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"i will show you... the greatest nightmare!"
i'm so tired, i wish i could sleep properly. too many bad dreams, mostly trying to escape from something terrible, that destroys people, with a mist of blood. fear, so much fear when i go to sleep, i wake up sweating and gasping to myself, until i lull back into the twisted world of reds and blacks, where faces are worn for fun, and everybody is an ( Read more... ) -
dizzy dizzy
today is a recovery day. this is how my life works. one day drinking, one day recovering. nothing much gets done on either day. not a terrible way of dealing with things no? i'm either too drunk to be aware, or too hungover to move. when bad things start to approach me... i pass out. so no harm done. still, it is not the best way to spend my time. ( Read more... ) -
sigh
awake again, at silly time in the dark, and not just not asleep but actually awake. i wish i could sleep properly ( Read more... ) -
today
is a new dawn, a new day, a new life... and i feel like shit. still yesterday is over and done with, and bonus, i don't have to see parents today due to too much snow. i can just collapse into bed again. fuck doing things. no, that's just not me. i should go do something. the house is a mess. i know my place. -
cold
taking out the bins is frustrating, there's so many already lying outside i have to put there. my hands gone numb. -
fool
have you learnt nothing. you're WRONG, as always. shut up, just shut the fuck up. you're a cunt. you let matters of miniscule proportion bother you to a point where it's a fucking joke.
paranoia and self loathing turned into persecution of another. well done. well fucking done. -
(Untitled)
my thought process seems absolutely malicious in black and white.
i'll keep it to myself from now on. -
mirror mirror on the wall, AAARGH
the mirrors are wrong again to day, i can't look at him.
makes brushing my teeth interesting. -
stupid brain
logically analysing things, and providing reasonable theories for what were moderately ungrounded insecurities.
i still feel unattractive. i think this is a combination of things. whenever she's talking to one of her friends, either on thte phone or in person, conversation always seems to turn to people she slept with. fun times. or, she's talking ( Read more... ) -
and if i eat THIS side of the mushroom...
i've grown. or shrunk. i feel out of place in my own body. awkward limbs. was the room always this big? i should go to bed, and sleep if i can. that or stare into space some more, until it all makes sense ( Read more... )