no way. no way. no way. none of this can be real.

is it a problem that the only time i'm relaxed and happy is when i'm stoned?
no, no, definatly not.

so much for being sober.

I couldn't even start to say, all the words that I mean
the more I think about it, the more they seem obscene
you grabbed me by the heart and pulled me in near
you said "i'll never hurt you, I love you, my dear"
I fell into your trap and stupid I was proved
but now that it's over I simply feel soothed
for you taught me so much about being myself
even if ( Read more... )

hahah wow sorry about that last entry. i was really pissed and upset at the moment. i guess i just had to let it out. i've been sober for 3 weeks from everything besides xanax. and from everything including xanax for 9 days. i keep forgetting that i'm trying this hole sober thing though haha. new years is gonna suckkk.

I'm sick of fucking smiling even when I'm not happy. Laughing to hide that inside I'm being torn apart. I feel like I put on such an act for people because in the past my depression has been a downer to the people around me. I'm still fucking depressed I'm just better at hiding it. That's the problem. It never went away. I tricked everyone into ( Read more... )

you are too much like a drug to me.
no longer what I want, just what I think I need.
why would I leave when I could waste away with you?

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't leave
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make ( Read more... )

I never love anyone fully ( Read more... )

wow. two years ago today was the worst day of my life. i can't believe it's already been two years. part of me feels like it was last week and the other part feels like it was a lifetime ago. it's amazing how much I have changed and grown since and because of this day.

this morning was my godmothers funeral mass. it was nice. last night was a " ( Read more... )

I was so happy to be sitting in my living room reading a book when my Godfather that I haven't seen in years walks into my house ( Read more... )