I just got screamed at after a counseling session. Great, this is fucking fantastic. She said we couldn't afford to move out, but we could. I've thought through it. After my mom comes down in late October, I'll tell my brother I need a place to stay for a couple months. My car will be paid off by then, so I can send all my money to payoff the ( Read more... )

I'm ill ( Read more... )

How hard should I try to fix things?

The door has been opened that I can leave, go run away from another problem and never truly face it. That's the story of my life. When things get hard, try something else. One you'll find success.

So we had a talk today. Not an in-person talk, just a long drawn out email conversation. That seems to be the only way we can communicate. Where do we stand now? I have no fucking clue. She mentioned helping me buy a bed so I could just sleep in the guestroom that has become my library and place to stash shit we don't want company to see. She doesn ( Read more... )

I must go forward. I don't know if that forward is a good one or not. It could be hopelessly pathetically lonely, but maybe that's all I'm destined to. I basically have someone who will take care of me for now, but its wearing thin for her. I'm too lazy, I let her do too much. I need to help more and take care of things on my own. She does my ( Read more... )

There are trying times ahead in my life. I live with the woman I love and she loves me in return. But things aren't going as smoothly as we had both thought. We argue enough, usually over email. I haven't told her that my symptoms have come back. She needs to know these things and I need to trust that she won't run away scared of me. But I hold on ( Read more... )

Bullshit. All of this is utter, total bullshit. As are you. And everyone else. Just fucking bullshit.

Voice is back. Still racist. Some of the words in my ear I hate. I'm afraid I might say those things that its telling me to say. Its like a constant peer pressure in my head. I know its not real. I know that. But that knowledge does not make it go away ( Read more... )

I want an end to things. I want to hide away and stop being such a burden on people. That's how I feel. I don't really fit in anywhere. Just kind of off to the side pretending to be one of them. But I'm not one of them. I never was. I've been plagued by this shit for far too long ( Read more... )

I keep hearing and seeing things moving past me. I'm not sure if its ghosts or what. I could have sworn my fiancee walked past me toward the laundry room, but I went to see if it was her, there was nothing there. Not even one of the cats. I don't know what to do. I've been hearing things falling over all night too. Loud crashing sounds like a ( Read more... )