The "real world" often seems like a game that I am losing because I refuse to play. There are things I should want, things that should motivate me, that just... don't. This lack of motivation may come from fear, and I accept that, but some of it, at least, comes from cognitive dissonance. The world doesn't seem fair to me. It all seems so contrived ( Read more... )

I don't care if you celebrate Easter. I don't care if you're Christian or Pagan or Muslim or Buddhist or Hindu or Jewish or an atheist or a Scientologist or if you worship the lint between your toes. There's a message in this day, this celebration, that is relevant to everybloody person on this planet. It is the idea that nothing is impossible, and ( Read more... )

I think myself into these downward spirals, but I know that I can also think my way out. I always have. It's how I'm still alive to write this. It gets easier to spot warning signs, but it doesn't get any easier to arrest the progress once a downward-spiral starts. I've had a bad few days ( Read more... )

( Pile of kittehs )

Like, a bazillion minutes ago, I requested an icon from the wonderful djinni (his website is here.) I forgot about it, and then poof, there it was in my inbox. This is my snow leopard "fursona"/spirit animal. The irony is, she hates snow. Because I hate snow. You might ask why, if I hate snow so much, do I have a snow leopard as a spirit animal? Well, ( Read more... )

Just downloaded a bunch of new music, and I'm bored, so here goes nothin'. No cheating, I swear!!

How does the world see me now?
"The Might of Rome" - Hans Zimmerman/Lisa Gerard, Gladiator OST

How do I see the world now?
"Sledgehammer" - Peter Gabriel

What do I most often dream about?
"Pet" - A Perfect Circle

Don't fret precious I'm here ( Read more... )

Writing a profile or an ad on a site like [OKCupid] is like navigating a minefield ( Read more... )

A psychosomatic illness is defined as a disorder having physical symptoms but having mental or emotional origins. In common usage, the word has come to mean "imaginary", synonymous with hypochondria (though hypochondria is in itself a serious mental illness.) This is misleading, since many psychosomatic symptoms can be substantiated through medical ( Read more... )

I'm at a friend's house in the same apartment complex JD and Dawn live in. The familiarity is doing me some good, but I'm still fighting anxiety 24/7. I am still having a lot of trouble eating. I'm annoyed at my mother calling twice a day to see if I'm ok, which automatically makes me less ok than if she didn't call ( Read more... )

...and then, cabbage happened. I know, it sounds stupid, but apparently cabbage and sausages were far too much for my recovering digestive system to handle. Remarkably, I didn't throw up, but I got very sick and my intestines tied themselves in knots. This led to a full-blown panic episode. My brain went all kinds of crazy places like, "what if it' ( Read more... )