I feel like everything I'm doing, I'm doing in a daze. I don't want to do anything. Work, household duties, phone calls, socialization -- I want nothing to do with any of it. It all seems like too much to handle, even though I know I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. I don't know where to picture myself anymore when I think about the ( Read more... )

I woke up this morning with a feeling of foreboding. It was gray and gloomy outside; I could hear the occasional raindrop hit the windowpanes. The lack of sunlight filtering in through the blinds made it feel much earlier than nine o'clock. The cat, who had been sleeping beside me, yawned, stretched, and licked my hand in a morning greeting. ( Read more... )

It's been ages since I last posted a single photo, and I'd like to start where I left off. This set was taken when Brian and I were living in Illinois the first time around, under much less favorable conditions ( Read more... )

Things with Brian are much, much, MUCH better. I've been trying as hard as I can to see things from his point of view, to be the best girlfriend I can possibly be, and to constantly display, in small ways as well as overt ones, just how much I love him. We haven't fought since I posted the last entry, actually -- we've had nothing but clear, open ( Read more... )

I've been trying very, very, very hard not to admit this to myself, but I can no longer live in denial. I'm having problems in my relationship, and I hate so much to say that. It's hard to explain the problems, but I'm going to give it my best shot. I haven't spoken a word about any of this to anyone, and I'm starting to feel like a powder keg ( Read more... )

It's so hard, trying to pick a spot that will be my home for the next five years. I want to go back to school, and I want to do it sooner rather than later, which means I can't keep jumping around like I have been. And once I'm in said semi-permanant location, I'll need to hang around for a year or two before I even start school to gain residency ( Read more... )

Life has, in a way, returned to normal. Or, at the very least, semi-normal. I know it's been ages since I updated...I haven't had internet access in so very long. I was beginning to feel permanantly removed from the world in which I live ( Read more... )

It's hard to realize that your parents, the people who raised you, the people who were responsible for your health and safety and emotional well-being during the first eighteen years of your existence, are sometimes so unintelligent. It sucks when you can start to see how they create their own problems, how they would be better off if they could ( Read more... )

I've got a vicious illness -- not sure quite what it is, but it's affecting my head, my chest, my stomach, my entire body. Even my brain feels vacant and fuzzy, and my thoughts swirl around unconnected in the vast empty space that used to contain valuable information. I called in to work this morning -- no problem there, as they've known I've ( Read more... )

2006...Jesus fucking Christ. What a mess it was. What a mistake. So much of it was so horrible. Some nights, as I'm right on the brink of falling asleep, I shudder awake in sudden panic, having started to dream that I'm back in certain places and situations, feeling so vulnerable, so afraid. The relief when I discover I'm safe in my own bed in ( Read more... )