lincoln log (february 12th)

president lincoln's last bowel movement, supposedly fished from a ford's theatre chamber pot, can be viewed at the dime museum in baltimore. the turd was proven to be a fraud when analysis showed it contains necco wafers, which weren't sold until forty seven years after lincoln's death. nonetheless, the lincoln log ( Read more... )

 i am highly amused and feel horribly bad for this kid. he just got oral surgery and is all fucked up on the laughing gas.
i can't stop watching it....

Click to view

i had a good night. with positive people. it's okay to feel destroyed and still enjoy yourself. it's getting better! and i will eventually be okay.

so feb 20th.. i have a burlesque show. but if you're ( Read more... )

 world-record poo

"the world's longest documented human poo measures twenty-six feet and was produced by michelle hines in 2005. hines worked with a team of nutritionists and used a special plug the week before launch to prevent premature evacuation. the resulting poo was the same length as her entire colon, and is almost an inch longer than the ( Read more... )

 my stepdad bought me a "poo a day" calendar that i put in the bathroom. it gives you fun facts about poops.

i really like today's so i will share!

"the chinese star poo is characterized by the excruciatingly painful sensation that your rectum is being torn apart from the inside as this poo exits your body. this searing agony is commonly the result ( Read more... )

 dear new years,

i'll be frank (and you can be cindy). i'm not expecting a spectacular night, or even a face amazing exploding night but at least a mediocre one.
is that cool? can we just be on good terms this year? let bygones be bygones?

i'll even pour one out for you, thump my chest, point to the sky and say "this ones for you, new years".

deal?

with ( Read more... )

 this is one of my all-time favorite "The State" skits.... i think this describes my humor very accurately. "both of you dick tracy's.. cut the sheep dip!"

Click to view

 and this is my favorite drunk history. 
"oh my god you're like totally my fucking favorite"

Click to view

on another note. i have a date tonight. he's def a gentleman. and i don't think i'm used to that.

 
( Read more... )

yup.

so that happened.

and NOW  i'm going to think about this and only this:


( Read more... )

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1062575/Pictured-The-punk-rock-turtle-bright-green-mohawk.html

i think the chin tufts are what makes my day more than the mohawk.