i sat on my front steps smoking a cigarette and watching people as they passed by. i wondered about the burdens they had to bear. and so i smiled at them. i smiled at strangers and it felt good to smile because i was sincere. it was the least i could do.

( there's something about the ocean that just soothes my soul. )

yesterday my dad traded in my car and came home w/ a new one. i wish i had known that he was going to do that so i could have driven it one last time. sure it was old, but it was mine. i miss my car and the fuzzy farm animal stickers that were on the glove compartment. i even miss the spring in the driver's seat that made me feel violated whenever ( Read more... )

i've learned that i'm not afraid to die. it's the living part that scares me.

last night i was invited to go to a karaoke bar, so i went.
a creepy drunk guy kissed my neck.

someone told me that if he dies in his sleep he wants me to know that he thinks i'm "fucking amazing."
it surprises me when i tell people about myself and it doesn't scare them off. maybe i'm not that scary after all.

lately photography and dancing have been my salvation ( Read more... )

oh man, trying to open up my negatives in the dark with a church key can opener is pretty hard. the lab was chaotic and exciting. i loved it! i'm so excited about black and white photography, you have no idea.

i just put my dog to sleep.
i want to stay in bed now and never get up.

just yesterday he was running around like a puppy, trying to eat his paw prints in the snow. the house feels empty w/o him.
dot misses him too. she threw up twice.

last night my car wouldn't start. i missed the party i was supposed to go to, and so i walked to miriam's. we played gin rummy as usual. i ended up sleeping over because it got late and they wouldn't let me walk home, even though i only live a block away. i'm glad things worked out the way they did because i haven't had a heart to heart with miriam ( Read more... )

yesterday i went with manny, erin, and miriam to see the daily show with jon stewart in nyc. we got there early and needed to go somewhere for an hour or we'd freeze to death. my creative mind came up with a poster for miriam, so we went to kinkos. the poster says "jon jewart, this arab loves you" with an arrow pointing down ( Read more... )