my oh my. i feel so dirty. the girlfriend is a freak. an a lot more attached to me than i am her. but what can ya do. just keep going to the hills

well i duno. do i go with it? run? or what?

so this is how it went... i gave in an went for it. it's all a matter of seeing where time takes me. some things feel very right. and others are rather uneasy. but thats from being cautious. and of course thinking if it's only just a rebound. or mainly is it of spite? an those are bad things

well well well. what to say now. i don't need to fall again. i warned them off. an it's not helping. but part of me wants it. but i don't at the same time. hmm quite the interesting song. i just don't want to hurt. or get hurt again.

i hate fucking head games. all i want to do is cry. i know violence doesn't solve anything. i know it makes shit worse. i know all these things. but i don't want anyone's help. especially if you have caused enough emotional damage for two lifetimes. i'm sick of being stepped on emotionally. i'm sick of crying over someone who just makes me feel ( Read more... )

and with that said, that is why i'm taking joey to be my husband. i will have citizenship. i will have someone to come home to. i will have a friend. and sex doesn't matter. he can fuck whoever he wants. an so can i. plus there will be a tax break. i love him as a friend. but nothing more. and he won't get attached. because i could never give my ( Read more... )

i guess i lived in a fantasy where i thought i could ever marry for love.

i just really need someone to hold me and tell me i'm not too much of a fuck that i know i am. just a friend. not someone who wants to get in my pants. or who wants a relationship. or marriage. just a friend. i know i did wrong. i know i fucked up. and i hate myself every waking moment of the day because of it.

never again. i never wanted to hurt the one person i didn't want to hurt. because of drinking i lost one of my best friends and love of my life. i hate myself and i have to live with that. all because of my jealousy problems with chrissy and i couldn't make myself feel better by escaping to my car for music. it didn't help that if we were together ( Read more... )

yesterday may have been a sad day in that i was full of tears. at work and outside of work. but today is equally as sad. the phone goes into my name. my ties to sam are cut. an yea. oh and i have to take on the role of all work an no play. i don't pitty sam. but i also don't want bad rental history. so i will take it all over. an drop all that sam ( Read more... )