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(Untitled)
Everyone needs to lighten up. I mean it.
Everyone.
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In which I recount my family history as I know it with a modicum of braggartry.
Should the subject come up at parties, the result is inevitably a pissing contest. "Oh? That's awfully interesting. I am related to Guy Fawkes on my mother's side, but I am related to Henry VIII on my father's side." You know the type ( Read more... ) -
Bread, Fire, and Beer.
There's something primal about creating something from nothing. Today, after conjuring wild yeast out of the air and into a soup of flour and water, I created yeasted, raised English muffins. The results were less than spectacular, but still ( Read more... ) -
Reasons I might look down on You, or think you less of a man.
You shave with an electric razor.
You can't drive stick.
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The scar is going to be bigger then you probably imagine, Kitty cat.
"Know what happens to nosy fellows? Huh? No? Wanna guess? Huh? No? OK. They get their noses cut off ( Read more... ) -
Moles and Scabs. Neither one is a complimentary term for a person.
Doctor: You'll feel a mosquito bite.
Me: Ok. (He applies the needle to my face. I feel a mosquito bite. He then starts to scrape at my face with something. I feel nothing but pressure and a trickle of something wet on my chin, most likely blood.)
Doctor: And now a buzzing sound. (He takes a wand to my face. I hear a buzzing sound and see a wisp of ( Read more... ) -
I'm too lazy to link to anything. Just take my word for it.
A couple three weeks ago, I wrote about Michael "Heck of a job, Brownie" Brown and his talk show on the radio in Denver. There were some wildfires up near Boulder this week, and it turns out he had to be evacuated. It's only half justice. Real justice would have been him living for six months in a FEMA trailer sitting in the parking lot of a Wendy' ( Read more... ) -
As always, I don't think it means anything. Just reporting the facts.
The other night I dreamt that Anne Hathaway was elected Pope. She called herself "Yevgeny VI."
As far as I know, there has never been a Yevgeny I, let alone Yevgenys II through V.
Meryl Streep got elected head of the nuns, but that's probably because I saw "Doubt." -
At altitude, you have to punch the dough more to develop the gluten.
There was a stretch of about three months in the late eighties or early nineties (I can't really remember which) where there was absolutely no money coming into the house. Carl Icahn pulled some shit and my mother didn't get paid for like two and a half months. My father wasn't working because he was too ill to work ( Read more... )