I'm getting very worried about my dear old Mum. Now I'll admit that she's always had a good line in slightly bizarre birthday and Xmas presents. My favourite being a leather wine carrier, which has, unsurprisingly never seen the light of day. I mean, when the hell would you use it and to what purpose ( Read more... )

And not in a good way. I've just repeatedly effectively praised the Labour Government of 1945, the most left-wing government this country has ever had by a country mile. And why? 'Cause Scot Ellison makes my brain bleed.

Someone pass me the wire wool and dettol.

I took the kids out shopping today *shudder*. Anyway, we went to buy some new school trousers. The back-to-school section in BHS was right next to the lingerie section. My 8-year-old spent the entire trip channeling Father Ted. If I heard "Daddy, we're lost in England's largest lingerie department" once, I hreard it a thousand times. I wouldn't ( Read more... )

My wife did her first shift as a teacher's assistant at our children's junior school today. They decided to start her with the 5-year-olds. "How did it go?" I asked innocently ( Read more... )

This is very hard for me to say, but ( Read more... )

So, last night I was talking to my 10-year-old son and trying to persuade him not to develop an aversion to snow-related activities just because he spent 7 seven hours stuck in a traffic jam. I explained that it was all the fault of the Council, rather than the snow itself, at which he looked thoughtful for a moment and then said, "You know, Daddy ( Read more... )

You remember I had an inflatable canoe? Bought it last summer ( Read more... )

It already seems like such a long time ago, but a wonderful time was had on Islay, despite the weather being so bad even the locals commented on it. In fact, rather charmingly, they kept apologising for it! Still, persistent rain and howling wind is such a fantastic excuse to repair to a distillery or pub with several hundred different malts behind ( Read more... )

Some of you may remember the wonderful True Christians Unite site, where one of my friends plied his trade as an octogenarian former military man with unreconstructed views on... well, pretty much everything. You may also have seen me post occasional updates on his latest work-avoiding project, the No Good Boyo blog. This is a rough approximation ( Read more... )

To my amazement, I have just received an invitation to the US ambassador's 4th July party. I have to wonder: with my reputation? What were they thinking?