so today i am a little bit up. dont know why. i always like working with tammy, but that couldnt be enough. who knows? the new influx (yes, influx) of interest could be. but doubtful. it causes surface happiness, but this is something deeper. in my core that area that was burning last week. it isnt burning any more, its bubbling, boiling. boiling ( Read more... )

18 hours. nearly an entire day. it is possibly be more. 9:00 is an early estimate, it might be closer to 9:30. but still, losing 18 hours of sleep lost weekly, and only gaining two or three hours on my nap a week doesnt quite cut the mustard. i am gaining a tolerance from my liquid boosts (coffee/amp). i knew it would happen, i tried not to use ( Read more... )

i am returning to normal. today i almost was back to my old self. just a couple of times (passings in the hall mostly) did feel a slight pain. only slight, but present. this is completely new ground for me. this is the first time i experienced the pain. i guess previously i expected it, allowed my self to prepare and then dull the pain. they say a ( Read more... )

the narrator from "neutral tones" ... Angel from Tess ... both these people are decidedly nut cases. but i cant help but draw comparisons between them and me. I shared many of the narrator's thoughts and feelings this week. those have been markedly reduced in the past 24 hours or so, but reading it tuesday i thought i was the one who wrote it. Mrs ( Read more... )

so here i am. single again. for all the scenarios i had played out in my head. and it was the first one that played through. oh well. i have been single before. been single most of my life. all of my life really. but i dont know. having that exclusive person. that one to call your own. that one that you were theirs. the person who when you were ( Read more... )

yesterday i was talking about the worst way to wake up (which has to be when byron was woken up by mrs simonette three inches away from his face). i had a rather rude awakening this morning: its 3 o'clock, i was dreaming about poop in one way or another (and remarkably, that wasnt enough to wake me up... sometimes i wonder about my subconscious) ( Read more... )

a strange thing has happened, i no longer care... well i do, but that yearning to talk has subsided. at this point it would be nice to hear what happened, but its not as pressing as it was a couple hours ago. ya know, those girls from ohio... they know their stuff. i give a simple/dumbed down version of my perdicament, and she comes up with the ( Read more... )

i have no idea whats going on. it seems as though she just wanted to go back to the way thins were... too late! after something like that, its impossible to go back to the way things were. but there is a possibility. as small a chance as it may be. that something still might come of it. i just need to know whats going on. whatever the decision was ( Read more... )

"So I Need You"

If you could step
into my head, tell
Me would you still know me
If you woke up in my bed,
Tell me then would you hold me
Or would you simply let it lie,
Leaving me to wonder why
I can’t get you out of this head
I call mine
And I will say
Oh no I can’t let you go,
My little girl
Because you’re holding up my world,
So I need you
Your imitation of ( Read more... )

been over, and over, been over this before

so this is what i have been reduced to? i never thought i could be like this. i never promised myself i wouldnt. it was more like an unsaid agreement with myself. but actually avoiding me? at least talk to me. let me know you need some time alone. gah, i wish i had some more angry music... all mine ( Read more... )