightened or hurt.
Connor sighed and nodded, "Of course they will. Abby, I'm not giving up, I promise. I'll keep working on the anomaly opening device and we'll keep looking for anomalies… but we need to live long enough to get home. I'm just trying to make sure that we can."
She swallowed hard and nodded. Yes, he was right. He was staring at her, concern written plainly on his face.
"Yeah, you're right, Conn," she replied brusquely, acting as if she hadn't been on the verge of a breakdown. "Let's get this fish done so we can eat, I'm starving."
She'd always been good at bravado, but she wasn't sure that Connor bought it. She was so afraid they would never get home. He gave her a searching look, his dark eyes serious.
He knelt down next to her, "Alright?"
She nodded, "Fine."
Abby tried to act normal as they finished prepping the fish and settled down to eat dinner. Connor was rambling on, and Abby made the appropriate noises to simulate interest while she thought about what it would mean to be stuck in the Cretaceous long term. At least she had Connor… but what if he were hurt, or killed? Was anyone even looking for them?
After they had eaten and washed up afterwards, Connor sat next to her by the fire. He pulled her close to his body, his arms around her. He was strangely silent… but then, any silence for Connor was strange. He was stroking her arm gently, and Abby closed her eyes and let him comfort her. It felt good… right somehow. It astonished her to realize that going back through all her memories, she couldn't think of anyone ever comforting her like Connor did. She shifted so that she could embrace him and hugged him tightly to her. After a startled second, he returned it.
"You're not okay, are you?" he asked softly.
She buried her head in his neck, his beard scratching her face. She drew in a deep breath, trying to find the words. Connor held her, waiting for her much more patiently than she ever would have been able to wait for him. She shook her head against him, unable to speak past the lump in her throat.
"What is it?" he asked gently; he was always so gentle with her.
"I'm scared," she admitted, her voice smaller than she wanted it to sound.
"Me too, but we'll be okay, yeah?" he whispered, and then pressed a kiss into her hair.
She nodded against his neck, winding her fingers into his hair and pulling him closer. He kissed her cheek, her nose, finally her lips. Abby responded eagerly, turning his sweet comforting kiss into something more. She ran her hands over his chest and shoulders, her fingers clutching the fabric as his mouth moved on hers. She slid her hand under his t-shirt to feel his smooth soft skin under her fingertips. He shivered as she traced her nails up and down his spine.
"Abby, please," he grated, breaking their kiss to rest his forehead against hers.
She had hitched his shirt halfway up his torso, her hands tracing the contours of each deliciously defined muscle.
She paused, staring back at him, "What is it?" she asked.
"You're touching me like that and it's hard…" he blushed bright red as she glanced down at his lap. "Hard to stop," he stammered.
"So don't stop," she whispered.
"Abby? But you said? I don't-" Connor stuttered.
"We'll never know if you keep stopping before we've even begun," Abby insisted, a little impatiently.
"What should I-" Connor began, Abby cut him off with her mouth on his.
"First, take off your shirt, and second, stop thinking so much," she ordered.
Connor nodded and pulled his shirt off; Abby boldly pulled hers off as well. If anything was likely to kick start Connor, the sight of her clad in her black lacy bra was sure to do it. His eyes widened and he swallowed convulsively. She'd worn this little around him before, but with this setting and being a couple now, it made it different somehow. She could see a million thoughts racing through his brain, but he was still frozen in place.
"Connor… I said to stop thinking," Abby chastised gently.
He squeezed his eyes shut, and when he opened them again Abby could see that he only had one thing on his mind now. He brushed his fingers down the side of her cheek, cupped it in his hand and moved to kiss her again. Abby pressed her body to his, desperate to take their explorations of each other farther. He shuddered at the contact, deepening the kiss as his hands roved over the bare skin of her back.
He broke off their kiss breathlessly, and Abby took the opportunity to begin placing wet open-mouthed kisses down his neck and throat. Connor's breathing stuttered as she made her way down to his chest, enjoying the way his muscle jumped and flexed under her touch. He moaned low in his throat, his body trembling. His hands flexed on her back, and then slowly, cautiously, he brushed his fingers over a breast. Abby sighed as Connor's touch grew more confident and bold; she swore he was setting her afire.
He kissed her neck, down her shoulders and her chest, following Abby's encouraging sighs and moans. Abby was awash in love and in pleasure; Connor might have his faults, but a lack attention to detail wasn't one of them. She didn't even react when he unfastened her bra and discarded it so that he could have unrestricted access to her breasts. Abby relaxed into his touch; maybe with Connor it would be okay? She reached down to unfasten his jeans; she wanted to touch him.
Connor was making the most delightful moans and growls; she didn't have much experience with what men liked in this area, but she remembered what a college friend had told her once. She'd said, "As long as you are touching it, they're pretty happy." It had made her laugh, and the tip had stuck with her. Her friend seemed to have the right idea, Connor seemed to be enjoying it.
Abby still had a handful of Connor when he shifted suddenly, rolling her beneath him. His mouth was all over her, but all of the sudden it didn't have the same effect. She tried to find words to tell him to stop, but she hesitated; she didn't want to ruin it. She couldn't think. He was on top of her…she couldn't breathe! He was on top of her and she wanted out! She screamed and brought her knee up between his legs.
"No!" she screamed out again, but she was already free.
Connor had rolled off of her immediately, and was now curled up around himself. Oh god, she'd hurt him. Her heart thudded in her chest. He would hate her. She'd been right; she was too broken to ever make this work between them. Connor would see that now for sure. She took another look at Connor and exited the cave, sweeping her shirt up as she went.
Frustrated, she stared out over the ledge as she pulled her shirt back on. She had to get away and there was no where to go. It was dark out there, and outside of the safety of their fire she would make a tasty treat for the many roving dinosaurs in the area. She headed down the steep trail anyway; she would get as far away as possible while still in the range of their fire. It wasn't far, but she guessed it would have to be far enough.
"Abby!" Connor called out, panic rising in his voice.
He came tearing down the trail, eyes wide in panic. He hadn't even bothered to pull on his shirt. Was he an idiot? He was going to go running after her in the dark, not even dressed? He did have a spear in his hand, so at least he'd had the presence of mind to go armed. Wait… did he think she was that daft to go off alone?
"Here," she said shortly.
"Abby, you can't run off like that!" Connor said, his words sharp and angry although he didn't raise his voice.
His face was shadowed, but she didn't want to see it anyway. She didn't want to see what was written there.
Abby's eyes narrowed, "I'm not stupid, Connor. I'm not going any further."
He nodded, his jaw clenching, "I'll leave you alone then," he replied, his voice tight.
He turned to go and Abby felt tears welling up in her eyes. She let them fall; she'd really mucked up this one. He would never want to touch her again. She didn't blame him for being angry; she'd gone and been the prick tease again. She let herself cry, for once.
Abby wasn't sure how long she had stood outside, but there was a point when her tears had dried up. She wanted to scream out, to rail, to beat the ground in frustration and agony… but what was the point? The tears had stopped, but the crushing weight on her chest wouldn't lift. She waited to go to that place that was hollow and empty, as she always did, but this time it wouldn't come. Sighing, she headed up the trail, feeling that all hope was gone.
She walked silently into the cave, hoping against hope that Connor would be sleeping. She froze to see him curled up on himself, his head pressed to his knees. His shoulders were shaking… was he crying? Why? His head snapped up as she entered the cave, and she confirmed it. He had been crying. She stopped at the entrance, uncertain where to go or what to do.
"I'll move, Abby," Connor said, scrubbing his hands over his face in an attempt to wipe away the tears and give the impression he hadn't been crying.
She'd seen it though, but she didn't understand it. Maybe because he understood now that they couldn't be together? That was the only reason she could think of.
"Yeah, that may be best," she replied, watching him start to shift his sleeping pallet over to the other side of the fire.
It broke her heart, but it was the smart thing to do. Sleeping together would only make it harder. She lay down on her pallet and closed her eyes low enough to watch Connor covertly. He faced the fire, staring into it wide eyed.
"Abby?" Connor said hesitantly, so softly she almost didn't hear it.
"What is it, Connor?" she replied, hoping it came out less harsh than it sounded to her own ears.
"I was stupid. I should have known better than to get on top of you like that… I just got carried away. I'm sorry; I am. I hope you can forgive me," he continued, his heartfelt plea constricting her chest as she heard the raw pain in his words.
"I knew I would ruin it, I'm so stupid… can't do anything right," he said to himself quietly, but she heard it.
Abby was confused. He thought she was angry at him? She drew in a deep breath; this would be hard, but she needed to say it. What if she misread him? What if he really didn't want her anymore? No. He was hurting… she would explain things, no matter how uncomfortable and vulnerable it made her feel.
"Connor… I'm not angry with you at all. I thought you had decided that I wasn't worth the trouble, or you were upset about me hitting you," she explained.
Connor sat up and stared at her, "Really?"
Abby nodded, and he gave he a small smile, although it was a little ragged around the edges.
"Come over here and sleep next to me?" he asked hopefully. "If you still want to," he quickly amended.
Abby felt the weight on her chest finally lift, "Yeah. Yeah, I do."
She lay her head on his chest, and it still felt good, and right. She didn't know how they would get over this, or if they could, but right now all she wanted to do was take comfort in Connor. He still wanted her, after all that. Tonight, when he whispered that he loved her, she said it back. He squeezed her tightly after; she knew he heard her.
TBC
A/N: This one almost stopped where Connor left her outside, but I decided not to cliffhang ya'll
Conn was pretty angry at himself for 'screwing up' his chances with Abby. Silly Abby reads it as him being mad at her. Other people's children, eh? Still, this is another step closer.
Please tell me what you think? Feed the poor muse?