i can't stop thinking of him. in my mind, the absence of the boy in question has taken me on this mental journey of longing for him and built him up so much that he is now like the brad pitt of my college experience. i crave him when in reality, he's just average. i went from admitting and accepting that i only hook up with him for a self esteem ( Read more... )

i ate too much today. i had a slice of pizza, way too much chocolate and a lot of sushi and a bunch of fruit juices. i did, however, manage to eat a bunch of fruit too, which makes me feel a little better but not much. i want to lose at least ten lbs by the time christmas break is over... i need to. i don't want to start purging because it made my ( Read more... )

it's like my conscious finally hit me all at one moment. all my life, my philosophy has been just live and don't think about consequences and now, it's all catching up to me. i feel stupid for hating myself so much and wanting to sit back and watch my demise and i feel even worse for the people that i've brought down with me. there's a very nice ( Read more... )

i've been pretty awful these past few days. i munch and nibble all day and i never touch fruits or vegetables anymore. there used to be days where i'd eat two apples a day and that was it and i want that back really badly. i can't wait to get back to college and just do what i need to do ( Read more... )

turkey sandwich .... maybe 400 calories?
half a bag of baked chips... 120 calories?
grapefruit.... 82 calories

no dinner please.

i don't know who i was kidding... i'm back again for the second time. i'm in college now and i just feel really undistinguished. the only difference between now and then is that this time i want to be this way. i want something to work on inwardly. i gained around 30 lbs this summer at my job and at school and while i know it doesn't look THAT bad ( Read more... )

im sick of sitting around enjoying feeling miserable. im not going to whine, i caused this myself. so that's why i haven't posted just in case you were curious. i don't want to be that girl who's constantly whining and bitching. i am incapable of handling my issues on my own but it's not fair to put them on anyone else ( Read more... )

woah let me work through this real quick.
calories burned today: 416
(9 am)calories eaten- 140 (nutrigrain bar)
(4 pm)snack for the day: 120 cals + 20 + 10 = 150
(7 pm)dinner: ummm 200 * 2 = 400

that's 174 calories for the day. i gained SO much weight at camp and it needs to come off ( Read more... )

1 grapefruit 70 cals
2 slices of bread 201
1 taco bell crunch crap 560
that's a total of 834 cals.
i worked off 290 in an hour and a half of yoga. -381 cals

for today, 453 cals.
considering that i ate nasty taco bell, this was pretty good but still. i could do so much better.

30 minutes of cardio pilates ( Read more... )