hah i'm a "dry drunk" gone wet! yeehaa! i've 3.5 beers and i'm still guzzling. fuck. i feel like shit on the inside and so i drink. why not right? at least it's not heroin right? fuck all that, it just happens to be legal so nobody gives a damn about it, that's all. thank god for the alcohol though, i'm crying right now and i really needed to. life ( Read more... )

i feel fucking belligerent for no apparent reason. i wanna kick someone's ass. i think it's the whole recovery drama shit. woohoo for outrageous and confusing emotions surfacing at the most inappropriate times. i think i'm pissed off because i've been thinking about tracy. that and the fact that i was so shaken after her funeral i took a small dose ( Read more... )

so i should mention a friend of mine OD'd last week on heroin. she's gone now and it hurts pretty bad. i really lost it at her funeral. what the fuck, it's like cleaning up just isn't enough. addiction just has to keep beating me in the face. it has to steal the beauty of life right from under my nose. what next? what next?

here's a poem i wrote ( Read more... )

"I might be wrong ( Read more... )

"Life for some time now has been somewhat depressing and you feel 'under the weather'. You are looking for a means by which you can escape from all the pressures of everyday life. But you must remember that the 'Past does not equal 'Tomorrow'. You are seeking a way to escape from all the trials and tribulations that oppress you at this time, but at ( Read more... )

today i entered an intensive outpatient program for follow-up care. it's 5 more weeks of 3 hour sessions 5 times a week ( Read more... )

"We're rotten fruit ( Read more... )

"In pitch dark I go walking in your landscape ( Read more... )

went to an NA meeting last nite at Shoal Creek, it was pretty good. i needed a meeting last nite because i felt so depressed yesterday. all i could think about all day was how shitty my life really became when i was on heroin. those memories will never leave me... there are so many thoughts and feelings inside that i haven't processed completely ( Read more... )