I feel more at peace
about some things.
some friendships are now mended
& it makes me soo much happier.
big sigh of relief.

but I have another thing 
weighing on my mind.
which shouldnt even be on my mind
i feel like such a fuck up
& i feel kinda sick to my stomache.
its lame.
i need to fix this
somehow...
man....
i always seem to fuck things up
when everything ( Read more... )

life has a funny way of turning things around on you.
at the drop of a hat, anything can change.

todays the 4th of july
I have no freakin plans.
alex stayed over last night =]
that was a nice suprise.
man i love him.
i think this relationship will really go somewhere.
hmmm.

so i was suposed to go camping
or to a cabin of some sort
from the 7th till the 14th
( Read more... )

well where to start...
basically
you can only say something so many times
and stress your point
til your blue in the face
& some ppl still wont get it.

you can run yourself in circles
again & again
til you find that in this circle
the exit was in front of you
the entire time.
*sigh*

some lessons are harder to learn
then others.
& alot of times
you have to go ( Read more... )

this is gettin ridiculous
some ppl never learn
who was true & who wasnt
& isnt or wont ever be.
you will soon see
just like i did...
its great to know
<3

I guess some ppl who i had been kickin it with
dont really know me
like i thought they did.
they think im fake or use ppl
or whatever the case.
think again
thats not me at all.
I cant stand ppl like that.
uggggh
hella lame.
but its their loss
<3

I can handle my own.
havent been able to in the past
but im learning
oh so quick
who to trust
& who not to etc.

=]
that is alllll
<3

Nothing will ever be perfect.
nor will anyone around you.
no matter how hard you look.
It sucks.
but its how things are.

You think im fake?
you call me a liar
ill show you one
ill hand you a mirror
and put your face in it.
& if you still dont get it.
im showing you whats up.
take a better look at yourself.
maybe you put the blame
on others
cuz you dont realize
its ( Read more... )

Times are changing.
i was sobver for basically
a year...
minus like
2-3 shots that entire time.
but a few nights ago
i drank a bit
& partied.
then last night
it happened.
i found myself
drinking cup after cup
of vodka & oj
it was quite interesting.
it felt like old times...
i dont know if i like it or not.

but i have a feeling
summer is gonna be
full of drinking
( Read more... )

I love him.
i know i write this alot
but i really do.
i have never felt this strongly
about anyone ive dated.

there was only one other person
ive felt this close to
& I didnt date him.
it was totally different.
*sigh*

"lets make this last foreverrr"

so tomorrow i got work
3-6
i feel like
its gonna take foreverrrr

hopefully gettin cheap tacos
& who knows what else.
( Read more... )

breakfast at the elks yesterday.
w. the fam & bf
then off to galt to see more fam
& chilll
then home
@ like 10pm

brew,liz & jen
came over
& we got it hella crackin.
from like 11:30-4am
it was nuts.
i actually drank again.
dont ask why
or how they convinced me to.
but us chicks ended up
in skirts
w/ blacklifghts on
& flashy ones
hella dancing & singing
& taking pics.
& ( Read more... )