Last night i was enjoying a smoke outside and a taxi stopped near a motorcycle. Then the cabbie starting teaching the passenger how to ride the bike. Also, the bike had a dead battery so the middle age cabbie had to push the bike 20 feet to kick in the engine. The passenger got to the corner of the street and the battery gave out again. Cabbie ( Read more... )

So this morning i walked outa my front door and made sure to close it tight because it doesn't normally close all the way. I proceeded to walk from my apartment to my car, i live in Chicago now if you didn't know, and i emptily reached in my pocket for my car keys. I mean my car/apartment/everything in my life keys. I quickly gathered that my ( Read more... )

( Fluids not covered in Hydraulics )

An ad for that new movie about the Temptations states, "Winner of five Golden Globe NOMINATIONS. UMMMMM..... I thought the term winning normally means that you won something. And to brag about recieving Golden Globe nominations, it's like bragging about getting perfect attendance in 7th grade or getting Coolio's autograph in the last ten years. ( Read more... )

So the other day my mom bluntly asked me if i washed my hands after indulging in a urination. I just didn't respond to this one as she lectured my dad and i on how disgusting she finds unbathed hands after wrestling with the fire hose. Actually, this was a pretty tame question from mom compared past inquires. Here's a brief history ( Read more... )

So i get a text from quinn today and i quote, "Rockette's tonight. 7:30pm. Free @ the rosemont. Txt me back or leave vmail immediately if interested." Hot damn, Quinn won free tix to the Rockette's from a radio station! Wait, do they do anything but kick in unison. I talked it up with coworkers, and apparently they sing and dance and eat and ( Read more... )

I checked my email to nonchalantly today to discover this gut retching titled email, "Remember the season with Cubs memorabilia." Yes, there is nothing i want to remember more than a disastrous baseball season that can only be describe as complete impotence. That's like having paying a photographer during my first prostrate exam ( Read more... )

Yesterday i visited anti-drug sites because i felt like a laugh and i stumbled into playing these extremely bias and hilarious anti-drug games. They're so fearmongering and unrealistic, just to give you guys a taste, one scenario you turn down drugs and find a wallet and get a $50 reward for returning it. I'm sure that happens all the time if you ( Read more... )

In the perfect forum of a debate on evolution, Noah's flood, and geology, by which this forum is a fantasy football message board, came my friend's Steve hypothesis that Noah's flood was caused by the meteor that killed the dinosaurs. He also took a critical view on geologist. So I relayed the post to my geology friend Tim(Fridge) who is also a ( Read more... )

The incumbent governer of Illinois is shaking in his pants at the thought of debating a Green Party candidate. Governor Blaggy cancelled the one debate that Whitney was invited to, and Blaggy accepted a debate that isn't respecting Green Party. So the only other debate left is in Chicago on October 26th sponsored by a chicago public tv station. ( Read more... )