today so far:
cottage cheese & grapes (100)
ice milk (100)
raisins & a few cashews (200)
some sprinkles (errgh. 50)
an apple sauce (60)

ughghgh 510 already for today!!! i'm going home and i dunno if that'll make it better or worse...

yesterday was less than 600 cals, today i'm shooting for much less. i can avoid the pizza at the study abroad meeting, i know it.
138.4, ughghgh, but 3 pounds less than yesterday.
fuck you, period.

sigh. i just definitely called the parentals and had a nervous breakdown... they've got some appointments for me and some prescriptions to be filled. i just can't do this anymore... it hurts so much. but i'll never tell anyone about the ED... i'm depressed because i'm so fat. and i won't let them take that away from me. besides, they can't tell i ( Read more... )

please help me. someone, anyone, with something, anything. i feel so alone and so depressed and so motherfucking worthless. aghghghghghgh.

i wish i believed in god so i had somewhere to go.

i need someone to help me, i can't even help myself.
whywhywhywhywhywhywhy

he likes me because i'm fat and therefore can't leave him. no one really likes fat chicks.
"i'd rather get bruises from a skinny girl's bones than have more cushion for the pushin' "

he lies but it's gotta be true. no one loves curves like this.

it's all so useless. and i don't know why i bother. and i don't know why i haven't been able to go through with just offing myself yet.

i can't even do that right.

i'm so ashamed. seriously seriously seriously.

ughhgh 138.4. considering that yesterday i was at 140.6 yesterday morning, and i had a fribble AND a frosty... that's okay okay okay. ewewewew.

i was at 350... plus a medium apple (60) and a crystal lite (5)... and gum (5)
420. AHAHAHA. considering i'm mad stoned... that's hilarious.

i had such fear in my heart for today. but ( Read more... )