My R.A controls my life. I really wish it didn't and it shouldn't but I honestly don't remember what its like to feel normal. Everyday I wake up I hurt and the few good days I have a month seem far and few between. It's almost been 2 years since I was diagnosed and I remember the doctor saying without intense treatment I would be in a wheel chair ( Read more... )

I am sad and for as long as I have ever been sad it seems like I never know what to do about it. I am trying to get things in my life together but I have a lot of pressure on my soul and it seems that it is getting to difficult to deal with.

The waves have parted and I am happy again. There are several brief moments in my life where I am genuinely happy and this is one of those periods of time. I have been wanting to post for awhile but I have been so busy lately. I hate to not write. I will never remember all of the amazing details that make me smile right now, such as the gingerbread ( Read more... )

I wish there was a place I could go to when I feel like the anxiety and sadness is too overwhelming. I feel sick to my stomach and I know I will read this at a different point in time and not understand why but I will know the feeling. I wish I had the motivation to be more productive in the ways I want to be. There are so many things I want to do ( Read more... )

I am under the impression that I try to hard to give too everyone else that the moment I have time to do something for myself it just seems to foreign to me. I need to work on myself I say and think about it a lot but I really need to do more for myself to truly be happy. I also want to go to new places with mat I wish we could travel in a ( Read more... )

Its crazy how different I am from the person I remember myself being. I am having a tough time right now dealing with an increased amount of anxiety and I don't know what to do about this. The house is so hot I have no motivation to do much, heat really drains me. It doesn't help that I have been cooking a lot I am trying to cook and make stuff so ( Read more... )

I am a married women me and mat got married June 4th at Hayes Arboretum then the reception was at the 4th floor blues club. It was nice other then a few bumps on the way the flowers where a disappointment they where accidentally frozen and a few minor details that I wanted didn't happen but overall it was nice and a lot of what I wanted. We also ( Read more... )

My head is spinning, these past few weeks have been insanely busy between finals and the wedding. I am so far behind in so many things for the wedding the food, tedious small things. My R.A flair ups have tamed since I started taking shots for them but its still hurting just not as bad. February has been so far the roughest month. I have had a few ( Read more... )

I have been working on the wedding a lot lately I only have 50 something days left. I have been looking at more of the ceremony what goes on how things will be set up and such. For the wedding reading I really want to do an excerpt from a children's book rather then a religious excerpt. I love children's books and I feel they can be so beautiful. ( Read more... )

Today we looked at flowers. We didn't order anything yet because the florist has to make sure the prices she wrote down will be exact. She is also looking into Lavender bunches which I might just order online if we can't get them for a decent price. Last week we looked into cakes which is more or less done. We still have to work on tux's and I have ( Read more... )