mothergoddamn YOU BITCH! YOU ARE IN VENICE AND SO IS RDJ! PLEASE PUT HIM IN YOUR CARRY-ON!

Tonight? Everyone at work is about three seconds away from freaking the balls out. Like seriously. Josh and I are talking about grabbing baseball bats and beating the shelves in.

MY LIFE IS PAIN.

ETA: NVM! SAM AND I ARE KIDNAPPING HIM WHEN HE'S IN CHICAGO! WE HAVE ( Read more... )

GODDAMN IT! HOW ARE WE GONNA CRASH THAT DUMB SLUT'S SHOTGUN WEDDING IF YOU DON'T FIND OUT THE VENUE?!

SAMANTHA, YOU ARE A DISAPPOINTMENT TO BITCHITUDE EVERYWHERE.

FUCK YOU TAAAAAAAAAAAXXXXXXXXXXEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

I WANT MY MOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY!

Huuurrrgggggg. Busy day is busy ( Read more... )

ALSO WHENEVER I SEE A POST ON MY FLIST BY LAVVYAN I'M LIKE WAIT WHAT I POSTED WHAT NOW?

THEN I LEARN HOW TO READ.

I WENT TO A CAT FUNERAL YESTERDAY. DID NOT EXPECT IT TO BE A FUNERAL. EXPECTED TO JUST PUT THE POOR DARLING IN A BOX, THEN IN THE DIRT, THEN CHAINSMOKE LIKE A MILLION CIGARETTES ( Read more... )

ALSO! TALEYA! I AM CASUALLY LEAVING MY SLIPPERS HERE. RIGHT HERE. I AM TAKING THEM OFF AND LEAVING THEM RIGHT HERE.

IN SHORT, SLIPPERS. HERE.

OH GOD I NEED TO PASS OUT NOW MY LEGS FEEL WOBBLY.

IS IT A GOOD THING THAT I CAN BEAT AMI AT MASTURBATION RACES?

THREE TIMES OVER?

AMI: The only testicles I want to keep in a jar are yours.

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D:

I WAS FOOTING ABOUT UNDER THE TABLE IN THE COFFEE SHOP, TRYING TO BE ALL SEDUCTIVE AND CASUALLY SPREADING HER LEGS IN PUBLIC.

INSTEAD I JUST KICKED THE EVER LIVING SHIT OUT OF HER ANKLE.

GOD I AM A SEXY BEAST.