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the juxtoposition of day to night
i hate having these moments when people can see them, the energy, the uncontrollable energy, i don't understand it, i could run, i could fly, i just want to laugh until tears stream down my face, it frightens me, my mind is so scattered when i'm like that, i could do anything, i can't focus, i tried to play guitar to calm myself down and i just ( Read more... ) -
jilted jester
today i am full of hate, worthless fool, why do you bother to even continue your pitiful existence, they ask in jeering rasps, i shouldn't be here, unwanted, unneeded, i wish i could melt away, nothing more than an iridescent pool on the grimy worn floor, go on, they press at me, it'd be so easy, easier than you think, as if my thoughts are really ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
i feel like a failure. -
the little ghost boy
i feel like i'm not quite here these days, just a spirit drifting through this world, barely noticed, nobody sees me, nobody hears me, i'm invisible, i'm nothing. tenuous connections to reality, i wonder what is real, is this life a dream? a fantastical creation of mine, a cage designed to keep me in place, could i escape? i could try, i have, ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
i'm all over the place at the minute, some uplifting highs, contrasted by crippling lows. i'm functioning well enough, getting things done, though the need to carve red has uprisen again, after i did so well at repressing it. i wonder if it's a counteractive measure of my subconscious because i've been having happy moments, they don't want me to ( Read more... ) -
fear
i'm having a moment of really intense paranoia, i'm actually terrified, i feel like eyes are upon me, and the movement in the shadows gathers together to strike at me. i don't want to leave my room, to leave my house, not at all, but i must, it'll be ok, i'll get to see someone wonderful, and have cuddles and everything will be alright again, i ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
fuck, it's creeping back in ( Read more... ) -
crash
my mood has dived suddenly, i'm disappointed- i was in such a good mood yesterday, i couldn't stop smiling, and most of today i was ok, and now i'm back to feeling low and hollow. maybe it's because i'm tired, but i'm always tired these days, always feeling so rubbish, countered with moments of silly energy and activity, but it's still mostly not ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
i regret waking up, life is a hassle today. everything is just unnecessarily complicated. i think i might just kill myself now and be done with it, why waste time agonising about it, life hates me and wants me gone, the world and all it's inhabitants are against me. should i really be thinking like this? laugh it off, the day isn't done yet,, ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
is this really what i've become? heart-breaker, player, cold soulless creature? is this really how people perceive me? how did i end up here? too long letting the actions of others affect me, turning that hurt out into the world. i don't want to be that person. time for a change, maybe in vain, i've contemplated this for years. maybe i'm just ( Read more... )