i hate being depressed. i can't function in the way i would like to. i don't want to do my job or work at anything. i can eat fine. maybe that's why i'm even fatter than before. and i'm not even joking when i say everything makes me wanna cry.

well as we all know, summer has my passport. if she can get it to of quick then i can make it home for the funeral.

i hate feeling this alone. i hate it i hate it. i hate how in the past few months my life has gone from bad to worse. and unfortunately i know i haven't hit rock bottom. because i know what's coming next. i don't know how soon it will be but i know it's soon. and i dred it a lot. i really hate the person i am and have become. you see, this is why i ( Read more... )

i'm not ok. i'm breaking and i can't stop it. i'm drained emotionally. and i don't know how to deal with it all. i want comfort but in the same breath, i don't. if i didn't have to be at work right now i'd be in bed crying till i passed out. i sit here an my mind just wanders. it's a bad thing. just in case you were wondering. i hate being left ( Read more... )

everything makes me cry. i wanna run away an dig myself a hole to cry in and stay there forever

my grandmother died this morning. around two am our time. i was in a car full of boys when i found out. there was no time to cry. i did however shed a tear when we got to the beach. it wasn't as fun as i had wanted it to be with everything that was going on in my head.

i wouldn't say that i was a stupid human being. i may tend to try to look past certain things but by all means i'm not stupid. why would you hide the lube in the hamper and the hand cuffs in the drawer when i know they both came from the back pack. i had to pull out the vodka from there. an not to mention that the fake penis was in there before. an ( Read more... )

i've gotta stop being an asshole. i always fuck shit up. i need to leave an find somewhere to go where i can't hurt myself or others. as each day passes i dig myself deeper an deeper into a hole. no fault but my own. i can stop immediate pain if i so chose. its a swaying fence

i am fucking retarded. a true burn out. sharp yet completely oblivious. how the hell do i still function ok? i still don't know a lot of things. i do know that i miss a lot of things.

last night was actually pretty cool. i enjoyed myself. i'm just really pissed off at joey's loud stupid ass for the abrupt wake up call this morning. i didn't get any of my errands done. ugh. and juan sleeps forever! i want my shit.