[Fic] All That I Am - 9/12
Title: All That I Am
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: R
Pairing: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Genre: AU, Romance
Summary: To find a date that Kyuhyun can stomach is impossible - unless they hire one to pretend. But not even the perfect companion can stop years worth of threats, or keep their acting from becoming all too real.
***
Chapter One * Chapter Two * Chapter Three * Chapter Four * Chapter Five * Chapter Six * Chapter Seven * Chapter Eight * Chapter Nine * Chapter Ten
***
Kyuhyun’s eyes flashed behind the mask, dark, distracting. A sort of tease there that made him want to lift away the mask, see the expression underneath. Kyuhyun’s eyes fascinated him, dark lashed and so often unreadable. But beautiful, and when they lit with laughter, for him, it was most captivating thing he’d ever seen. Having part of that obscured by the mask didn’t help him wanting to look.
The length of Kyuhyun’s arm in the dark sleeve, the flash of his own cufflinks, pulling him through the crowd, pulling him close, as though they were going to dance, and pushing him away. Teasing. Always teasing.
As Kyuhyun’s fingers slipped from his, warmth leaving him.
“Kyu-”
He scrambled to follow as Kyuhyun darted away. Losing him among people who didn’t move, wouldn’t let him through.
And the lights went out.
A dark, oppressive blackness, only pinpricks of light, people brushing past him, shoving him around, grabbing at him. The letters, letters he’d never seen, flashed through his mind. Threats against Kyuhyun, words and pictures that spun out like knives in the dark. The slashed tires. What if…
What if someone was there in the dark? Looking for Kyuhyun, threatening… Not just a tire, but-
“Kyuhyun!” he shouted, spinning, shoving in the madness. “Kyuhyun, answer me!”
He heard a laugh, and rushed blindly toward it.
People started shoving harder, and he stumbled, grabbing for something, anything.
“Kui Xian!”
The sound of his own voice woke him, jerking half up before relaxing back, feeling his heart pumping. And that was when he did reach out, feeling blind again, bringing his arm down hard on Kyuhyun’s side.
Kyuhyun woke with a grunt, closer to him than Zhou Mi had realized.
“Wuh? My alarm?”
“No, sorry. Was dreaming. You can sleep.”
“Mmk,” Kyuhyun murmured.
He felt Kyuhyun’s sleepy chuckle as Zhou Mi kissed his cheek. He stroked Kyuhyun’s hair, feeling him sink back into sleep. The dream disturbed him. Too close to everything. Imagining what was in those letters was plaguing him, knowing someone had damaged Kyuhyun’s car. Wondering why, and what would happen next. And those pictures. He tried to think back to that day. Had he been too wrapped up in Kyuhyun to notice someone taking pictures of them? Or had the person had a lens far enough away that Zhou Mi wouldn’t have noticed? It was too much, was the problem. He’d given up all his objectivity where Kyuhyun was concerned. No one made a good guard that way. Not that he was guarding Kyuhyun, but that didn’t mean he didn’t worry. And he’d do what he had to in order to keep Kyuhyun safe.
He woke most of the way on his stomach, Kyuhyun’s face all up against his shoulder. It took little effort to nestle in, breathing in Kyuhyun’s hair. At least one of them had slept well, and close, very close to each other. He hoped that it preceded many mornings, just like that.
***
Kyuhyun woke, warm, Zhou Mi’s face sort of half smiling and half asleep which was a cute combination. And they were pressed together in the middle of the bed as if it were four feet smaller than it was. It wasn’t the first time, so he couldn’t say it was just because of the night before. There was something about being near Zhou Mi, or even looking at him, that was slightly calming. Maybe it was the thought of Zhou Mi’s arms going around him, or the tilt of his lips, or the knowing look he got in his eyes. It was like the man had some kind of happy pheromone that he gave out.
He patted Zhou Mi’s butt through his pajama pants. “You busy today?” he asked, and waited until Zhou Mi had answered in a negative. “Technically I’m not going into work. But I am working. Going out to the harbor just to do one of my usual rounds. You could come along, if you wanted.”
Zhou Mi’s head came up far enough for him to get both eyes open. “Yes! I’d like that. Getting to see the ships?”
“Yeah, we’ll probably inspect one just for so. We’ll have to get up and get going, though, since we’re driving.”
Zhou Mi railroaded him out of bed, and he laughed, wandering after Zhou Mi into the closet.
“What do I wear?” Zhou Mi wondered, staring at all the clothes in front of him.
“As long as you don’t freeze your butt off, anything,” he said, choosing slacks and a more casual shirt than the office required for himself.
“Yeah, but I want to make them think you found a catch.”
“You’re not going to catch the shower if you don’t hurry up.”
They were good, reluctantly, taking turns in the shower, and he swore he only looked half the time as he brushed his teeth and dressed himself. Even breakfast was quick, since he wanted to get on the road.
“Who’s driving?” Zhou Mi asked as they shut the door to the house and made their way to the car. The car Zhou Mi had been using, because he didn’t want to take the chance that his own had been tampered with.
“It’s your car,” Kyuhyun said with a smirk, climbing into the passenger’s seat.
It wasn’t that the trip was especially long, just that he had a lot of things to see to when he got there. And Zhou Mi drove well, getting them there quickly with a few directions. Getting the ship inspection done with so that they could tour the harbor a little. It was clear Zhou Mi had never been, quietly oohing and ahhing over every big ship and tanker, to Kyuhyun’s endless amusement. And looking so sharp in his black shirt and pants, following along after Kyuhyun like a faithful dog, even as they ate a simple lunch and prepared for a meeting with his harbor staff. Zhou Mi sat out of it, free to watch the ships come and go, what he could of them, or see the rose bushes that decorated the outside of the little office.
It was late afternoon by the time he was finished, and he felt it. Zhou Mi looking up from the magazine he’d been reading, and standing. They made their goodbyes, walking into the garden-type space, with a clear view of the docks.
“My father brought me here when I was a little child,” Kyuhyun said. “Maybe to circumvent the idea that I wanted to do anything else. Show me the big ships, get me excited. Of course, he didn’t start with ships. Not this big anyway. And when he got there, he didn’t stay only with ships.”
“Which is why you’re so busy.”
“Exactly,” Kyuhyun laughed.
He felt Zhou Mi’s arms come around him, chin propped on his shoulder. He felt restful, willing to stand there that way until the ornamental sand just eroded under them. At least until Zhou Mi nuzzled in, kissing his neck. And it set him on a different course of want entirely. He let his head fall back, getting his mouth as close to Zhou Mi’s ear as he could.
“We could get a hotel here,” he murmured.
Zhou Mi laughed, so free as he rocked them back and forth. “But we’d have to get up so early for you to get to work in the morning!”
“So much for spontaneity,” he groused, mocking.
“If I promise to be spontaneous when we get home?”
Home. Bed. Lube.
“That means I’ll race you to the car,” Kyuhyun informed him.
And he wasn’t joking either, breaking free of Zhou Mi’s hold with a well timed pinch and laughing as he ran, Zhou Mi shouting insults about cheating as he scrambled to catch up. The ride home was too long, but they sang along with the radio, Zhou Mi imitating some of the female singers in way that had him in stitches. Not thinking about what they were going home with the intention to do. Much.
***
They kissed all the way into the house, bumping against furniture and door frames. It wasn’t like they were in some kind of rush, enjoying the mating of lips, tasting, flickering. Equal parts bold and giving, never knowing what the next kiss was going to bring. Would there be a tease in those eyes? Or need. Zhou Mi thought need.
Kyuhyun would have tugged them all the way to the bed, except for Zhou Mi stopping him. He wanted that, just a little more of it, holding Kyuhyun against him fully. The give of another body, solid and warm, warmer as Kyuhyun’s jacket slid to the floor. Moaning as, finally stable, they got their arms around each other. The rub of thigh to thigh, Kyuhyun’s fingers on his neck, in his hair, as their lips parted together. There was care in that, a keening need so profound that it ached in him. To hear his name from those lips, to feel that smile curve against his skin.
But it was no innocent dance. The bump of their hips together, subtle rubs and the little arcs that made lust glisten in his eyes. And they were crafty. A jacket, a shirt. A button, a zipper, a waistband. There were no pretty words for their nakedness, only that the feeling of each other’s skin was delicious. If his skin had had taste buds, he would have eaten Kyuhyun whole. There was nothing between them, not even a pair of socks as they tumbled after each other into the bed. And he was sure that Kyuhyun was leaving as many marks on his neck as he could see blooming on the pale skin in front of him.
“You’re fired if you’re not inside of me within a minute,” Kyuhyun panted, having all but dismantled his bedside table to shove a bottle of lube into Zhou Mi’s hands.
“You can’t fire me because of sex, Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi laughed. “Unless you think you won’t like it?”
“Too much talk.”
“Don’t rush,” Zhou Mi admonished. And though his hands were busy, his mouth on Kyuhyun’s was soft. Not that he didn’t want to repeat this, but he wanted to remember everything. Every touch that made Kyuhyun moan for him, every restless touch of their legs together, the desperate way Kyuhyun urged him with his hands, with kisses. The skin of his stomach, his thighs, beneath his hand.
“Zhou Mi.”
His name from Kyuhyun was enough of a plea, and he did what Kyuhyun had implored him, kissing him while urging his hips. Though Kyuhyun reached to still his stroking hand in order to concentrate, just a little pout tugging at his lips.
“Just do what feels right,” Zhou Mi murmured against his mouth, and joined them.
Nothing they’d done up to that moment, not their fooling around or their kissing, compared to that moment. Kyuhyun’s eyes huge and fixed on his, knowing just what they were doing. Together. And with a sexy little sound, Kyuhyun’s eyes drifted closed, urging Zhou Mi to move.
It was inevitable motion like waves onto sand. Maybe Kyuhyun was the moon, maybe he was trying to be, hands and legs and mouth teasing and satisfying both. He wanted everything, every bit of lust between them, every inch of skin. And this was for no part of the job. He pretended to live, be with Kyuhyun, because he had to. But when he kissed him, made love to him, it was real. But no longer frighteningly so, because Kyuhyun gave back everything, wanted and needed, and best of all, demanded.
All the barriers between them, physically, fell like stones. All he had to do was hold on as Kyuhyun bucked beneath him, skin hot and damp, babbling meaningless things into Zhou Mi’s ear. His thoughts simultaneously ran with Yesss, and He is everything I’ve ever wanted. And sometime he didn’t even know why, but right then it couldn’t have been more obvious. And not the fact that his mind blanked moments later, the knowledge, the feeling, too much. All he felt and saw corresponded to the name that left his lips, “Kui Xian…” Over and over, until the syllables ran into each other, shuddering like his body was, like the stroking hands along his back were making him.
He was still set to bliss when Kyuhyun gave a pleased laugh and jostled him. “Good to know that was worth waiting for.”
Only you, he’d sworn to Kyuhyun. Had it only been a week ago? He smiled against Kyuhyun’s mouth. The sentiment hadn’t been returned in words. But they hadn’t been the same since that night, the crumbling of Kyuhyun who stroked his hair and allowed him to… It was as though there was something evolving between them, some want they couldn’t put into words. But the happy gleam in Kyuhyun’s eye, and the want to put it there, he knew very well. It wasn’t anything else but love.
***
It wasn’t like Kyuhyun had turned off his sexuality just because he hadn’t dated anyone he was attracted to. It certainly wasn’t that his need for sex had somehow disappeared. He had, he thought, done a fine job of taking care of his needs by himself. It wasn’t like he was some kind of monk. But there was something to be said for a little outside participation. He smiled at where Zhou Mi was passed out next to him, a couple of his knuckles pulling his bottom lip out of alignment. He didn’t even know how a man like this, who was charming, engaging, would waste his time on Kyuhyun in a normal situation. The way Zhou Mi looked at him, the way Zhou Mi treated him, felt so real. But he didn’t have a gauge to judge it by. But maybe even someone second rate would look appealing if it meant guaranteeing a paycheck. And Kyuhyun had demanded monogamy from him, so there weren’t any real options for Zhou Mi.
And who had made the first move? The kissing had been mutual. The grinding they had done in that hallway, he didn’t think he’d started it. But when Kyuhyun had teased Zhou Mi, Zhou Mi had responded. But too quickly? Should he have questioned it? He’d been too in lust to do so.
Zhou Mi was starting to come awake, and he waited to see what he would do. A warm mouth meeting his shoulder, Zhou Mi’s sleep-filled voice murmuring, “Kui Xian.”
Emotion tightened his throat to where he could barely swallow. He wanted it to be real so fucking badly. Someone to talk to, hold, spend time with. He held still as Zhou Mi moved his warm limbs and torso against him, a clinging monkey of a man.
“Are you showering before you go to work?” Zhou Mi murmured, against his cheek.
“I need to, or no one could stand to be in the same room with me.”
Getting out of bed to go shower off hadn’t exactly been high on his priority list the night before. Zhou Mi chuckled, stroking his hip.
“If you get up to shower now, is there time for me to shower with you?”
“You mean you didn’t get enough of me last night?” he prodded.
Zhou Mi’s eyes opened. “I don’t think that’s possible.”
As it turned out, he didn’t have much time. But spending an extra fifteen minutes in the shower hadn’t put him far behind, and had gotten his day off to a rather nice start, seeing as how both Zhou Mi’s kiss and jerking fist had been well worth the effort. And Kyuhyun’d gotten a kiss before he got his shoes on for his effort.
“It’s going to be crazy the next few days getting ready for the first day of the conference, and the speech I have to give, so I’m sorry if I won’t be around much.”
“Don’t worry,” Zhou Mi told him, smiling. “Just let me know, and I’ll make sure to have food waiting.”
Okay, so he’d gotten a kiss right after that, too, but that was only because Zhou Mi was so tall that he could lean into the entryway and demand one. And maybe it’d gone on a few seconds longer than it should’ve. But it had at least helped to move some of the worries from the front of his brain.
***
And he had not been lying. The next few days for him had been insane. Finalizing his speech, double checking things. Eeteuk had been more or less responsible for oversight on making sure conference rooms were prepped, that everyone from out of town had places to stay. He even managed to push the seemingly now daily letters out of his head, focusing on work, and then on going home and passing out beside Zhou Mi. Who, even though he knew Kyuhyun was too tired to get up to much, still scooted close under the covers. He woke every morning with some part of them touching, like he had curled close to Zhou Mi for comfort during the night.
He got at least five hours of sleep, and that due to Zhou Mi, the night before his speech. Everyone would gather for a special kickoff luncheon at which he was the only speaker. A welcome. Setting the tone. There would be trade agreements, mergers, company organization, done over the next week. Meetings that would fry brains and excite them. It was the first one he had planned, overseen, on his own. He had stood beside his father, but this one was his. And he was inordinately proud and worried about it.
“Today’s the speech?” Zhou Mi confirmed, bustling after him that morning like a shepherd. He’d told Zhou Mi he could just stay in bed, but he was being dutifully padded after by a man in pajamas that had crescent moons on them, and fuzzy slippers.
“At noon,” he said, checking his briefcase and making sure he had his cell phone. “Hopefully I have time to eat a little before I get up to talk.”
“Is it just for business people, or do others go? Um. Spouses, or…?”
“Not many of them brought their spouses.” Though, he had a thought, looking at Zhou Mi thoughtfully. “My mom used to go when my dad was presenting, though, as support.”
“Oh.” Zhou Mi’s face reflected his racing thoughts. “Would you mind…Would it bother you if I came? You wouldn’t even have to feed me!”
He hadn’t even really let himself consider it, but when Zhou Mi asked about it, he wondered that he didn’t just drag Zhou Mi to the car with him right there. It mattered to him more than he could say that Zhou Mi might want to be there for him. Not for anyone else. Just him. He thought about it a moment, whether having Zhou Mi there would make him more nervous or not. He didn’t think so, honestly. Having Zhou Mi sitting there might even calm him down.
“It wouldn’t bother me. And we have extra food, so I wouldn’t let you sit there looking stupid. It’s up to you. You’d just need to be there at least 15 minutes early so Eeteuk could seat you. I just don’t know why you’d want to go, since it’ll be boring for you.”
“I want to be there,” Zhou Mi insisted, laying his hands on Kyuhyun’s lapels. “You’ve been preparing really hard for this, so I want to show my support. If you want me there.”
“Sure. You’re picking your own poison, then.”
Zhou Mi caught him in a bone-popping hug, kissing him hard. “If I don’t get to tell you before, good luck.”
He grinned, picking up his briefcase. “I’ll see you later, then.”
And Zhou Mi was the first person he saw, when he went into the conference room to begin the kickoff. Lips curving as their eyes met briefly and he focused on getting set up at the podium. He looked up, made eye contact with businessmen from his company and others. Investors. People would had both shaped and would shape the future of the company and the industry itself.
“My name is Cho Kyuhyun,” he said, “And Cho Shipping and Transport welcomes you. I want to thank all of you for attending…”
It was his element. He knew the speech backward and forward, making his points, his arguments. Asking questions and getting responses. He didn’t look to Zhou Mi often, barely at all, but it was because he wanted to keep his focus. He was glad to know that if he had, Zhou Mi would’ve been watching him intently, encouraging him with his eyes alone.
The applause echoed through the conference room and he saw Zhou Mi go from watching him with a soft smile to applauding as well. Even as he said his thanks, he made his way around, intending to start shaking people’s hands and welcoming them personally. But he stopped at Zhou Mi’s chair, turning him. He didn’t really know how to express his gratitude, and all he had was a smile. But he kissed Zhou Mi there, in front of everyone. Quick, but still getting a few whoops as he patted Zhou Mi’s shoulder and moved on. No matter what idle threats he got, there were things he wanted to be more secure on between him and Zhou Mi. If he told Zhou Mi he was fired, but that he wanted him to be his lover for real? That reaction would tell him everything. Maybe not that day. But soon.
***
Zhou Mi sighed as he muscled a small table in through their bedroom door. He had sought it out almost as soon as he got home from watching Kyuhyun give his speech. Seeing Kyuhyun up there, so confident. A few bobbles, as every speech had. But all in all, he was every bit the person who was confident in his place. It was ridiculously sexy. But it also was just another facet of the Kyuhyun he held in his mind. Charming, a little sharp at times. Smart, caring. A generous lover. Selfish with his free time, but for good reason when he had so little of it. Warm to hold in bed, and that was an important one. Kyuhyun snuggled to him in the night far more than he did to Kyuhyun, and he… He loved that. That Kyuhyun reached for him, needed him. Wanting him at the speech to see him, looking at Zhou Mi with such triumph and pride, as though to say, Did you see? And he had. Looking at Zhou Mi first. To Zhou Mi. Kyuhyun could have looked anywhere, but he hadn’t. And when he thought of that, it made his eyes sting. Because that was no act from the man who had stood at that podium with steady hands, and voice.
And that smile and kiss had cemented every thought he had about changing their relationship from employment to something else. Maybe he should’ve played it safe and waited till the conference week was over, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t think it was a risk so much as a chance to thrill them both. Maybe a little shuffling internally, but the foundation was already there. The difference was that what Zhou Mi did for Kyuhyun after, Kyuhyun would know it was done because Zhou Mi wanted to do it. For Kyuhyun himself, with no contract or money between them.
He had bought the best bottle of champagne that he could find on the way home, got it chilling. He waited as long as he dared, leaving the house at the same time he knew that day’s conference meetings were scheduled to end. It hadn’t taking much investigation to find out Kyuhyun’s favorite restaurant, what he liked to eat there. And that they sometimes made it to-go for Kyuhyun, since he was so busy. He figured he could keep the food warm until Kyuhyun got home, if he was a little later. And they could eat at the table he’d set up in their bedroom. A small, intimate dinner. Kyuhyun, what would you think about dating me for real? Without a contract? Because I want that with you. He’d gone over a thousand ways to say it. And knowing his mouth it’d probably come out wrong and he’d have to explain, but as long as Kyuhyun laughed at his stupidness instead of any other reaction. And they could take that champagne to bed. Okay, so his mental movie was a little sappier than the reality he expected, but reality was just fine for him as well.
He blew out a breath, seeing Kyuhyun’s car was already there. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. The food would be hot that way, and they could dive right into it without Zhou Mi having to pace waiting for Kyuhyun to get home and racing to heat things up.
The door was open from the garage. He pursed his lips, wondering who was going to get in trouble for that. Kyuhyun liked the door closed, for cleanliness and to keep out insects. On that front Zhou Mi really couldn’t say he disagreed. Just another way they complimented each other. He stepped inside, seeing Kyuhyun’s shoes and smiling. Even though he was at home, he’d be in the library and not in the living room so Zhou Mi could sneak the food into the bedroom and then drag Kyuhyun away from his computer. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. He was mentally patting himself on the back and removing his shoes when he saw the cell phone on the ground. The spidery lines that crossed the screen spoke of a hard impact. Being dropped. And it was Kyuhyun’s phone. Had he broken it, angry? Had the afternoon not gone well? The smear, droplets of red beyond it made him worry on a different front. Wondering if Kyuhyun had cut his hand on the phone.
That was when he heard the moan, and the food fell from his hand as he ran forward. He helped the maid sit up, saw the wound on her face.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Did you fall?”
“There was a man,” she choked out, making his heart stop. “I answered the door and he shoved inside. He asked where Mr. Cho was, and hit me. Oh. Mr. Cho will be home soon! He’ll be so upset! Was anything taken? Oh no…”
Zhou Mi stood with frozen muscles. Mr. Cho was already at home. His car. His shoes. His cell phone.
His blood.
“Kyuhyun!” It came out as more of a bellow. He turned to the frightened maid, pressing his cell phone into her hand. “Call the police.”
He didn’t have to grope through the dark to look this time, racing for their bedroom. If Kyuhyun had cut himself, maybe he’d come to patch himself up. Empty. Closet, empty. Library, kitchen, gym, empty. He even checked the pool in some sick need to know.
“They’re on their way, sir,” she told him as he loped back into the living area. “That’s Mr. Cho’s phone that’s broken? Did he come home while the burglar was still here?”
“I don’t know,” he said, staring, looking for anything that would help him. Kyuhyun wouldn’t have left without his car. Were there security cameras outside? Inside?
Even the maid wasn’t sure, so he had her call whoever oversaw Kyuhyun’s security. They would know. If Kyuhyun had surprised a burglar, perhaps they were looking for a bigger payout. Ransom? He wasn’t even sure.
The maid was trembling when she hung up, and he felt terrible, ordering her around. She could have a concussion or worse. On his way to get her a drink of water as they waited for the police, he stopped, the cold seeming to overtake him.
On the table he’d eaten so many breakfasts and dinners across from Kyuhyun at, was a single, cream-colored envelope with Kyuhyun’s name across the front.
***
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: R
Pairing: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Genre: AU, Romance
Summary: To find a date that Kyuhyun can stomach is impossible - unless they hire one to pretend. But not even the perfect companion can stop years worth of threats, or keep their acting from becoming all too real.
***
Chapter One * Chapter Two * Chapter Three * Chapter Four * Chapter Five * Chapter Six * Chapter Seven * Chapter Eight * Chapter Nine * Chapter Ten
***
Kyuhyun’s eyes flashed behind the mask, dark, distracting. A sort of tease there that made him want to lift away the mask, see the expression underneath. Kyuhyun’s eyes fascinated him, dark lashed and so often unreadable. But beautiful, and when they lit with laughter, for him, it was most captivating thing he’d ever seen. Having part of that obscured by the mask didn’t help him wanting to look.
The length of Kyuhyun’s arm in the dark sleeve, the flash of his own cufflinks, pulling him through the crowd, pulling him close, as though they were going to dance, and pushing him away. Teasing. Always teasing.
As Kyuhyun’s fingers slipped from his, warmth leaving him.
“Kyu-”
He scrambled to follow as Kyuhyun darted away. Losing him among people who didn’t move, wouldn’t let him through.
And the lights went out.
A dark, oppressive blackness, only pinpricks of light, people brushing past him, shoving him around, grabbing at him. The letters, letters he’d never seen, flashed through his mind. Threats against Kyuhyun, words and pictures that spun out like knives in the dark. The slashed tires. What if…
What if someone was there in the dark? Looking for Kyuhyun, threatening… Not just a tire, but-
“Kyuhyun!” he shouted, spinning, shoving in the madness. “Kyuhyun, answer me!”
He heard a laugh, and rushed blindly toward it.
People started shoving harder, and he stumbled, grabbing for something, anything.
“Kui Xian!”
The sound of his own voice woke him, jerking half up before relaxing back, feeling his heart pumping. And that was when he did reach out, feeling blind again, bringing his arm down hard on Kyuhyun’s side.
Kyuhyun woke with a grunt, closer to him than Zhou Mi had realized.
“Wuh? My alarm?”
“No, sorry. Was dreaming. You can sleep.”
“Mmk,” Kyuhyun murmured.
He felt Kyuhyun’s sleepy chuckle as Zhou Mi kissed his cheek. He stroked Kyuhyun’s hair, feeling him sink back into sleep. The dream disturbed him. Too close to everything. Imagining what was in those letters was plaguing him, knowing someone had damaged Kyuhyun’s car. Wondering why, and what would happen next. And those pictures. He tried to think back to that day. Had he been too wrapped up in Kyuhyun to notice someone taking pictures of them? Or had the person had a lens far enough away that Zhou Mi wouldn’t have noticed? It was too much, was the problem. He’d given up all his objectivity where Kyuhyun was concerned. No one made a good guard that way. Not that he was guarding Kyuhyun, but that didn’t mean he didn’t worry. And he’d do what he had to in order to keep Kyuhyun safe.
He woke most of the way on his stomach, Kyuhyun’s face all up against his shoulder. It took little effort to nestle in, breathing in Kyuhyun’s hair. At least one of them had slept well, and close, very close to each other. He hoped that it preceded many mornings, just like that.
***
Kyuhyun woke, warm, Zhou Mi’s face sort of half smiling and half asleep which was a cute combination. And they were pressed together in the middle of the bed as if it were four feet smaller than it was. It wasn’t the first time, so he couldn’t say it was just because of the night before. There was something about being near Zhou Mi, or even looking at him, that was slightly calming. Maybe it was the thought of Zhou Mi’s arms going around him, or the tilt of his lips, or the knowing look he got in his eyes. It was like the man had some kind of happy pheromone that he gave out.
He patted Zhou Mi’s butt through his pajama pants. “You busy today?” he asked, and waited until Zhou Mi had answered in a negative. “Technically I’m not going into work. But I am working. Going out to the harbor just to do one of my usual rounds. You could come along, if you wanted.”
Zhou Mi’s head came up far enough for him to get both eyes open. “Yes! I’d like that. Getting to see the ships?”
“Yeah, we’ll probably inspect one just for so. We’ll have to get up and get going, though, since we’re driving.”
Zhou Mi railroaded him out of bed, and he laughed, wandering after Zhou Mi into the closet.
“What do I wear?” Zhou Mi wondered, staring at all the clothes in front of him.
“As long as you don’t freeze your butt off, anything,” he said, choosing slacks and a more casual shirt than the office required for himself.
“Yeah, but I want to make them think you found a catch.”
“You’re not going to catch the shower if you don’t hurry up.”
They were good, reluctantly, taking turns in the shower, and he swore he only looked half the time as he brushed his teeth and dressed himself. Even breakfast was quick, since he wanted to get on the road.
“Who’s driving?” Zhou Mi asked as they shut the door to the house and made their way to the car. The car Zhou Mi had been using, because he didn’t want to take the chance that his own had been tampered with.
“It’s your car,” Kyuhyun said with a smirk, climbing into the passenger’s seat.
It wasn’t that the trip was especially long, just that he had a lot of things to see to when he got there. And Zhou Mi drove well, getting them there quickly with a few directions. Getting the ship inspection done with so that they could tour the harbor a little. It was clear Zhou Mi had never been, quietly oohing and ahhing over every big ship and tanker, to Kyuhyun’s endless amusement. And looking so sharp in his black shirt and pants, following along after Kyuhyun like a faithful dog, even as they ate a simple lunch and prepared for a meeting with his harbor staff. Zhou Mi sat out of it, free to watch the ships come and go, what he could of them, or see the rose bushes that decorated the outside of the little office.
It was late afternoon by the time he was finished, and he felt it. Zhou Mi looking up from the magazine he’d been reading, and standing. They made their goodbyes, walking into the garden-type space, with a clear view of the docks.
“My father brought me here when I was a little child,” Kyuhyun said. “Maybe to circumvent the idea that I wanted to do anything else. Show me the big ships, get me excited. Of course, he didn’t start with ships. Not this big anyway. And when he got there, he didn’t stay only with ships.”
“Which is why you’re so busy.”
“Exactly,” Kyuhyun laughed.
He felt Zhou Mi’s arms come around him, chin propped on his shoulder. He felt restful, willing to stand there that way until the ornamental sand just eroded under them. At least until Zhou Mi nuzzled in, kissing his neck. And it set him on a different course of want entirely. He let his head fall back, getting his mouth as close to Zhou Mi’s ear as he could.
“We could get a hotel here,” he murmured.
Zhou Mi laughed, so free as he rocked them back and forth. “But we’d have to get up so early for you to get to work in the morning!”
“So much for spontaneity,” he groused, mocking.
“If I promise to be spontaneous when we get home?”
Home. Bed. Lube.
“That means I’ll race you to the car,” Kyuhyun informed him.
And he wasn’t joking either, breaking free of Zhou Mi’s hold with a well timed pinch and laughing as he ran, Zhou Mi shouting insults about cheating as he scrambled to catch up. The ride home was too long, but they sang along with the radio, Zhou Mi imitating some of the female singers in way that had him in stitches. Not thinking about what they were going home with the intention to do. Much.
***
They kissed all the way into the house, bumping against furniture and door frames. It wasn’t like they were in some kind of rush, enjoying the mating of lips, tasting, flickering. Equal parts bold and giving, never knowing what the next kiss was going to bring. Would there be a tease in those eyes? Or need. Zhou Mi thought need.
Kyuhyun would have tugged them all the way to the bed, except for Zhou Mi stopping him. He wanted that, just a little more of it, holding Kyuhyun against him fully. The give of another body, solid and warm, warmer as Kyuhyun’s jacket slid to the floor. Moaning as, finally stable, they got their arms around each other. The rub of thigh to thigh, Kyuhyun’s fingers on his neck, in his hair, as their lips parted together. There was care in that, a keening need so profound that it ached in him. To hear his name from those lips, to feel that smile curve against his skin.
But it was no innocent dance. The bump of their hips together, subtle rubs and the little arcs that made lust glisten in his eyes. And they were crafty. A jacket, a shirt. A button, a zipper, a waistband. There were no pretty words for their nakedness, only that the feeling of each other’s skin was delicious. If his skin had had taste buds, he would have eaten Kyuhyun whole. There was nothing between them, not even a pair of socks as they tumbled after each other into the bed. And he was sure that Kyuhyun was leaving as many marks on his neck as he could see blooming on the pale skin in front of him.
“You’re fired if you’re not inside of me within a minute,” Kyuhyun panted, having all but dismantled his bedside table to shove a bottle of lube into Zhou Mi’s hands.
“You can’t fire me because of sex, Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi laughed. “Unless you think you won’t like it?”
“Too much talk.”
“Don’t rush,” Zhou Mi admonished. And though his hands were busy, his mouth on Kyuhyun’s was soft. Not that he didn’t want to repeat this, but he wanted to remember everything. Every touch that made Kyuhyun moan for him, every restless touch of their legs together, the desperate way Kyuhyun urged him with his hands, with kisses. The skin of his stomach, his thighs, beneath his hand.
“Zhou Mi.”
His name from Kyuhyun was enough of a plea, and he did what Kyuhyun had implored him, kissing him while urging his hips. Though Kyuhyun reached to still his stroking hand in order to concentrate, just a little pout tugging at his lips.
“Just do what feels right,” Zhou Mi murmured against his mouth, and joined them.
Nothing they’d done up to that moment, not their fooling around or their kissing, compared to that moment. Kyuhyun’s eyes huge and fixed on his, knowing just what they were doing. Together. And with a sexy little sound, Kyuhyun’s eyes drifted closed, urging Zhou Mi to move.
It was inevitable motion like waves onto sand. Maybe Kyuhyun was the moon, maybe he was trying to be, hands and legs and mouth teasing and satisfying both. He wanted everything, every bit of lust between them, every inch of skin. And this was for no part of the job. He pretended to live, be with Kyuhyun, because he had to. But when he kissed him, made love to him, it was real. But no longer frighteningly so, because Kyuhyun gave back everything, wanted and needed, and best of all, demanded.
All the barriers between them, physically, fell like stones. All he had to do was hold on as Kyuhyun bucked beneath him, skin hot and damp, babbling meaningless things into Zhou Mi’s ear. His thoughts simultaneously ran with Yesss, and He is everything I’ve ever wanted. And sometime he didn’t even know why, but right then it couldn’t have been more obvious. And not the fact that his mind blanked moments later, the knowledge, the feeling, too much. All he felt and saw corresponded to the name that left his lips, “Kui Xian…” Over and over, until the syllables ran into each other, shuddering like his body was, like the stroking hands along his back were making him.
He was still set to bliss when Kyuhyun gave a pleased laugh and jostled him. “Good to know that was worth waiting for.”
Only you, he’d sworn to Kyuhyun. Had it only been a week ago? He smiled against Kyuhyun’s mouth. The sentiment hadn’t been returned in words. But they hadn’t been the same since that night, the crumbling of Kyuhyun who stroked his hair and allowed him to… It was as though there was something evolving between them, some want they couldn’t put into words. But the happy gleam in Kyuhyun’s eye, and the want to put it there, he knew very well. It wasn’t anything else but love.
***
It wasn’t like Kyuhyun had turned off his sexuality just because he hadn’t dated anyone he was attracted to. It certainly wasn’t that his need for sex had somehow disappeared. He had, he thought, done a fine job of taking care of his needs by himself. It wasn’t like he was some kind of monk. But there was something to be said for a little outside participation. He smiled at where Zhou Mi was passed out next to him, a couple of his knuckles pulling his bottom lip out of alignment. He didn’t even know how a man like this, who was charming, engaging, would waste his time on Kyuhyun in a normal situation. The way Zhou Mi looked at him, the way Zhou Mi treated him, felt so real. But he didn’t have a gauge to judge it by. But maybe even someone second rate would look appealing if it meant guaranteeing a paycheck. And Kyuhyun had demanded monogamy from him, so there weren’t any real options for Zhou Mi.
And who had made the first move? The kissing had been mutual. The grinding they had done in that hallway, he didn’t think he’d started it. But when Kyuhyun had teased Zhou Mi, Zhou Mi had responded. But too quickly? Should he have questioned it? He’d been too in lust to do so.
Zhou Mi was starting to come awake, and he waited to see what he would do. A warm mouth meeting his shoulder, Zhou Mi’s sleep-filled voice murmuring, “Kui Xian.”
Emotion tightened his throat to where he could barely swallow. He wanted it to be real so fucking badly. Someone to talk to, hold, spend time with. He held still as Zhou Mi moved his warm limbs and torso against him, a clinging monkey of a man.
“Are you showering before you go to work?” Zhou Mi murmured, against his cheek.
“I need to, or no one could stand to be in the same room with me.”
Getting out of bed to go shower off hadn’t exactly been high on his priority list the night before. Zhou Mi chuckled, stroking his hip.
“If you get up to shower now, is there time for me to shower with you?”
“You mean you didn’t get enough of me last night?” he prodded.
Zhou Mi’s eyes opened. “I don’t think that’s possible.”
As it turned out, he didn’t have much time. But spending an extra fifteen minutes in the shower hadn’t put him far behind, and had gotten his day off to a rather nice start, seeing as how both Zhou Mi’s kiss and jerking fist had been well worth the effort. And Kyuhyun’d gotten a kiss before he got his shoes on for his effort.
“It’s going to be crazy the next few days getting ready for the first day of the conference, and the speech I have to give, so I’m sorry if I won’t be around much.”
“Don’t worry,” Zhou Mi told him, smiling. “Just let me know, and I’ll make sure to have food waiting.”
Okay, so he’d gotten a kiss right after that, too, but that was only because Zhou Mi was so tall that he could lean into the entryway and demand one. And maybe it’d gone on a few seconds longer than it should’ve. But it had at least helped to move some of the worries from the front of his brain.
***
And he had not been lying. The next few days for him had been insane. Finalizing his speech, double checking things. Eeteuk had been more or less responsible for oversight on making sure conference rooms were prepped, that everyone from out of town had places to stay. He even managed to push the seemingly now daily letters out of his head, focusing on work, and then on going home and passing out beside Zhou Mi. Who, even though he knew Kyuhyun was too tired to get up to much, still scooted close under the covers. He woke every morning with some part of them touching, like he had curled close to Zhou Mi for comfort during the night.
He got at least five hours of sleep, and that due to Zhou Mi, the night before his speech. Everyone would gather for a special kickoff luncheon at which he was the only speaker. A welcome. Setting the tone. There would be trade agreements, mergers, company organization, done over the next week. Meetings that would fry brains and excite them. It was the first one he had planned, overseen, on his own. He had stood beside his father, but this one was his. And he was inordinately proud and worried about it.
“Today’s the speech?” Zhou Mi confirmed, bustling after him that morning like a shepherd. He’d told Zhou Mi he could just stay in bed, but he was being dutifully padded after by a man in pajamas that had crescent moons on them, and fuzzy slippers.
“At noon,” he said, checking his briefcase and making sure he had his cell phone. “Hopefully I have time to eat a little before I get up to talk.”
“Is it just for business people, or do others go? Um. Spouses, or…?”
“Not many of them brought their spouses.” Though, he had a thought, looking at Zhou Mi thoughtfully. “My mom used to go when my dad was presenting, though, as support.”
“Oh.” Zhou Mi’s face reflected his racing thoughts. “Would you mind…Would it bother you if I came? You wouldn’t even have to feed me!”
He hadn’t even really let himself consider it, but when Zhou Mi asked about it, he wondered that he didn’t just drag Zhou Mi to the car with him right there. It mattered to him more than he could say that Zhou Mi might want to be there for him. Not for anyone else. Just him. He thought about it a moment, whether having Zhou Mi there would make him more nervous or not. He didn’t think so, honestly. Having Zhou Mi sitting there might even calm him down.
“It wouldn’t bother me. And we have extra food, so I wouldn’t let you sit there looking stupid. It’s up to you. You’d just need to be there at least 15 minutes early so Eeteuk could seat you. I just don’t know why you’d want to go, since it’ll be boring for you.”
“I want to be there,” Zhou Mi insisted, laying his hands on Kyuhyun’s lapels. “You’ve been preparing really hard for this, so I want to show my support. If you want me there.”
“Sure. You’re picking your own poison, then.”
Zhou Mi caught him in a bone-popping hug, kissing him hard. “If I don’t get to tell you before, good luck.”
He grinned, picking up his briefcase. “I’ll see you later, then.”
And Zhou Mi was the first person he saw, when he went into the conference room to begin the kickoff. Lips curving as their eyes met briefly and he focused on getting set up at the podium. He looked up, made eye contact with businessmen from his company and others. Investors. People would had both shaped and would shape the future of the company and the industry itself.
“My name is Cho Kyuhyun,” he said, “And Cho Shipping and Transport welcomes you. I want to thank all of you for attending…”
It was his element. He knew the speech backward and forward, making his points, his arguments. Asking questions and getting responses. He didn’t look to Zhou Mi often, barely at all, but it was because he wanted to keep his focus. He was glad to know that if he had, Zhou Mi would’ve been watching him intently, encouraging him with his eyes alone.
The applause echoed through the conference room and he saw Zhou Mi go from watching him with a soft smile to applauding as well. Even as he said his thanks, he made his way around, intending to start shaking people’s hands and welcoming them personally. But he stopped at Zhou Mi’s chair, turning him. He didn’t really know how to express his gratitude, and all he had was a smile. But he kissed Zhou Mi there, in front of everyone. Quick, but still getting a few whoops as he patted Zhou Mi’s shoulder and moved on. No matter what idle threats he got, there were things he wanted to be more secure on between him and Zhou Mi. If he told Zhou Mi he was fired, but that he wanted him to be his lover for real? That reaction would tell him everything. Maybe not that day. But soon.
***
Zhou Mi sighed as he muscled a small table in through their bedroom door. He had sought it out almost as soon as he got home from watching Kyuhyun give his speech. Seeing Kyuhyun up there, so confident. A few bobbles, as every speech had. But all in all, he was every bit the person who was confident in his place. It was ridiculously sexy. But it also was just another facet of the Kyuhyun he held in his mind. Charming, a little sharp at times. Smart, caring. A generous lover. Selfish with his free time, but for good reason when he had so little of it. Warm to hold in bed, and that was an important one. Kyuhyun snuggled to him in the night far more than he did to Kyuhyun, and he… He loved that. That Kyuhyun reached for him, needed him. Wanting him at the speech to see him, looking at Zhou Mi with such triumph and pride, as though to say, Did you see? And he had. Looking at Zhou Mi first. To Zhou Mi. Kyuhyun could have looked anywhere, but he hadn’t. And when he thought of that, it made his eyes sting. Because that was no act from the man who had stood at that podium with steady hands, and voice.
And that smile and kiss had cemented every thought he had about changing their relationship from employment to something else. Maybe he should’ve played it safe and waited till the conference week was over, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t think it was a risk so much as a chance to thrill them both. Maybe a little shuffling internally, but the foundation was already there. The difference was that what Zhou Mi did for Kyuhyun after, Kyuhyun would know it was done because Zhou Mi wanted to do it. For Kyuhyun himself, with no contract or money between them.
He had bought the best bottle of champagne that he could find on the way home, got it chilling. He waited as long as he dared, leaving the house at the same time he knew that day’s conference meetings were scheduled to end. It hadn’t taking much investigation to find out Kyuhyun’s favorite restaurant, what he liked to eat there. And that they sometimes made it to-go for Kyuhyun, since he was so busy. He figured he could keep the food warm until Kyuhyun got home, if he was a little later. And they could eat at the table he’d set up in their bedroom. A small, intimate dinner. Kyuhyun, what would you think about dating me for real? Without a contract? Because I want that with you. He’d gone over a thousand ways to say it. And knowing his mouth it’d probably come out wrong and he’d have to explain, but as long as Kyuhyun laughed at his stupidness instead of any other reaction. And they could take that champagne to bed. Okay, so his mental movie was a little sappier than the reality he expected, but reality was just fine for him as well.
He blew out a breath, seeing Kyuhyun’s car was already there. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. The food would be hot that way, and they could dive right into it without Zhou Mi having to pace waiting for Kyuhyun to get home and racing to heat things up.
The door was open from the garage. He pursed his lips, wondering who was going to get in trouble for that. Kyuhyun liked the door closed, for cleanliness and to keep out insects. On that front Zhou Mi really couldn’t say he disagreed. Just another way they complimented each other. He stepped inside, seeing Kyuhyun’s shoes and smiling. Even though he was at home, he’d be in the library and not in the living room so Zhou Mi could sneak the food into the bedroom and then drag Kyuhyun away from his computer. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. He was mentally patting himself on the back and removing his shoes when he saw the cell phone on the ground. The spidery lines that crossed the screen spoke of a hard impact. Being dropped. And it was Kyuhyun’s phone. Had he broken it, angry? Had the afternoon not gone well? The smear, droplets of red beyond it made him worry on a different front. Wondering if Kyuhyun had cut his hand on the phone.
That was when he heard the moan, and the food fell from his hand as he ran forward. He helped the maid sit up, saw the wound on her face.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Did you fall?”
“There was a man,” she choked out, making his heart stop. “I answered the door and he shoved inside. He asked where Mr. Cho was, and hit me. Oh. Mr. Cho will be home soon! He’ll be so upset! Was anything taken? Oh no…”
Zhou Mi stood with frozen muscles. Mr. Cho was already at home. His car. His shoes. His cell phone.
His blood.
“Kyuhyun!” It came out as more of a bellow. He turned to the frightened maid, pressing his cell phone into her hand. “Call the police.”
He didn’t have to grope through the dark to look this time, racing for their bedroom. If Kyuhyun had cut himself, maybe he’d come to patch himself up. Empty. Closet, empty. Library, kitchen, gym, empty. He even checked the pool in some sick need to know.
“They’re on their way, sir,” she told him as he loped back into the living area. “That’s Mr. Cho’s phone that’s broken? Did he come home while the burglar was still here?”
“I don’t know,” he said, staring, looking for anything that would help him. Kyuhyun wouldn’t have left without his car. Were there security cameras outside? Inside?
Even the maid wasn’t sure, so he had her call whoever oversaw Kyuhyun’s security. They would know. If Kyuhyun had surprised a burglar, perhaps they were looking for a bigger payout. Ransom? He wasn’t even sure.
The maid was trembling when she hung up, and he felt terrible, ordering her around. She could have a concussion or worse. On his way to get her a drink of water as they waited for the police, he stopped, the cold seeming to overtake him.
On the table he’d eaten so many breakfasts and dinners across from Kyuhyun at, was a single, cream-colored envelope with Kyuhyun’s name across the front.
***