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So FYI I'm still, like, existing.
I have glasses now! -
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It's Christmas time again, which means FAMILY
FAMILY
OH, HOW MY FAMILY WILL ONE DAY BE THE DEATH OF ME
My cousins are popping out children left right and centre. I'm the only childless woman left in the family. My cousin was pregnant by the time she was my age, and I don't mean in a Jerry Springer way (wrong side of the family you're thinking of there ( Read more... ) -
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On Friday last week I got fired from my job - the job I've been trying to quit for about a month. My supervisor said that because they knew I was looking for a new job anyway, they might as well let me go now; and I can't say I was overly disappointed. I made my Donald Trump face and did the 'you're fired' python thing with my hand to try to ( Read more... ) -
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Things I can't do at my desk when I'm sharing my office with the Commercial Manager for the day:- Look at porn
- Shut the door and eat copious amounts of donuts
- Talk to myself
- Give myself a manicure
- Use the phone to place follow-up calls for jobs I've applied for
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"People" who have sent spam to my work email address:- Heinwise Coole
- Books Tricks
- IraqPM York
- CD Johnathan
- Porntip
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It's late at night and I'm sitting on the steps of the theatre, waiting for my father to arrive. For those of you who have not seen the back of the theatre, it's little more than a set of scary metal steps leading down from the stage door in to a dimly-lit carpark. Beyond the carpark is a field, then a wooded area then a lake. Oh no, I don't mind ( Read more... ) -
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What I Did On Saturday Night:- Watched three episodes of Can't Get a Date
- Watched a few minutes of The Virgan Diaries
- Wondered if the universe was trying to tell me something
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Of all the things I thought I'd be doing today, I didn't think that I would have to decide whether my genitals look more like a flower or a cactus.
To get to the bathrooms in this particular restaurant, one must walk away from the main seating area, up a corridor and in to a little foyer. There are two doors - one for women, and one for men. On one ( Read more... ) -
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Maya pushes my head back in to the basin. "Are you here for a colour and cut, or just a cut?"
"Cut and blow-dry." I say, water splashing on to my temples.
"Fabulous."
She runs her fingers through my hair, wringing it and squeezing it before adding shampoo. I always shut my eyes when they wash my hair. For as long as I've been coming here, there have ( Read more... ) -
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A few Winters ago, I bought a mauve tweed coat. It was snuggly, warm and comfortable, everything one needs in a coat and more. Itwas rather expensive at the time, but it was an investment, I decided. I wore it all through the Winter of 2003 and 2004, and even though I put it away during 2005 I got it back out this year, only to discover pockets ( Read more... )