this is the 1st race, with the exception of the time i sprained my ankle, that i havent finished. funny thing, i ran over 5 miles yesterday. its a terrible feeling, not finishing, i have this huge mental block when it comes to races ( Read more... )

it seems that whenever i put an immense amount of work into something it never works out, never pays off. so then it gets into your head "why bother?".

we had a meet at MSU today; pretty easy course, not all that challenging. everyday this week i ran over 5 miles, if not 6; i stayed on the split times devantier wanted me at. i start the race today ( Read more... )

i know what i want right now.  i want my life to be like the last scene of the graduate.  the scene where benjamin and elaine have just sat down on the bus, they look through the window behind them, at the people and things they're leaving behind.  and then they're both looking forward, thinking about whats to come; it seems neither of them quite ( Read more... )

so school's back in action. the black eye's swelling down, and is becoming less plum purple. the first two days i wore my big sunglasses to cover the eye. there was a great deal of people who thought i was wearing them because i had a hang over or am one of those people who think its quite cool to wear sunglasses inside. they shut up when you ( Read more... )

i got in a car accident on sunday ( Read more... )

everything around me seems to be moving so fast, i dont even know how i got where i am. everythings changing, and all i want to do is stay in this summer forever ( Read more... )

late last night i just kept crying, and crying after that; it seemed to be the only thing that would be an immediate problem-solver. i should have never had faith in the goodness of humanity. the funny thing is: i just kept re-instilling that faith.

now... no faith. humanity sucks.

i've let the same people hurt me for far too long.

i was given the suggestion to write when everything was to the point of insanity. well for my mind they reach that wensday night. and so i wrote. and the most substantial thing i came up with that night was ( Read more... )

so i've found the problem. the problem i knew all along. i live in the past all the time. i'm constantly having this notion i can rewind life, change things. i actually convince myself. i'm well aware we all do this; but for me it becomes too much. it seems i can never fully get over alot of stuff, as if i never got proper closure. but then ( Read more... )

so i've always thought of myself as a supposed risk taker. to me its always seemed that i've been pretty straight forward when it comes to boys and such. well there's this guy i've known over a year, we've been friends, not close, but friends. i've always had underlying feelings, not really that large. so i hung out with him for a few hours ( Read more... )