summer has not gone off to a good start.

option one:
routine, city, make money

option two:
new orleans with ben

hmm.

i haven't called yet. but i know i will ( Read more... )

seven months and nine days into sobriety, i'm finally going to call up my sponsor. i have never felt so weak but willing to accept someones help.
fuck i'm scared.

i turn twenty in 6 days and 23 hrs ( Read more... )

I think all humans just want control.

 the more i think about it, the more excited i am to go home. i need a break. i need to relax. i just need to be gone. i can't help crying.

its so incredible how everything can change in one day. this weekend was so wonderful. the weather is warm and instantly we all forget about the past four months of brutal coldness and intense winds. it's warm. and everything feels nice and nothing hurts ( Read more... )

just got a call from jeff. he's in a hospital in mexico. he and ben tried to swim to some island. they couldnt make it. a boat had to rescue them. jeff lost his big toe on the boat motor. they could have drown. they could have drown. they didnt. i dont think my heart could take it if they did. they're so dumb. so so so dumb. i love them. glad ( Read more... )

dear god:

thank you for the people in my life. for thinking. for memories. for grains of salt. thank you for helping me escape death and depression. thank you for allocating me such incredible emotions, pain, hurt, happiness, what ever sparks laughter. thank you for allowing me to remember, relive, recall, reforget.

amen.