Recs: Short SGA humor fic {For 14 Valentines}
There are times when I'm in the mood to read something funny, but I don't have a lot of time, or I just need a quick laugh to cheer me up a bit. That's the purpose of this recs list - short, funny Stargate Atlantis fics. I tried to be relatively broad in my definition, so the stories here range from cute and funny first-time fics to PWPs where they're falling in the mud to complete crack fic. So if you like funny stories, hopefully you'll find something here to enjoy!
Initially compiled for 14valentines, for Day 3: Health. After all, laughter is the best medicine!
Note: After consulting my f-list, I somewhat arbitrarily decided on a 2,500 word limit to count as a "short" fic.
Also note: Unless stated otherwise, all fic is McKay/Sheppard
List updated: May 13 (10 new fic recs, plus a few new sequels and podfics)
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New
Title: And the Green Grass Grows All Around
Author: bitter-crimson
Rating: R
Length: ~2,400 words
Genre: Earth AU, humor (crack), first-time
Summary: Rodney knew every secret, every trick of the trade, every rare folk remedy and every state-of-the-art technique. No-one could produce a better lawn than him, and they certainly could never, ever do it without even trying. And yet, that's what John my-hair-requires-its-own-fertilizer Sheppard appeared to be doing.
This is a delightfully funny Earth AU where Rodney is his usual perfectionistic self who gets an excessive amount of glee from crushing his competition. Only here, instead of the battleground being physics, it's lawn care. Yes, that's right, Rodney puts the might of his brain to be "a veritable god of lawn care." And then of course John comes along and...well, you'll just have to read it to find out. I will say that I'm tempted to try John's trick with the grass, just to see what happens. ;)
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Title: Anonymous
Author: toft-froggy
Pairings: McKay/Sheppard, implied Emmagan/Dex
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~1,400 words
Genre: Humor (sweet), first-time
Summary: "What the hell is the point of an anonymous valentine?"
Poor, inarticulate, clueless boys. This is a really sweet fic. My heart just went out to Rodney and how hurt he was by the whole process, but the author struck a nice balance and kept it from feeling too angsty. The last e-mail message that was sent was hysterically perfect.
Podfic: Read very nicely by the author and posted here.
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Title: Another Word for Optimism
Author: celli
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~1,000 words
Genre: Humor
Summary: In which Rodney has coffee, optimism, luck with Ancient tech, and absolutely no tact whatsoever.
Hee hee - this is a delightfully funny story. One day Rodney wakes up in a great mood and can't figure out why. When he does figure it out...well, see the summary re: his natural lack of tact.
Podfic: The story entry also includes a link to the podfic (read by the author).
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Title: Attack of the Giant Robot from Outer Space
Author: skoosiepants
Rating: R
Length: ~2,000 words
Genre: Humor (crack), first-time
Summary: John wants to hug it, and possibly use his tongue in inappropriate ways.
This story just cracks me up, because of course John is obsessed with robots. And what happens when you're obsessed with robots? One locks you in a storage closet with Rodney and Zelenka, of course!
"I will not hurt you," the robot repeats. "You may open the door."
Zelenka shouts, "Ha!" and Rodney hisses, "It's evil," and an evil robot forcing John to have sex with Rodney is one of his top ten all time favorite fantasies.
Granted, that isn't exactly the situation, but John has a pretty good imagination.
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Title: Bad Choice of Majors
Author: havocthecat
Pairing: Mostly gen, Willow/?
Rating: PG
Length: ~2,400 words
Genre: Crossover (SGA/Buffy), humor
Summary: Xander and Willow, meet the Atlantis expedition. Atlantis expedition, meet Xander and Willow.
Hysterical! Like most crossovers, you'll get the most out of this story if you're familiar with both SGA and Buffy, but I think it would still be funny without that knowledge. And the idea of Willow and Xander wandering around Atlantis is much too fun to pass up.
Podfic: Read by the author and posted here.
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New
Title: Boys of Summer
Author: scribblinlenore
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: PG
Length: ~1,500 words
Genre: Humor (sweet), first-time
Also recced in: Baseball themed
Summary: A trip to Yankee stadium
This fic is just delightfully fun - we get to see the boys having fun, and the level of detail really makes me feel like I'm in a baseball stadium. The writing itself is quite funny, the very idea of John checking out Derek Jeter's ass just cracks me up. The somewhat explicit baseball-related sex metaphors? Just an added bonus. :)
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Title: But Where Would They Live
Author: thingswithwings
Pairings: McKay/Sheppard, Emmagan/Dex
Rating: G
Length: ~2,700 words
Genre: Humor (crack), animal/natural phenomenon AU
Summary: Rodney is a unicorn, John is a rainbow, Teyla is a dolphin and Ronon is a spring breeze. And it's a love story.
Yes, this is a bit longer than my theoretical word limit, but it's just too funny to leave off this list. Yes, I know it sounds ridiculous, but you have to read it to believe it. Somehow she manages to make Rodney McKay into a unicorn and while you're reading it, it doesn't seem bizarre at all. Seriously, just go and read it. (It also spawned art by crysothemis, which is adorable and posted at the end of the story.)
Sequel: The Dreams That You Dare to Dream (Or, But What Would the Children Look Like?), G, ~1,700 words - I just don't know where to start. It's now unicorn/rainbow kidfic.
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Title: Check One
Author: rain-dances
Rating: PG
Length: ~1,800 words
Genre: Humor (sweet)
Summary: John gives Rodney a note.
So sweet. Oh boys. John's expressions throughout this fic are just too adorable for words. And yes, I could really see John proposing to Rodney via a note, instead of having to actually (cue ominous music) express his feelings!
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Title: Competitive Spirit
Author: lamardeuse
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~2,100 words
Genre: Humor, first-time
Summary: John takes a little longer to get it.
Drunk!Rodney will never not be funny. Drunk!Rodney telling Norina, "no matter how much you might be my ideal of womanhood, I have to admit that's not enough any more"? Priceless.
Podfic: Read by the author, here, and as always she does a very nice job. There's both an mp3 version and an audiobook version (compiled by cybel).
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Title: Crush
Author: soraya2004
Pairings: Pre-slash McKay/Sheppard & Ford/Beckett
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~2,200 words
Genre: Humor
Summary: The dangers of eavesdropping
Hysterically funny. And just when you think it's done? It gets even funnier! (Note: If you have a strong embarrassment squick, this will probably make you uncomfortable.)
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Title: The Day The Truth Serum Got In Everyone's Coffee
Author: sheafrotherdon
Pairings: Multiple pairings
Rating: R
Length: ~450 words
Genre: Humor (crack)
Summary: (See title)
Seriously, look at the title and the genre (and the author). What more do you need to know?
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New
Title: The Eternally Unnamed
Author: lavvyan
Rating: PG
Length: ~640 words
Genre: Humor (crack)
Summary: "Ketchup and peas don't go together"
Okay, this fic is really cracky, even given the standards of SGA fandom, which has an inordinate love for crack fic. Here, Rodney is a Canadian frozen pea, John is Sheppard's Premium Tomato Ketchup with the ATA™ (Amazingly Tomato-y Aftertaste) gene, and they meet on a plate. Yes, I did say "pea" and "ketchup." Really quite funny. The sequel (below) is interesting, if a touch disturbing, as John tries to protect Rodney from stomach acid in a way that sounds rather...sexual.
Sequel: Five Minutes Later, PG, ~300 words
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New
Title: The Fall of the Roman Empire
Author: rhymer23
Pairing: Gen
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~2,400 words
Genre: Earth AU ("Roman" times), humor (crack)
Summary: In all the scholarly debate about the fall of the Roman Empire, no historian has yet uncovered the role played by a certain speed-obsessed, bare-legged centurion, and a verbose hypocaust engineer called Rodneus. That story can now be told...
Really, the author-provided warnings describe the fic much better than I could: Extreme silliness. Latin. Italics. Naked legs. Sandals. Wanton destruction of the Roman Empire and the fourth wall. This fic just makes me laugh out loud every time I read it, seeing Rodney try to figure out how to conjugate in Latin, and John and Rodney having to restart the story eight times because they get caught up in snarking at each other. The fourth wall definitely gets a rather solid beating.
"Salve," the irritatingly-persistent man said again. "It’s Latin. It means 'hello'. The italics are to show it's in a foreign language."
"But we're speaking Latin now." Rodneus had never heard such idiocy in his life. "We're Romans. It's what we do."
"Yeah." The dark-haired man shrugged. "Beats me why we do it, too, but apparently it's the convention."
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Title: First Aid
Author: devildoll
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~1,000 words
Genre: Humor, first-time
Summary: "You could get blood poisoning!"
Rodney is just so earnest here, it's adorable. And the stealth!first-aid cracks me up every time.
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Title: Flyboys and Canadians
Author: seikaitsukimizu
Pairings Lorne/OMC, implied McKay/Sheppard
Rating: PG
Length: ~850 words
Genre: Humor
Summary: Never whistle while around Rodney McKay.
This is an interesting fic, because it starts out cute and kind of amusing, and then the humor just comes out of left field. But when it does? It had me howling with laughter.
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New podfic
Title: In the Jumper Bay
Author: damerel
Rating: NC-17
Length: ~1,500 words
Genre: Humor (crack)
Summary: a.k.a., RPS for Puddle Jumpers
Hee! RPS for puddlejumpers! NC-17 RPS for puddlejumpers! Puddlejumpers that sit around all day swapping sex stories about John and Rodney! Seriously, there's not much else I can say.
wihluta recently recorded this, and did a marvelous job distinguishing the different jumper voices. Posted here as an mp3 file.
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New
Title: It's Complicated
Author: zelempa
Rating: PG
Length: ~2,500 words
Genre: Humor
Summary: I encourage everyone, especially the senior staff, to create profiles on Facegate. :) "Facegate?" John repeated aloud, incredulous. "God, I know," moaned Rodney.
I'm not sure I can say much about this, except that the very idea of an Atlantis version of Facebook cracks me up, without any actual story needed. Luckily for me, the story itself is also pretty funny. How they each filled out their profiles was great, I absolutely think John would be very aggressively non-informative, and Rodney listing his rank and nickname as "God" was delightful. Add the touch of John-angst about their fuck-buddy relationship, and it's perfect.
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Title: It's Not Citrus
Author: nudaydreamer
Rating: NC-17
Length: ~1,200 words
Genre: Humor (crack), first-time
Summary: Ronon had clearly been brushing up on his Earth cuisine. "McKay, isn't that what doughnuts look like?" he asked.
Hahahaha! It's hysterical, but if I say too much it'll give it away. Suffice it to say that it's a very funny and original premise that's also well-written.
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Title: Knievel the Mighty and the Eye of the Gods
Author: lavvyan
Rating: R
Length: ~1,500 words
Genre: Humor, first-time
Summary: "You stole all the good stuff from WoW, didn't you?" "Shut up and play, Sheppard."
Perfect timing - this story was just posted for 14valentines's Day 2: Hunger, and it fits this category perfectly. The author does cracky humor very, very well, and this is no exception. The entire concept of Rodney creating an Atlantis version of World of Warcraft is funny enough, but it's really the details and references that take it to another level of hysterical. Also, you don't need to know anything about WoW except that it's a highly addictive on-line role-play/adventure game, and you can chat on-line and interact with other players while you're playing.
Knievel was slowly nearing his goal. He'd fought his way through the Temple of Doom and across the Mountains of Madness. He'd crossed the Fire Swamps and made it through the mines of Rura Penthe.
"I take it back. You stole all the good stuff from everywhere."
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Title: Mutually Assured Destruction
Author: shrift
Pairing: Gen
Rating: PG
Length: ~1,600 words
Genre: Humor
Summary: "You know," John paused and said as casually as he could, head cocked so he could see Rodney's white face in his peripheral vision. "With you holding on to me like this, if I blow up, you blow up."
Hee hee. This story always makes me snort with laughter - it's perfect for when you want a giggle. As I was reading through it for writing this rec, I kept finding more lines that I wanted to quote, because not only is it just a generally funny story, there are a bunch of great individual lines.
"What are you doing?" Rodney asked. He hadn't moved at all, which was good, because John liked him all in one piece.
"Trying to remember everything I know about land mines," John said. It wasn't much, because he was a pilot, and the general idea was, 'Don't land on them.'
"Don't land on the land mines." Great advice, John, thanks.
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Title: Old-Fashioned Fun
Author: devildoll
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~1,300 words
Genre: Humor, first-time
Summary: "Oh crap, they took my clothes."
John and Rodney are trapped naked in a cold jail cell. I wonder what happens?
"All right. We'll think of a way out," John said, sounding disgustingly chipper.
"And by 'we' you mean 'me,'" Rodney said.
"Well...."
"I don't have any tools or any equipment," Rodney reminded him. "I don't even have my *underwear*."
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Title: Pants on Fire
Author: yinfic
Rating: NC-17
Length: ~1,500 words
Genre: Humor, PWP, first-time
Summary: Rodney, who knows everything about almost everything most certainly does not know anything about this.
This is one of those rare PWPs that manages to be as funny as it is hot. It's Rodney's first time having sex with a man, and his internal reactions are hysterical and 100% Rodney.
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New
Title: Rodney McKay: Cat Lady of Atlantis
Author: mklutz
Pairing: Gen
Rating: G
Length: ~2,000 words
Genre: Animal transformation, humor
Also recced in: Animal transformation/AU
Summary: Rodney liked cats. He liked cats a whole lot, but John Sheppard was the most unhelpful cat he had ever met. John liked naps even more than Ronon did and being touched even less than Zelenka.
An adorable fic where people around Rodney keep getting turned into cats. The author does a very nice job of showing us the distinct personalities underlying the cat-like behavior.
Sequel: Belling the Cat: A Mensa AU Remix was also very interesting. It takes place in the Mensa AU universe (the universe that Rod from "McKay & Mrs. Miller" was from), and Rod is turned into a cat. Some of his observations are really interesting, both about cats and "our" Rodney. Gen, ~2,900 words, G
Cats don't have to be everyone's best friend, and no one expects a cat to be nice to everyone. Quite the opposite, they expect to have to earn the trust of a cat. Rod wonders if this is what the other McKay's life has been like, minus the warm monitor naps and the sudden compulsion to bathe several times a day. No pressure to conform, just brutal honesty.
Podfic: Both stories have podfics (mp3 versions) linked at the top of each fic (right below the adorable pictures), and podbooks have been made of them by cybel, and are posted at general_jinjur's audio site. Here's the original story podbook link, and the sequel.
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New
Title: Rodneysaurus
Author: vileseagulls
Pairing: Gen
Rating: G
Length: ~690 words
Genre: Animal transformation, humor (crack)
Also recced in: Animal transformation/AU
Summary: Rodney the plushie dinosaur
Just adorable. Rodney gets turned into a small dinosaur. Not just any small dinosaur, mind you, but a stuffed dinosaur. Imagining a little Rodney-looking stuffed T-rex gnawing on anything he can get his little claws on (coffee mugs, laptops, John's boxers) amuses me every time.
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New podfic
Title: An SGA Fairy-Tale
Author: lavvyan
Pairings: McKay/Sheppard, McKay/almost everyone
Rating: R
Length: ~2,400 words
Genre: Humor (crack), first-time
Summary: When Rodney complains that no one really gets him, a fairy helps him find his soul mate.
Rodney has a Pegasus match-making Tinkerbell on his shoulder, and John gets jealous. Adorable!
villainny recently recorded this, and managed to perfectly capture just how petulant John was during the whole thing. The mp3 file is posted here, and the podbook, compiled by cybel, is here, both hosted on general_jinjur's podfic site.
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New
Title: SPROING
Author: aesc
Rating: PG
Length: ~730 words
Genre: Humor
Summary: When John tells Keller to watch out for the rus wine at the Athosians' festival, he's speaking from experience.
This is a silly, adorable fic where Rodney's drunk and highly amused by John's hair. Because, you know, it goes "SPROING!" when you push it down. It was inspired by this video of Joe Flanigan at a con, describing the trials and tribulations faced by numerous hair and makeup people when directors have wanted his hair tamed. I definitely recommended checking out both the fic and the vid.
Sequel: Aptly named SPROING II includes an apology (of sorts) from Rodney, and is also very cute and funny. PG, ~530 words
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Title: Sugar
Author: yinfic
Rating: NC-17
Length: ~900 words
Genre: Humor, Earth AU
Summary: "It'll be a cold day in hell before I look to botanists for hookups."
This is a new perspective on oblivious!Rodney, and very cute.
Halfway through dinner, Rodney broke.
"You're probably the most attractive guy I've ever seen," he told John, eliciting a wide-eyed look. "And I'm pretty sure I like you as a person. So please try very hard not to hold it against me when I inevitably say or do something stupid, okay? Which should happen any time now."
Rodney thought things just might be okay when John laughed long and hard and clasped his hand on top of the table.
I think that sums up about 1/3 of the McKay/Sheppard fics out there. :)
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Title: There Is No Reason Why
Author: skoosiepants
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard, McKay/OFC
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~2,400 words
Genre: Humor (slight crack), first-time
Summary: Zelenka was as hysterical as a man could be without actually making any sounds, and John was not freaking out. He absolutely wasn't.
Ha! Oblivious!Rodney strikes again!
Dr. Stein was John's evil twin with breasts instead of a goatee, and John had serious doubts they could coexist peacefully between Daedalus runs.
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Title: True Colors
Author: yinfic
Rating: NC-17
Length: ~2,100 words
Genre: Earth AU, humor
Also rec'd in: Previously straight
Summary: John's been working at the salon for about two months when the new guy gets hired.
Part of Yin's "Crack AUs" series, and very cute. The Rodney here is very sure of himself, both professionally and personally, which is nice to see. Plus, just the idea of them as hairdressers is pretty darn funny.
"You are so fucking hot," Rodney says, his wine sitting untouched on the table.
"I'm straight," John says.
"I can fix that," Rodney replies.
Sequel: True Confessions, G, ~300 words - "It's a big step," Rodney says. "I don't want you to feel pressured."
Podfic: Yin has recorded all of her "Crack AU" series (as well as a number of other stories), and I highly recommend them, both for the overall quality of the stories and her marvelous reading voice.
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Title: Truth in Advertising
Author: devildoll
Rating: PG
Length: ~1,000 words
Genre: Humor, first-time
Summary: "Luxury cabin, my ass!"
The contrast between what John was seeing in the cabin and what Rodney was complaining about was cute and well-done. The author perfectly captured Rodney's tendency to bluster when he's nervous, and John's ability to cut through it.
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New
Title: When John Met Rodney
Author: bethynyc
Pairings: McKay/Sheppard, Emmagan/Dex
Rating: PG
Length: ~1,300 words
Genre: Animal AU, humor (crack)
Also recced in: Animal transformation/AU
Summary: Three years after Ronon and Teyla started dating, the city offered to buy him out to make room for the Second Avenue Subway. Teyla's two bedroom condo in Chelsea was already a familiar second home. This caused the first major problem in their relationship. Introducing the cats.
This is an adorable fic. The basic premise is that John and Rodney are both cats, owned by Teyla and Ronon. And at first, they don't quite like each other. I liked the characterizations of Teyla and Ronon, and John and Rodney translated perfectly into their cat personalities.
Sequel: Just Another Day in New York, PG-16, ~2,800 words - John pressed his nose to the wire. "You don't understand. There's prey out there!" Also adorably cute, and Rodney's reactions were pitch-perfect, both for a cat and for human!Rodney. Be sure to look for a cameo by yinfic's John from Walk This Way.
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New
Title: With Feathers
Author: aesc
Rating: PG
Length: ~1,600 words
Genre: Animal AU, humor (crack)
Also recced in: Animal transformation/AU
Summary: Every winter it's the same story: John tries to lead them across the field, over the river, and up the hill through the forest, but the snow blankets every convenient landmark, piling in drifts over the stone walls and bushes and even the long flat path the humans have made.
This is another complete AU where Rodney and John (and a number of other Atlantis characters) are Meleagris gallopavo silvestris (a.k.a. wild turkeys) living in New England. I really enjoy well-done crack fic, so I was delighted at the very premise of the story, and it managed to even go beyond my expectations. The sequel (below) is also delightful, and perfectly translated human!Rodney's scientific curiosity into turkey!Rodney's curiosity about humans and their bright orange coats. In both fics, I really got the sense of seeing the world through the eyes of a turkey, and in general the author did a very nice job of translating the personality characteristics we know from the human characters into their animal counterparts. Also? It's so clear that in whatever incarnation, John will do whatever he can to protect Rodney. ::scritches their heads fondly::
John's been obsessed with climbing to the top of the crabapple tree and balancing on very delicate limbs, flapping his wings while he tosses crabapples down. Usually Rodney has something to say about John's incredible carelessness, but, well, it's crabapples. Rodney loves crabapples.
Sequel: A Bird of Courage, G, ~570 words - John, like the rest of the flock, recognizes that Rodney is very, very smart, even for a Meleagris gallo-whatever, but there are times when John wonders exactly how smart.
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New sequel
Title: 8 Ways Not To Write A Fanfic
Author: cupidsbow
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~1,700 words
Genre: Crack/fanfiction.net parody
Summary: (See title)
One day cupidsbow spent a little too much time on fanfiction.net, and this is the result. One McKay/Sheppard fic with 8 parts, each encompassing a particular way that fanfic can make your eyes bleed (songfic, over-the-top melodrama, etc). Reading it will make you *very* glad that you have avenues of finding fic other than fanfiction.net.
And if that wasn't punishing enough, now there's a sequel! With 6 you get Unicorns thoughtfully examines makes blatant fun of even more ways people can write badly, including liberal use of Mary Sues, gratuitous use of unicorns, and the many, many different words for penis. NC-17, ~2,000 words
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Pants/No-pants, or That Particular Month: In March 2007, runpunkrun decided to see if she could write a short ficlet every day that month. Because they were short by design, and because when she goes for humor she's hysterically funny, there are a whole bunch from that month that fit into this 'short and funny' category. Thus, I thought it'd make sense for them to have their own little section.
New podfic
Reflecting how much of SGA fandom enjoyed runpunkrun's That Particular Month, we got another surprise in March 2008 when anatsuno decided that she was going to read all of the ficlets aloud, and post one each day. Personally, I'm so impressed that a) she read all of them!, b) she was a touch late on only a few, and c) she did a really nice job of reading them, even with the time crunch. They were posted daily at sgapodfic, but if you want to download a bunch of them, it'd probably be easier to go to general_jinjur's audio site, where they're organized by tag.
Title: The Astrophysicist's Guide to Sex Toys
Rating: NC-17 (severe lack of pants)
Length: ~1,000 words
Genre: Humor (crack), PWP
Summary: Sheppard's like a kid in some kind of store.
"Check it out," John says, breaking into Rodney's happy time and dangling a package of hot pink, sparkly, Hello Kitty handcuffs in front of him.
Title: Casual
Rating: PG-13 (civilian pants)
Length: ~950 words
Genre: Humor (sweet)
Summary: Rodney's sweatshirt is soft and worn.
More sweet than funny, but it's so adorable that I couldn't resist.
And then there's Rodney's ass, a perennial favorite. The sweatshirt hides it from view, but the sway of Rodney's hips is hypnotic and John zones out a little, watching the sweatshirt as it twitches back and forth while Rodney walks.
Title: Equinox
Rating: PG (pants on)
Length: ~1,400 words
Genre: Humor
Summary: Sheppard, drunk and conferring with the flowers.
"Rodney," Sheppard says in his ear, "I've fallen and I can't get it up." He giggles.
Rodney frowns and keys his radio. "Sheppard? Where are you?"
"Drunk!" says Sheppard. "And lost," he adds, sounding sad and confused. "The flowers are talking to me."
Title: Industrial Arts
Rating: NC-17 (semi-pantsless)
Length: ~1,100 words
Genre: Humor, PWP, first-time
Summary: The important thing is that Rodney has a wrench and John's lurking in the doorway, staring at his ass.
"What?" Rodney says, giving John a quick once over. John shifts uncomfortably and Rodney immediately identifies his problem. "This?" Rodney says, waving at himself with the wrench. "Oh my god, you're like a teenage girl! How did you even survive shop? Or did you take home ec instead? How does the whole world not know you're gay?"
Title: A Lorentzian Slip of the Tongue
Rating: NC-17 (no pants)
Length: ~2,200 words
Genre: Humor (crack), first-time
Summary: Rodney isn't a Freudian.
"-- best blowjob of my life," McKay's saying as they step out onto the rocky terrain of PX4-610.
John nearly runs into the MALP. "Excuse me?"
"Oh," says McKay, even as he's pulling out his life signs detector and taking a look around. "That sounded interesting. I wonder what I was talking about."
Title: Lovesick: Unable to act normally
Rating: R (touching through pants!)
Length: ~700 words
Genre: Humor, first-time
Summary: It may be impairing his judgment. Just a little.
And here's the crux of the problem. Crazy mud-covered aliens can tell he's gay just by looking at him, but Rodney's still operating on the (false) assumption that just because John smiles at girls means he likes to fuck them.
Title: Planet of the Muddy Apes
Rating: R
Length: ~550 words
Genre: Humor, PWP, straight!John, first time
Summary: Their pants are a total loss.
Rodney grabbed him by the tac vest, yanked him in until they were nose-to-nose, and hissed, "We are so having sex when we get back to Atlantis. I don't care how straight you think you are."
Title: The Slave Trade
Rating: PG (all pants on)
Length: ~2,200 words
Genre: Humor (crack)
Summary: Sheppard's gone and gotten himself enslaved again.
When the king's guards return Colonel Sheppard to them, he's wearing a collar. He's also stoned out of his mind. "Oh, crap," Rodney says, "not again."
Title: Tabled
Rating: R
Length: ~550 words
Genre: Humor (crack)
Summary: In Atlantis, the tables can hear you scream.
I am a finely calibrated instrument! I could calculate your mass within a zeptolark! I've won awards, many many --
Dmrmckay's squishy bits press against the table top.
Ew
Art! With labels! Here! By steammmpunk, rated "Pants mostly on (SGA ate my shame)."
Sequel: T2T, G, ~350 words - The secret life of furniture.
Initially compiled for 14valentines, for Day 3: Health. After all, laughter is the best medicine!
Note: After consulting my f-list, I somewhat arbitrarily decided on a 2,500 word limit to count as a "short" fic.
Also note: Unless stated otherwise, all fic is McKay/Sheppard
List updated: May 13 (10 new fic recs, plus a few new sequels and podfics)
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New
Title: And the Green Grass Grows All Around
Author: bitter-crimson
Rating: R
Length: ~2,400 words
Genre: Earth AU, humor (crack), first-time
Summary: Rodney knew every secret, every trick of the trade, every rare folk remedy and every state-of-the-art technique. No-one could produce a better lawn than him, and they certainly could never, ever do it without even trying. And yet, that's what John my-hair-requires-its-own-fertilizer Sheppard appeared to be doing.
This is a delightfully funny Earth AU where Rodney is his usual perfectionistic self who gets an excessive amount of glee from crushing his competition. Only here, instead of the battleground being physics, it's lawn care. Yes, that's right, Rodney puts the might of his brain to be "a veritable god of lawn care." And then of course John comes along and...well, you'll just have to read it to find out. I will say that I'm tempted to try John's trick with the grass, just to see what happens. ;)
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Title: Anonymous
Author: toft-froggy
Pairings: McKay/Sheppard, implied Emmagan/Dex
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~1,400 words
Genre: Humor (sweet), first-time
Summary: "What the hell is the point of an anonymous valentine?"
Poor, inarticulate, clueless boys. This is a really sweet fic. My heart just went out to Rodney and how hurt he was by the whole process, but the author struck a nice balance and kept it from feeling too angsty. The last e-mail message that was sent was hysterically perfect.
Podfic: Read very nicely by the author and posted here.
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Title: Another Word for Optimism
Author: celli
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~1,000 words
Genre: Humor
Summary: In which Rodney has coffee, optimism, luck with Ancient tech, and absolutely no tact whatsoever.
Hee hee - this is a delightfully funny story. One day Rodney wakes up in a great mood and can't figure out why. When he does figure it out...well, see the summary re: his natural lack of tact.
Podfic: The story entry also includes a link to the podfic (read by the author).
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Title: Attack of the Giant Robot from Outer Space
Author: skoosiepants
Rating: R
Length: ~2,000 words
Genre: Humor (crack), first-time
Summary: John wants to hug it, and possibly use his tongue in inappropriate ways.
This story just cracks me up, because of course John is obsessed with robots. And what happens when you're obsessed with robots? One locks you in a storage closet with Rodney and Zelenka, of course!
"I will not hurt you," the robot repeats. "You may open the door."
Zelenka shouts, "Ha!" and Rodney hisses, "It's evil," and an evil robot forcing John to have sex with Rodney is one of his top ten all time favorite fantasies.
Granted, that isn't exactly the situation, but John has a pretty good imagination.
~~~~~
Title: Bad Choice of Majors
Author: havocthecat
Pairing: Mostly gen, Willow/?
Rating: PG
Length: ~2,400 words
Genre: Crossover (SGA/Buffy), humor
Summary: Xander and Willow, meet the Atlantis expedition. Atlantis expedition, meet Xander and Willow.
Hysterical! Like most crossovers, you'll get the most out of this story if you're familiar with both SGA and Buffy, but I think it would still be funny without that knowledge. And the idea of Willow and Xander wandering around Atlantis is much too fun to pass up.
Podfic: Read by the author and posted here.
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New
Title: Boys of Summer
Author: scribblinlenore
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: PG
Length: ~1,500 words
Genre: Humor (sweet), first-time
Also recced in: Baseball themed
Summary: A trip to Yankee stadium
This fic is just delightfully fun - we get to see the boys having fun, and the level of detail really makes me feel like I'm in a baseball stadium. The writing itself is quite funny, the very idea of John checking out Derek Jeter's ass just cracks me up. The somewhat explicit baseball-related sex metaphors? Just an added bonus. :)
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Title: But Where Would They Live
Author: thingswithwings
Pairings: McKay/Sheppard, Emmagan/Dex
Rating: G
Length: ~2,700 words
Genre: Humor (crack), animal/natural phenomenon AU
Summary: Rodney is a unicorn, John is a rainbow, Teyla is a dolphin and Ronon is a spring breeze. And it's a love story.
Yes, this is a bit longer than my theoretical word limit, but it's just too funny to leave off this list. Yes, I know it sounds ridiculous, but you have to read it to believe it. Somehow she manages to make Rodney McKay into a unicorn and while you're reading it, it doesn't seem bizarre at all. Seriously, just go and read it. (It also spawned art by crysothemis, which is adorable and posted at the end of the story.)
Sequel: The Dreams That You Dare to Dream (Or, But What Would the Children Look Like?), G, ~1,700 words - I just don't know where to start. It's now unicorn/rainbow kidfic.
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Title: Check One
Author: rain-dances
Rating: PG
Length: ~1,800 words
Genre: Humor (sweet)
Summary: John gives Rodney a note.
So sweet. Oh boys. John's expressions throughout this fic are just too adorable for words. And yes, I could really see John proposing to Rodney via a note, instead of having to actually (cue ominous music) express his feelings!
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Title: Competitive Spirit
Author: lamardeuse
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~2,100 words
Genre: Humor, first-time
Summary: John takes a little longer to get it.
Drunk!Rodney will never not be funny. Drunk!Rodney telling Norina, "no matter how much you might be my ideal of womanhood, I have to admit that's not enough any more"? Priceless.
Podfic: Read by the author, here, and as always she does a very nice job. There's both an mp3 version and an audiobook version (compiled by cybel).
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Title: Crush
Author: soraya2004
Pairings: Pre-slash McKay/Sheppard & Ford/Beckett
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~2,200 words
Genre: Humor
Summary: The dangers of eavesdropping
Hysterically funny. And just when you think it's done? It gets even funnier! (Note: If you have a strong embarrassment squick, this will probably make you uncomfortable.)
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Title: The Day The Truth Serum Got In Everyone's Coffee
Author: sheafrotherdon
Pairings: Multiple pairings
Rating: R
Length: ~450 words
Genre: Humor (crack)
Summary: (See title)
Seriously, look at the title and the genre (and the author). What more do you need to know?
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New
Title: The Eternally Unnamed
Author: lavvyan
Rating: PG
Length: ~640 words
Genre: Humor (crack)
Summary: "Ketchup and peas don't go together"
Okay, this fic is really cracky, even given the standards of SGA fandom, which has an inordinate love for crack fic. Here, Rodney is a Canadian frozen pea, John is Sheppard's Premium Tomato Ketchup with the ATA™ (Amazingly Tomato-y Aftertaste) gene, and they meet on a plate. Yes, I did say "pea" and "ketchup." Really quite funny. The sequel (below) is interesting, if a touch disturbing, as John tries to protect Rodney from stomach acid in a way that sounds rather...sexual.
Sequel: Five Minutes Later, PG, ~300 words
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New
Title: The Fall of the Roman Empire
Author: rhymer23
Pairing: Gen
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~2,400 words
Genre: Earth AU ("Roman" times), humor (crack)
Summary: In all the scholarly debate about the fall of the Roman Empire, no historian has yet uncovered the role played by a certain speed-obsessed, bare-legged centurion, and a verbose hypocaust engineer called Rodneus. That story can now be told...
Really, the author-provided warnings describe the fic much better than I could: Extreme silliness. Latin. Italics. Naked legs. Sandals. Wanton destruction of the Roman Empire and the fourth wall. This fic just makes me laugh out loud every time I read it, seeing Rodney try to figure out how to conjugate in Latin, and John and Rodney having to restart the story eight times because they get caught up in snarking at each other. The fourth wall definitely gets a rather solid beating.
"Salve," the irritatingly-persistent man said again. "It’s Latin. It means 'hello'. The italics are to show it's in a foreign language."
"But we're speaking Latin now." Rodneus had never heard such idiocy in his life. "We're Romans. It's what we do."
"Yeah." The dark-haired man shrugged. "Beats me why we do it, too, but apparently it's the convention."
~~~~~
Title: First Aid
Author: devildoll
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~1,000 words
Genre: Humor, first-time
Summary: "You could get blood poisoning!"
Rodney is just so earnest here, it's adorable. And the stealth!first-aid cracks me up every time.
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Title: Flyboys and Canadians
Author: seikaitsukimizu
Pairings Lorne/OMC, implied McKay/Sheppard
Rating: PG
Length: ~850 words
Genre: Humor
Summary: Never whistle while around Rodney McKay.
This is an interesting fic, because it starts out cute and kind of amusing, and then the humor just comes out of left field. But when it does? It had me howling with laughter.
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New podfic
Title: In the Jumper Bay
Author: damerel
Rating: NC-17
Length: ~1,500 words
Genre: Humor (crack)
Summary: a.k.a., RPS for Puddle Jumpers
Hee! RPS for puddlejumpers! NC-17 RPS for puddlejumpers! Puddlejumpers that sit around all day swapping sex stories about John and Rodney! Seriously, there's not much else I can say.
wihluta recently recorded this, and did a marvelous job distinguishing the different jumper voices. Posted here as an mp3 file.
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New
Title: It's Complicated
Author: zelempa
Rating: PG
Length: ~2,500 words
Genre: Humor
Summary: I encourage everyone, especially the senior staff, to create profiles on Facegate. :) "Facegate?" John repeated aloud, incredulous. "God, I know," moaned Rodney.
I'm not sure I can say much about this, except that the very idea of an Atlantis version of Facebook cracks me up, without any actual story needed. Luckily for me, the story itself is also pretty funny. How they each filled out their profiles was great, I absolutely think John would be very aggressively non-informative, and Rodney listing his rank and nickname as "God" was delightful. Add the touch of John-angst about their fuck-buddy relationship, and it's perfect.
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Title: It's Not Citrus
Author: nudaydreamer
Rating: NC-17
Length: ~1,200 words
Genre: Humor (crack), first-time
Summary: Ronon had clearly been brushing up on his Earth cuisine. "McKay, isn't that what doughnuts look like?" he asked.
Hahahaha! It's hysterical, but if I say too much it'll give it away. Suffice it to say that it's a very funny and original premise that's also well-written.
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Title: Knievel the Mighty and the Eye of the Gods
Author: lavvyan
Rating: R
Length: ~1,500 words
Genre: Humor, first-time
Summary: "You stole all the good stuff from WoW, didn't you?" "Shut up and play, Sheppard."
Perfect timing - this story was just posted for 14valentines's Day 2: Hunger, and it fits this category perfectly. The author does cracky humor very, very well, and this is no exception. The entire concept of Rodney creating an Atlantis version of World of Warcraft is funny enough, but it's really the details and references that take it to another level of hysterical. Also, you don't need to know anything about WoW except that it's a highly addictive on-line role-play/adventure game, and you can chat on-line and interact with other players while you're playing.
Knievel was slowly nearing his goal. He'd fought his way through the Temple of Doom and across the Mountains of Madness. He'd crossed the Fire Swamps and made it through the mines of Rura Penthe.
"I take it back. You stole all the good stuff from everywhere."
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Title: Mutually Assured Destruction
Author: shrift
Pairing: Gen
Rating: PG
Length: ~1,600 words
Genre: Humor
Summary: "You know," John paused and said as casually as he could, head cocked so he could see Rodney's white face in his peripheral vision. "With you holding on to me like this, if I blow up, you blow up."
Hee hee. This story always makes me snort with laughter - it's perfect for when you want a giggle. As I was reading through it for writing this rec, I kept finding more lines that I wanted to quote, because not only is it just a generally funny story, there are a bunch of great individual lines.
"What are you doing?" Rodney asked. He hadn't moved at all, which was good, because John liked him all in one piece.
"Trying to remember everything I know about land mines," John said. It wasn't much, because he was a pilot, and the general idea was, 'Don't land on them.'
"Don't land on the land mines." Great advice, John, thanks.
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Title: Old-Fashioned Fun
Author: devildoll
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~1,300 words
Genre: Humor, first-time
Summary: "Oh crap, they took my clothes."
John and Rodney are trapped naked in a cold jail cell. I wonder what happens?
"All right. We'll think of a way out," John said, sounding disgustingly chipper.
"And by 'we' you mean 'me,'" Rodney said.
"Well...."
"I don't have any tools or any equipment," Rodney reminded him. "I don't even have my *underwear*."
~~~~~
Title: Pants on Fire
Author: yinfic
Rating: NC-17
Length: ~1,500 words
Genre: Humor, PWP, first-time
Summary: Rodney, who knows everything about almost everything most certainly does not know anything about this.
This is one of those rare PWPs that manages to be as funny as it is hot. It's Rodney's first time having sex with a man, and his internal reactions are hysterical and 100% Rodney.
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New
Title: Rodney McKay: Cat Lady of Atlantis
Author: mklutz
Pairing: Gen
Rating: G
Length: ~2,000 words
Genre: Animal transformation, humor
Also recced in: Animal transformation/AU
Summary: Rodney liked cats. He liked cats a whole lot, but John Sheppard was the most unhelpful cat he had ever met. John liked naps even more than Ronon did and being touched even less than Zelenka.
An adorable fic where people around Rodney keep getting turned into cats. The author does a very nice job of showing us the distinct personalities underlying the cat-like behavior.
Sequel: Belling the Cat: A Mensa AU Remix was also very interesting. It takes place in the Mensa AU universe (the universe that Rod from "McKay & Mrs. Miller" was from), and Rod is turned into a cat. Some of his observations are really interesting, both about cats and "our" Rodney. Gen, ~2,900 words, G
Cats don't have to be everyone's best friend, and no one expects a cat to be nice to everyone. Quite the opposite, they expect to have to earn the trust of a cat. Rod wonders if this is what the other McKay's life has been like, minus the warm monitor naps and the sudden compulsion to bathe several times a day. No pressure to conform, just brutal honesty.
Podfic: Both stories have podfics (mp3 versions) linked at the top of each fic (right below the adorable pictures), and podbooks have been made of them by cybel, and are posted at general_jinjur's audio site. Here's the original story podbook link, and the sequel.
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New
Title: Rodneysaurus
Author: vileseagulls
Pairing: Gen
Rating: G
Length: ~690 words
Genre: Animal transformation, humor (crack)
Also recced in: Animal transformation/AU
Summary: Rodney the plushie dinosaur
Just adorable. Rodney gets turned into a small dinosaur. Not just any small dinosaur, mind you, but a stuffed dinosaur. Imagining a little Rodney-looking stuffed T-rex gnawing on anything he can get his little claws on (coffee mugs, laptops, John's boxers) amuses me every time.
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New podfic
Title: An SGA Fairy-Tale
Author: lavvyan
Pairings: McKay/Sheppard, McKay/almost everyone
Rating: R
Length: ~2,400 words
Genre: Humor (crack), first-time
Summary: When Rodney complains that no one really gets him, a fairy helps him find his soul mate.
Rodney has a Pegasus match-making Tinkerbell on his shoulder, and John gets jealous. Adorable!
villainny recently recorded this, and managed to perfectly capture just how petulant John was during the whole thing. The mp3 file is posted here, and the podbook, compiled by cybel, is here, both hosted on general_jinjur's podfic site.
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New
Title: SPROING
Author: aesc
Rating: PG
Length: ~730 words
Genre: Humor
Summary: When John tells Keller to watch out for the rus wine at the Athosians' festival, he's speaking from experience.
This is a silly, adorable fic where Rodney's drunk and highly amused by John's hair. Because, you know, it goes "SPROING!" when you push it down. It was inspired by this video of Joe Flanigan at a con, describing the trials and tribulations faced by numerous hair and makeup people when directors have wanted his hair tamed. I definitely recommended checking out both the fic and the vid.
Sequel: Aptly named SPROING II includes an apology (of sorts) from Rodney, and is also very cute and funny. PG, ~530 words
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Title: Sugar
Author: yinfic
Rating: NC-17
Length: ~900 words
Genre: Humor, Earth AU
Summary: "It'll be a cold day in hell before I look to botanists for hookups."
This is a new perspective on oblivious!Rodney, and very cute.
Halfway through dinner, Rodney broke.
"You're probably the most attractive guy I've ever seen," he told John, eliciting a wide-eyed look. "And I'm pretty sure I like you as a person. So please try very hard not to hold it against me when I inevitably say or do something stupid, okay? Which should happen any time now."
Rodney thought things just might be okay when John laughed long and hard and clasped his hand on top of the table.
I think that sums up about 1/3 of the McKay/Sheppard fics out there. :)
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Title: There Is No Reason Why
Author: skoosiepants
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard, McKay/OFC
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~2,400 words
Genre: Humor (slight crack), first-time
Summary: Zelenka was as hysterical as a man could be without actually making any sounds, and John was not freaking out. He absolutely wasn't.
Ha! Oblivious!Rodney strikes again!
Dr. Stein was John's evil twin with breasts instead of a goatee, and John had serious doubts they could coexist peacefully between Daedalus runs.
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Title: True Colors
Author: yinfic
Rating: NC-17
Length: ~2,100 words
Genre: Earth AU, humor
Also rec'd in: Previously straight
Summary: John's been working at the salon for about two months when the new guy gets hired.
Part of Yin's "Crack AUs" series, and very cute. The Rodney here is very sure of himself, both professionally and personally, which is nice to see. Plus, just the idea of them as hairdressers is pretty darn funny.
"You are so fucking hot," Rodney says, his wine sitting untouched on the table.
"I'm straight," John says.
"I can fix that," Rodney replies.
Sequel: True Confessions, G, ~300 words - "It's a big step," Rodney says. "I don't want you to feel pressured."
Podfic: Yin has recorded all of her "Crack AU" series (as well as a number of other stories), and I highly recommend them, both for the overall quality of the stories and her marvelous reading voice.
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Title: Truth in Advertising
Author: devildoll
Rating: PG
Length: ~1,000 words
Genre: Humor, first-time
Summary: "Luxury cabin, my ass!"
The contrast between what John was seeing in the cabin and what Rodney was complaining about was cute and well-done. The author perfectly captured Rodney's tendency to bluster when he's nervous, and John's ability to cut through it.
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New
Title: When John Met Rodney
Author: bethynyc
Pairings: McKay/Sheppard, Emmagan/Dex
Rating: PG
Length: ~1,300 words
Genre: Animal AU, humor (crack)
Also recced in: Animal transformation/AU
Summary: Three years after Ronon and Teyla started dating, the city offered to buy him out to make room for the Second Avenue Subway. Teyla's two bedroom condo in Chelsea was already a familiar second home. This caused the first major problem in their relationship. Introducing the cats.
This is an adorable fic. The basic premise is that John and Rodney are both cats, owned by Teyla and Ronon. And at first, they don't quite like each other. I liked the characterizations of Teyla and Ronon, and John and Rodney translated perfectly into their cat personalities.
Sequel: Just Another Day in New York, PG-16, ~2,800 words - John pressed his nose to the wire. "You don't understand. There's prey out there!" Also adorably cute, and Rodney's reactions were pitch-perfect, both for a cat and for human!Rodney. Be sure to look for a cameo by yinfic's John from Walk This Way.
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New
Title: With Feathers
Author: aesc
Rating: PG
Length: ~1,600 words
Genre: Animal AU, humor (crack)
Also recced in: Animal transformation/AU
Summary: Every winter it's the same story: John tries to lead them across the field, over the river, and up the hill through the forest, but the snow blankets every convenient landmark, piling in drifts over the stone walls and bushes and even the long flat path the humans have made.
This is another complete AU where Rodney and John (and a number of other Atlantis characters) are Meleagris gallopavo silvestris (a.k.a. wild turkeys) living in New England. I really enjoy well-done crack fic, so I was delighted at the very premise of the story, and it managed to even go beyond my expectations. The sequel (below) is also delightful, and perfectly translated human!Rodney's scientific curiosity into turkey!Rodney's curiosity about humans and their bright orange coats. In both fics, I really got the sense of seeing the world through the eyes of a turkey, and in general the author did a very nice job of translating the personality characteristics we know from the human characters into their animal counterparts. Also? It's so clear that in whatever incarnation, John will do whatever he can to protect Rodney. ::scritches their heads fondly::
John's been obsessed with climbing to the top of the crabapple tree and balancing on very delicate limbs, flapping his wings while he tosses crabapples down. Usually Rodney has something to say about John's incredible carelessness, but, well, it's crabapples. Rodney loves crabapples.
Sequel: A Bird of Courage, G, ~570 words - John, like the rest of the flock, recognizes that Rodney is very, very smart, even for a Meleagris gallo-whatever, but there are times when John wonders exactly how smart.
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New sequel
Title: 8 Ways Not To Write A Fanfic
Author: cupidsbow
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~1,700 words
Genre: Crack/fanfiction.net parody
Summary: (See title)
One day cupidsbow spent a little too much time on fanfiction.net, and this is the result. One McKay/Sheppard fic with 8 parts, each encompassing a particular way that fanfic can make your eyes bleed (songfic, over-the-top melodrama, etc). Reading it will make you *very* glad that you have avenues of finding fic other than fanfiction.net.
And if that wasn't punishing enough, now there's a sequel! With 6 you get Unicorns thoughtfully examines makes blatant fun of even more ways people can write badly, including liberal use of Mary Sues, gratuitous use of unicorns, and the many, many different words for penis. NC-17, ~2,000 words
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Pants/No-pants, or That Particular Month: In March 2007, runpunkrun decided to see if she could write a short ficlet every day that month. Because they were short by design, and because when she goes for humor she's hysterically funny, there are a whole bunch from that month that fit into this 'short and funny' category. Thus, I thought it'd make sense for them to have their own little section.
New podfic
Reflecting how much of SGA fandom enjoyed runpunkrun's That Particular Month, we got another surprise in March 2008 when anatsuno decided that she was going to read all of the ficlets aloud, and post one each day. Personally, I'm so impressed that a) she read all of them!, b) she was a touch late on only a few, and c) she did a really nice job of reading them, even with the time crunch. They were posted daily at sgapodfic, but if you want to download a bunch of them, it'd probably be easier to go to general_jinjur's audio site, where they're organized by tag.
Title: The Astrophysicist's Guide to Sex Toys
Rating: NC-17 (severe lack of pants)
Length: ~1,000 words
Genre: Humor (crack), PWP
Summary: Sheppard's like a kid in some kind of store.
"Check it out," John says, breaking into Rodney's happy time and dangling a package of hot pink, sparkly, Hello Kitty handcuffs in front of him.
Title: Casual
Rating: PG-13 (civilian pants)
Length: ~950 words
Genre: Humor (sweet)
Summary: Rodney's sweatshirt is soft and worn.
More sweet than funny, but it's so adorable that I couldn't resist.
And then there's Rodney's ass, a perennial favorite. The sweatshirt hides it from view, but the sway of Rodney's hips is hypnotic and John zones out a little, watching the sweatshirt as it twitches back and forth while Rodney walks.
Title: Equinox
Rating: PG (pants on)
Length: ~1,400 words
Genre: Humor
Summary: Sheppard, drunk and conferring with the flowers.
"Rodney," Sheppard says in his ear, "I've fallen and I can't get it up." He giggles.
Rodney frowns and keys his radio. "Sheppard? Where are you?"
"Drunk!" says Sheppard. "And lost," he adds, sounding sad and confused. "The flowers are talking to me."
Title: Industrial Arts
Rating: NC-17 (semi-pantsless)
Length: ~1,100 words
Genre: Humor, PWP, first-time
Summary: The important thing is that Rodney has a wrench and John's lurking in the doorway, staring at his ass.
"What?" Rodney says, giving John a quick once over. John shifts uncomfortably and Rodney immediately identifies his problem. "This?" Rodney says, waving at himself with the wrench. "Oh my god, you're like a teenage girl! How did you even survive shop? Or did you take home ec instead? How does the whole world not know you're gay?"
Title: A Lorentzian Slip of the Tongue
Rating: NC-17 (no pants)
Length: ~2,200 words
Genre: Humor (crack), first-time
Summary: Rodney isn't a Freudian.
"-- best blowjob of my life," McKay's saying as they step out onto the rocky terrain of PX4-610.
John nearly runs into the MALP. "Excuse me?"
"Oh," says McKay, even as he's pulling out his life signs detector and taking a look around. "That sounded interesting. I wonder what I was talking about."
Title: Lovesick: Unable to act normally
Rating: R (touching through pants!)
Length: ~700 words
Genre: Humor, first-time
Summary: It may be impairing his judgment. Just a little.
And here's the crux of the problem. Crazy mud-covered aliens can tell he's gay just by looking at him, but Rodney's still operating on the (false) assumption that just because John smiles at girls means he likes to fuck them.
Title: Planet of the Muddy Apes
Rating: R
Length: ~550 words
Genre: Humor, PWP, straight!John, first time
Summary: Their pants are a total loss.
Rodney grabbed him by the tac vest, yanked him in until they were nose-to-nose, and hissed, "We are so having sex when we get back to Atlantis. I don't care how straight you think you are."
Title: The Slave Trade
Rating: PG (all pants on)
Length: ~2,200 words
Genre: Humor (crack)
Summary: Sheppard's gone and gotten himself enslaved again.
When the king's guards return Colonel Sheppard to them, he's wearing a collar. He's also stoned out of his mind. "Oh, crap," Rodney says, "not again."
Title: Tabled
Rating: R
Length: ~550 words
Genre: Humor (crack)
Summary: In Atlantis, the tables can hear you scream.
I am a finely calibrated instrument! I could calculate your mass within a zeptolark! I've won awards, many many --
Dmrmckay's squishy bits press against the table top.
Ew
Art! With labels! Here! By steammmpunk, rated "Pants mostly on (SGA ate my shame)."
Sequel: T2T, G, ~350 words - The secret life of furniture.