I'm impatient to feel better. Broke off contact with her because it was hurting to be in touch. So maybe eventually I can resume it but for now it's better this way. I feel a little weak for being so broken down and full of anguish. I'm reading Of human Bondage. The main character annoys me so much with some of his decisions sometimes. But I get it ( Read more... )

a phantom limb of your face in my heart

So there it is, in the span of a week and a half I went from being in a commited long term relationship with plans to spend the rest of our lives together to being left, quite suddenly and without warning for someone else. Feels like I'm in the middle of so much change and unknown right now, I'm spinning a lot. And work is keeping me so busy that I ( Read more... )

2012 was one of the best years of my life in terms of moving forward. Started a window cleaning company and managed to live off of that alone for spring-summer-fall. At the same time I moved a little forward with playing guitar, while hitting hard against a hard wall of brittle self-confidence. So on the one hand, starting the business and watching ( Read more... )

to the ones who have changed me ( Read more... )

I've got to know no one and have inner space to be comfortable. And that's okay for vulnerability. It needs space and to feel secure. Then it shows and appears. It's not something that can be forced. You've got to respect that. Don't try to be vulnerable. Just give love to your inner spaces. Give love to each small temple pillar. Each fear. Each ( Read more... )

une petite valse à danser dans des pas pas synchro, un orgue à jouer avec des notes sans accords, quelques mots lancés en l'air, des confettis pour les mariés, les unis à la Terre, à l'espace, à exister. Une parade qui sort d'une cornemuse qui explose hors d'un fou rire et éclate en sanglots de joie sur mes vêtements. Couvert de vie, je regarde ( Read more... )

just sitting open-heartedly.

J'ai envie de me mettre dans le milieu du feu. De marcher dans mes zones d'inconforts. De faire de l'impro. De jouer des rôles. De sortir de mes comportements habituels. De danser librement. D'être fou et bruyant et spontanée. ça me fait super peur aussi. Mais so what?

Something I notice with my juggling practice is that it shows me where I have posture imbalances and asks me to correct them by relaxing into the moment and staying present and focused. But the key is really relaxing into the moment so that my body can realign itself. And that's what I find beautiful, to feel in a very tangible way how deeply ( Read more... )