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i feel tired all the time, these days are the same as any days, i just don't want to be awake sometimes, what is there to be awake for ( Read more... ) -
manifestations of self
i do have to wonder if i am real, if i'm really me. there's so many conflicting thought patterns that happen seemingly all at the same time, sometimes some are dominant, sometimes others, and none of them seem like my thoughts, my behaviour is not my own, simply rehearsed actions dictated by the character that i am at the time. there's so much i ( Read more... ) -
exercise in frustration
i think my eyes are broken
for they do not glisten as they should
as my faith falls away, in crimson beads
to feed my broken earth
so many judgements passed upon me
i fed them all their lines
we're all just puppets, in this satire
but who's operating the strings?
does my skin tell you a story?
does my slanted smile tell you a lie?
do my trembling hands and ( Read more... ) -
sunday afternoon
i feel cut off, with no clue what to do. i will wait for a resolution to present itself. -
saturday afternoon
i sit at my desk with all he right components ready and waiting, yet i struggle to find inspiration, the music does not flow from me today. perhaps i'm just in too good a mood. does misery feed my art? perhaps. oh well, i can wait for another day. soon erin will move to her new place, and the lonliness that will descend on this place will help in ( Read more... ) -
another day another dollar
feel wonderfully vacant today, but an evening out should be nice, might feel better after. -
dissatisfaction
is the word of the day. i need to write a new song or something, shake myself out of this. -
and back to the familiar
now my mood's dipped back to low, i just feel sad. i am an awful person, it's been said so many times. i shouldn't think about these things.
does nothing for my permanent sense of guilt and depression. well that's what i get for being a cunt. -
lost soul drifting through the oceans of change
i'm so tired today, bed at five, up at half 8, not enough time to rest properly. the electric company is hounding me, but i think i can sort it, just about. can't really eat this week, unless i can go shopping with a tenner? but at least if i keep working at this rate i should be relativey debt free by the end of the summer. which is something to ( Read more... ) -
bleh
i wish i could calm this rage, it dies down then flares up again, throwing things around the room, scrabbling for a filter so i can get a nicotine fix. i don't even know why i'm angry.i have a day off, which should be a good thing if i could calm down and make use of it. i'm a bit useless really.