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Rich for a week
Starting this Saturday and ending the following Saturday I am going to be petsitting for some rich people who live in my town, about a ten minute bike ride from my place. I'll be watching their cute, easy dog and staying overnight at their insane house. I think these people are actual billionaires. They own the farmer's market I used to work at ( Read more... ) -
Movies I wish I could make
These are ideas for movies that I wish I could make, but I don't know how to do that ( Read more... ) -
Manchego cheese not actually a good substitute for cigarettes
Are you trying to quit smoking? If you are, bravo! You've made an excellent choice! Not only does smoking make you die and smell like shit, but it can also kill you until you are dead and rotting in the ground, with maggots eating your remains and pooping them out in your cavernous eye sockets of despair and filth. Quitting smoking is difficult ( Read more... ) -
Tracy
Last Thursday I was sitting home by myself while Mark was at the grocery store, drinking some wine and smoking some weed. I thought that I heard crying in my stairwell, but I ignored it. Then I heard a light tap at the door. I opened it up, and standing there in the dark hallway was my next door neighbor, wild eyed, and crying uncontrollably. ( Read more... ) -
Reviews
SMOKE SIGNALSThis was on Netflix, and the cover screamed "WATCH ME!" It depicted three Native American teenagers with strong nineties vibes (hemp necklaces, long hair parted in the center, tie dye shirts). It turns out that this movie was actually critically acclaimed because it is the only movie where the whole entire cast is Native American. ( Read more... ) -
Top 20 Romantic Comedies
As you may or may not know, I've been spending a lot of time watching romantic comedies these days. There is just something nice and comforting about the old familiar favorites, and then there is something new, exciting, and special about copping a nice rom-com freshie too! Like any genre, you definitely come across a lot of crap. For instance, ( Read more... ) -
Bad Breakfast
I have a desk job at a moving company.
FOREWARDIt was close to Christmas, and I walked into my cubicle about a half hour late, regretting my choices from the previous night. I was hungover and my throat was scratchy from having smoked too many drunk cigarettes. My hair smelled like smoke and dirty pillowcase, and I could have used an extra ( Read more... ) -
Reviews
ALONG CAME POLLYThis movie is from 2004, but I'd never seen it. A giant idiot that I once worked with was constantly quoting this flick, and she is the worst, so I should have known better, but I Pollied up anyway. I'm on such a rom com kick, and was snowed into my apartment anyway. Before I get into the meat of the movie and really rake it ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
It's been a while since I last posted because a) my life is pretty uninteresting on paper and b) any time I've actually wanted to write I've refrained because it would just be stream of consciousness complaining. But it's a new year, and I've taken some bong rips, and I decided that I really want to make an effort to write more reviews. So I'm ( Read more... ) -
Skit Idea
I have been sitting on a really great idea for a skit that I don't have the resources or know-how to actually make, so I'm just going to write about it here.
A father is driving a car with four children in it. The children are aged approximately four to ten, and they are all acting like shit. Two are fighting in the back seat. The youngest is ( Read more... )