jealousy is an intense emotion that i am not equipped to face here. now. so i quietly desperately try and find a tiny crack a small light to tell the secrets the things pushed under the rug to have someone see my discontent with the smallest concern. and the feelings are just resting and growing and my worries are beginning to permeate my mind. i ( Read more... )

it just hit me. and i can feel it so deeply. and as i type this i can feel the warm tears running down my face because for a very moment this feels so real. i saw it, i felt it. i finally understood this. i received just a glimpse of the future and reality. and the present and how my surroundings now will never have to be mine again ( Read more... )

it's really hard for me to comprehend that i got in. and now almost a week later after meeting with her, i still cant believe it. even after receiving my official acceptance letter, im still in shock. and im trying to write now to process my thoughts about the whole thing and i still can't. i dont know what to think. so many things go through my ( Read more... )

i felt it in my veins all the way to my finger tips. the disappearing sun on my skin. and i lied there on the beach listening to those songs and i felt complete and happy. i saw the future and i saw light. we shared secrets under a towel. creating the safe place to say the things we always knew about each other, but were to scared to say. i said it ( Read more... )

im already feeling crushed. already assuming the worst. already letting my heart break. today was reality check that i wasnt prepared to hear and i can't help but cry. i cant help but feel my day dreams are being ruined. my future plans not being my future ( Read more... )

i have a kidney infection. again. at school. & it sucks.

...i want to write a proper update soon when i no longer feel awful. because i have a lot of emotions inside me, of course no new ones, but their always present.

i have never been more busy in my entire life.

that is all.

i want to do a full update later, but some steps have been made in the good & right direction. some people are just trying to hold me back.

nope, not gonna happen! yeahhh.

once i told my dad i filled out my application to transfer to psu next term, he told me i was making the biggest mistake of my life, but... i could still do what i want ( Read more... )

sometimes i wonder if i am really living lately. and i wonder if i am living my life to the fullest because all i do is count down the days, daydream to take me to that place, go through the motions to do what i know i have to do. i thought with the time this distance would get easier and i would get use to us being apart. it's not getting easier. ( Read more... )

with you in my garden ( Read more... )