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get inside
it's harder to keep it all inside my head, i don't have the energy much these days to pretend. i'm worn out and tired. but i have to be good, as always, i'm a good boy, i don't do the bad things i want to, i do as i'm told, so people will be pleased ( Read more... ) -
another grey day
today is another grey day ( Read more... ) -
i'm a ghost
why try get better when i'm not really here? nobody would notice. -
ghost of a boy
i feel like i'm barely here. whether i'm feeling good or bad, makes little difference to this sense that i'm not affecting things. i might as well be a robot. or dead. can't sleep properly at night, watching every hour gone, get up, come back, until a fitful doze befalls me. then i wake up and everything feels wrong, it happened yesterday, so ( Read more... ) -
appointment
holy shit i actually made myself ring. now i have less than an hour ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
i couldn't do it, i got to the front of the shopping centre and just stood by a pillar, frozen to the floor, barely able to breathe, people everywhere, i had to run and hide, to get away, there's too many people out there, i don't feel safe. i'm disgusting, i shouldn't be here ( Read more... ) -
next sale
nearly time to go to work, and i'm feeling aprehensive, fearful. there's going to be lots of people, and i really don't want to deal with people, people scare me, and they're going to be everywhere, looking at me with digust and hostility in their eyes. i'm not sure i can do this, surround myself with the crowds of angry people. but i have to, i ( Read more... ) -
in control
it's the saddest thing in the world when someone you love looks at you with fear in their eyes. was it always this way? am i something to be feared? am i the stuff of nightmares? i feel disgusting, and this doesn't help ( Read more... ) -
multiple personalities?
it has been brought to my attention once again. i'm in control mostly. still, i hope the others stay where they are, at the back of the swirling murkiness. i'm not sure what's going on in here, but if others than me are noticing, then too much is going on. i should clamp down on this activity before it gets the better of me. simple innoccuous ( Read more... ) -
i'm actually a cunt
this is why i don't go socialise. it isn't good for me. i'm needed here and for once i stopped thinking that for a few short hours and now i've ruined everything. because that is what i do.