Last night I attended a Book Club meeting sponsored by the women in the church. It was so enjoyable! That is the first time I have laughed in ages. I made arrangements to start knitting premie hats to give to the local hospitals. I need something worthwhile to do, and I am so bored everyday. I need something to do with my hands because I am home ( Read more... )

I feel terrible today. My mind is circling around the same old thing - I am so tired. I don't think it will ever stop. It slows down when I am depressed, but it never really stops. I am getting worse, and feel powerless to stop my decline. I feel so lost. So cut off from the real world. Maybe the caffeine is a mixed blessing; bringing my mood up, ( Read more... )

It is 8:00 pm and I am bored. I have hours, and hours, and hours to try and fill with something. I am still not well enough to think about looking for a job. I don't know if I will ever be able to work outside of our home ( Read more... )

It is 9:00 pm and I have three hours to fill before bedtime. I just returned home from the quilting group at church. Who knew I would like quilting?! I have never been very crafty, but for some reason I find quilting soothing. I think it is the comraderie of the group that I enjoy the most ( Read more... )

I feel good today. When I feel this good, it is hard to imagine that I can get so far down. I am "returning" to my Christian faith, after becoming diselusioned (sp?) with how convoluted my thoughts became due to mental illness. Now I am trying to seperate 3 decades worth of ideas, behaviors and actions that have been intertwined with Christianity ( Read more... )

I am upbeat again today. It feels sooo good for the depression to be gone. How I wish I could stay like this all of the time. It would be so nice to be able to plan ahead with confidence. When will the next attack come? Who knows ( Read more... )

I am up today and working on listing several items on ebay. I have sold 2 items so far, so I am hopeful. I talked to Barb last night for nearly an hour! I was trying to keep the conversation down to 10 minutes, but I kept crying and she kept talking! It really helped me and so today I prepared some simple cards with what I think and feel when ( Read more... )

I am more upbeat today. I decided to follow my therapists advice and stop vegetating. I have been sleeping 18 hours a day and watching TV non-stop when awake. So I turned off the TV, set my alarm clock and "lived" today. I remembered something I had read about caffeine helping with depression so I went out early this morning and bought some coffee ( Read more... )

I haven't thought about suicide in months. In fact I can't remember when I last gave it any serious thought. But tonight...the facts just seem to support calling it a day. I'm almost 50 years old, and my life is over. My kids are all grown, and don't need me (not that I have anything worthwhile to contribute to their lives anyway) I don't like what ( Read more... )

It is 11:30 p.m. and I'm back to bored and depressed. Today I ate the t-type diet and sat around, watched "Sweet Home Alabama" with David, and took a nap. Other than watering some of the plants and getting cleaned up, that was the extent of my day. I feel nothing. Flat. Oh I also learned how to put an item on Ebay to sell. I registered my vacuum ( Read more... )