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New adventure
Only one day in on this new adventure and my head is spinning. New rules, new personality to learn, and new challenges to face. Also here, though, is new opportunity, new sense of self and a sense that maybe what I have been longing for is out there. As a cautious Capricorn, going all in quickly isn’t my norm but I feel really good about this. I’m ( Read more... ) -
New training (?)
I put it out into the universe that I wanted to find a Dom / Master and was flooded with responses. I think I may have found my match. Let’s see where this ride takes us. -
Journal
The last few days have been pretty fantastic relationship-wise, and I am hoping beyond hope that they stay that way. We had a therapy appointment for Sunday that the therapist didn't show up for and that was a kick in the pants. We have both been working through things in preparation for this appointment anyway, though, and I think we've made great ( Read more... ) -
Spiral
Journal to stop a spiral
Journal to stop a spiral
Journal to stop a spiral
I’m sad. Like big sad. I keep staying in this place. People are trying to help me but I’m stuck. How do I get unstuck?
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Journal
Defeated, straight-up defeated is how I feel today. I don’t turn Steve on and I don’t think that I can. I get sad and he gets mad. Last night he was screaming in my face because I was sad. Ummm what? I'm not trying to be manipulative or dramatic, I'm just fucking sad. So fucking sad. I drank a bit last night and that won't happen again as I have to ( Read more... ) -
Self admiration
What do I admire today as I stand naked in front of the mirror?
My curves. Like a playground waiting to be interacted with.
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Mental Health
I want to try to track my mental health journey this time. See if I make any lasting progress that I haven't before. Today was my intake appointment and those always make me feel embarrassed. Is there a history of abuse? self-harm? mental illness? addiction? Yes yes yes yes yes, for god's sake yes! Who doesn't have a crazy story these days? And ( Read more... ) -
Self admiration
What do I admire today as I stand naked in front of the mirror?
My hands. I have pretty hands that look great around things. 😉
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Self admiration
What do I admire today as I stand naked in front of the mirror?
This task is harder than I thought it was going to be.
I’ve tried, I noted, I’ll try again tomorrow.
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Rough day
Having a good time with my brother and the kids but there is a nagging in my head. The same one I feel every time I get real and honest. Guilt. I hate the face that being honest makes me sad about who and how I am. And it’s not necessarily anyone’s fault, just how I know things to be. I hate that I hurt people. I also hate that I hurt myself every ( Read more... )