dear mia and sam...

I <3 you guys. We should totally get together over break. I miss you guys a lot... I swear I haven't gone that off the rocker as my entries would suggest. I've just had some really traumatic experiences lately-- strange how they pummel you all at once.

My brain is flurrying acid chips. Paint chips. I feel as if I’ve been inhaling empty paint can fumes-the remnants of toxicity. The way sincere eyes look at you when you can’t intrinsically reciprocate. The oddities that effuse out of your mouth. I want to die die die. I hate the people who are impinging on the truth within me. Like Will and Hannah ( Read more... )

I am in love with the physical ( Read more... )

So, I met this guy on the internet, myspace to be precise (a great beginning to any story)... we've recently ventured into facebook. His name is Foad Askari, as in fwad, not fode... I know... He apparently graduated two years before me at RHHS. He goes to College Park and he's tres seexxxxxyy.
Anyway, he keeps on trying to get me to go out with him ( Read more... )

I’m coming home this weekend to rest. To listen to slow music without overt consciousness of my body or of other people, pressing in all around me.
I’ve been writing so many analytical papers that I’m afraid of losing my unstructured, chaotic prose. Fuck structure. It’s not that I can’t “do structure,” hell, I can do it with finesse, but I refuse to ( Read more... )

fuuuuuuuucccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKKKKKK ( Read more... )

Today I had to lead a 20 minute discussion on Waiting for the Babarians in my lit course. I was so nervous, because public speaking always scares the heck outta me. But it went really well, I think.

im going to party like it's 1999 tonight... because im done my midterms, my lit discussion and now its midsemester break. woohoo!!!!!!!

ps-- thanks for ( Read more... )

I feel so sick all of the time, as if seeing her again provoked all of these repressed negative feelings. Now they run rampant through me. I cannot stop them. I cannot laugh or feign happiness. How painful it is to be locked inside of ourselves. No psychologist, no human being can truly empathize with the estranged plight of another. I'm fascinated ( Read more... )

Why do we give people second chances? Why do we so weakly offer third, fourth and fifth chances? "What tangled skeins we weave." Why, with each passing chance does my heart gape a little more obviously? Why do my tendril-like organs spill out of my heart like snakes, like tears ( Read more... )

College is rough.  I cannot strike that sublime balance between devotion to work versus self-indulgence. I cannot interpose my conception of self among the various personas parading about. Who am I when people know who they are? Did I miss some crucial phase in my adolescent life? Or is it that we never really know, but rather progressively learn ( Read more... )