my head is mess, and my body is burnt out. There is no reason for this...none whatsoever. I'm eating. I shouldn't be sicker than I was before I left for treatment. What was the point of going away if nothing can save me?

I'm home from UCLA for a few weeks. There is nothing like being told you are too medically compromised to be in a program that was supposed to be your last hope. Talk about feeling hopeless. Things will be okay.

i back in UCLA because I simply can't keep myself stable.

"you're knocking on heaven's door ( Read more... )

I was discharged from Ip earlier this week, and now am doing the partial program from 8-6. I'm walking a very fine line.

Well, I suppose quite a bit has happened over the last few days. I've gotten my very own special strain of the flu/pneumonia( take 3)...so needless to say I feel like a walking zombie, but I'm finally starting to feel better. I might go to the partial program at the end of next week, and then back to Michigan for a while. This is just an anxiety ( Read more... )

I am feeling much better, and much stronger...emotionally, and perhaps physically today. I'm coming back to michigan for a few weeks in early december, and then we will make a plan for how long treatment should last thereafter. I will probably come back to california at the end of december, unless by some miracle I do amazing back home. I did quite ( Read more... )

I'm still weak as shit. My heart is being a real piece of work. I'm pretty much passed out most of the day, but I'm hanging in there for lack of any better alternative. Things feel numb, but I know they will get better when I have energy again.

Things are going really well. I fell amazing, I really truly do. The question is...how long will it last, and will it fade when I walk through the doors of my apartment when I return home or the scale start going up? We all know what many come ahead. Nonetheless, I feel the best that I have in years right now, this moment. That's all that counts. I ( Read more... )

Things are going well. Believe it or not, I'm off my adderall< I'm eating all my meals to compeletion, and I'm not throwing a fit. On the flip, my heart if still screwed up beyond belief, but things are getting better. I quit smoking for more than 24 hours. a huge feat for me. I'm sleeping 15+ hours a day, which can only be expected considering all ( Read more... )