well i royally pissed off my grandpa tonight at dinner. so he wants me to leave now. and ive pissed off sonia too, so she prolly wont wanna get back with me. those are like, the two people in my life that really mattered, and now i pushed them away. i tried to call sonia, so that i could just talk to her, but she didnt pick up. prolly cuz she didnt ( Read more... )

i have made the mistake of visitin my grandparents for the whole summer. two weeks would have been plenty. ive come to realize that things are not as they once were. all grandpa does is complain and yell at grandma to take care of him, when all he does is sit around the house all day and she goes out and works, cleans house, makes dinner for him. i ( Read more... )

for about the past week, ive been sittin here feelin guilty about stuff that i should have gotten ove. i have done things to sonia, been mean to her and just about everything else. she has told me that shes not mad at me and doesnt hold anything against me, but i still feel as if ive done the worst possible thing to her and there is not way to make ( Read more... )

well that didnt last very long. yet again, im sad as hell and i think that sonia doesnt want me around or that she doenst "need" me or that she doesnt love me as much as she used to. i feel like shit. i feel so alone. i know that i have friends and family. i just got done talkin to john as a matter of fact. but, i have a big hole in me. none of ( Read more... )

well... things are gettin better. im no longer depressed, well not as much as i once was. i still get sad about not being able to see her and that i can only talk to her on the phone. its hard, so hard to do. i just want to hug her and kiss her. hold her close and smell her hair. but im not angry at everyone. i no longer direct my rage at sonia. i ( Read more... )

i got home from work today, and i called sonia, but she didnt pick up. so i waited about a half hour or something, then i called again, but still didnt pick up. then a minute later, she called me back and said that she was on her way to hooters with everybody. i asked who everybody is and she tells me that its her, amanda, mike and dave. i see two ( Read more... )

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE!!!!!

in two days, ill be leavin here to go stay with my grandparents for a couple of months to visit before i go to basic training. before, i liked the idea and i wanted to go. i was excited... but now im not so sure that i want to leave. i mean, i want to see my granparents. im lucky to see them once a year, but... it feels like im leavin sonia behind ( Read more... )

and thats just a... whatever the fukk you wanna call it. im not callin anyone a dog ( Read more... )

sonia told me today that these recent entries that have been about me, her, and our relationship are upsetting her. she said that she read them and that some of the things i said made her mad, and the things that mike and john said made her mad too. now, to mike and john, dont get mad at her. i mean, its expected that shes gonna get mad for you ( Read more... )