Fic: Beat Your Love Out Of My Chest (6/?)
Title: Beat Your Love Out Of My Chest
Author:
claire_kay
Rating: PG-13. Sticking to that even though Adam has a pretty filthy mouth in this one.
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Beta:
cpt_untouchable - << everyone should buy cookies for. :)
Summary: You can convince yourself time has healed, but the scars still show. Sequel to If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It. Which if you would like to read, you can find it HERE
Notes: HI. See that wasn't too long a wait was it? lol. ahm not many notes to say on this I am just going to post it and run away.... ooh thank you again for the comments. *huggles you all* they have made me smile because I've been sick the last few days. Harry Potter tomorrow though! eeps. who's excited? ME ME ME!! anyway... enjoy :)
Disclaimer: Danny Gokey owns Kris and Adam his just letting me play with them ;).... okay he doesn't really they belong to themselves blah di blah...
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Beat Your Love Out Of My Chest
Chapter Six: Wire To Wire
Adam could literally feel Kris everywhere, hovering over him, invading his space, his hands guiding their way across his body, mapping out every inch of skin. As Kris's hands found new places to touch, to provoke new responses in Adam, Adam felt as though he was falling over the edge, losing grip on his resolve.
The protest was right on his lips, ready to be spoken, but Kris seemed a step ahead of him, able to predict just what Adam was going to do next. Kris’s mouth was on his then, silencing everything Adam tried to say, shutting down every coherent thought.
When they broke apart, Adam heard his own whimper of disappointment echo through the room, breaking the silence, pleading for Kris to continue. Kris's breath was warm against his face, kisses trailing from his eyelids down to his jaw and then his voice was a soft whisper in his ear.
“I'll just hurt you again, you know...”
Adam jerked awake, the last image of Kris poised above him fading as his head spun and his heartbeat thundered through his chest. He breathed in deeply and shut his eyes tight.
Just a fucking dream. Another dream. Adam opened his eyes. It was dark in the room and his eyes tried to adjust as he searched around with his hands trying to figure out exactly where he was. He felt across the soft material on the bed and over to the bedside table where he fumbled across his cell phone, picked it up and squinted at the time. 3am.
The last thing he remembered was grouping everyone together for pictures, Matt and Danny falling over, and laughter coming at him from every corner of the room. He was still wearing the ugly plaid shirt he had borrowed from Danny and he pulled at it, suddenly feeling constricted by the heavy material.
He threw it across the room blindly and lay back down. Even though he’d closed his eyes he still felt like the room was spinning and there was a familiar ache in his chest, like he’d been gasping for breath when there was none. He clutched the material of the t-shirt he’d worn beneath Danny’s plaid and breathed in and out slowly, feeling the tension begin to ease.
He was slipping back under to sleep when Kris’s face was suddenly there again in his mind, this time full of concern and pain and desperation… He sat up again, quickly. He remembered Kris in front of him asking to talk, Adam pushing past him or at least trying, a tight grip on his arm and then a hot wave of panic.
Shit. Kris had been there. The one thing that Adam had been trying to hide from everyone was now out in the open and Kris was there and knew. He remembered hearing the panic in Kris's voice as he asked Danny what was going on, and that everything else around him had seemed frantic, but he hadn't cared because he was slipping under, oblivious to it all.
His eyes were adjusting to the darkness and he looked around the room trying to make out if anyone else was with him, remembering that the last time Danny had been present for an attack he’d gotten so freaked out that he refused to let Adam out of his sight. But he still couldn't make anything out, it was all a dim blur and he knew he had way too much alcohol to blame for that.
He reached over to the bedside table again, flicking on the small lamp to throw some light into the room. He shut his eyes, squinting as the brightness stung them, then blinked quickly and looked around, searching for something familiar. This wasn't his room. It was similar in design and the furniture matched his own, but it wasn't his.
The guitar propped by the door gave it away, because he knew that guitar. He didn't look for any other signs before he was off the bed on unsteady legs. He had to hold onto the wall to regain enough composure to try to make it out of here and back to his room.
“The door’s locked.”
He startled, turning around too quickly and it sent his head spinning again. Kris was sitting on the floor in the corner of the room, looking directly at Adam. Adam turned back to the door, fumbling with the lock before trying to pull the door open.
“It locks with a key.”
“Well, open it then,” Adam spat angrily. He wondered why, exactly, he was here with Kris; why Danny or Matt or anyone for that matter would have thought it was a good idea for Kris, of all people, to make sure he was okay. He didn't need or want anyone fucking looking after him. He just wanted to get out.
“No.”
Adam turned again to face Kris, the dizziness now gone completely in the face of the anger flooding through him. He walked steadily towards Kris, hand held out.
“Give me the key.”
“No.”
Kris was calm, his expression unreadable. He stood up slowly, edging his way closer to Adam. “I've only just gotten rid of Matt and Danny outside the door and you think I'm going to let you walk out without talking to me?”
Adam shook his head, disbelieving. He knew he could be overdramatic but he couldn't quite believe Kris had resorted to locking him in a room with him just so they could talk.
“I don't have anything else to say to you, Kris.”
Kris's bridged the distance so quickly that Adam had barely finished speaking before Kris was standing right in front of him, calmly composed. “Fine, then you can listen. But first of all, you tell me what that was downstairs.”
Adam shrugged. “I drank too much.”
“Bullshit.”
Adam’s jaw knotted. “It was nothing, alright?”
Kris sighed heavily. “Danny said it was a panic attack. He was telling Allison, she was scared... we all were...”
“Danny needs to keep his mouth shut.”
“How long have you been having them?”
Days, weeks, years.. Ever since you left me. Adam shrugged again, trying to downplay everything and keep it under the surface long enough for Kris to realise there was no point in this. If Adam could see so clearly that this was a losing battle then why couldn't Kris?
“How long, Adam?” Kris voice was soft and he stepped even closer until there was barely any space between them. Adam felt Kris' hand warm on his arm and he snapped it away, brushing past Kris to get as far away as he could in the small space.
“What do you want from me, Kris? Do you even care?”
“Of course I fucking care!” That was all it took for Kris’s composure to break into anger and desperation. Adam didn't want to see this. He didn't want to think of Kris worrying about him, wanting to know if he was okay. “I need to know if this is my fault, Adam... you aren't the same... I mean it's still you but it feels like there's this part of you that I don't know. That I'm missing.”
“Well you haven't been in the last three years of my life, Kris. You made your choice and you kept your promise, you stayed away. This is what you wanted. And people change, you know? If I've changed because of what happened with you then it’s none of your fucking business anymore. You took yourself out of my life and that was your choice, not mine.”
The pain etched across Kris's face after his words were almost too much for Adam. He wanted to look away and ignore the fact that he’d hurt Kris. And he wanted nothing more than to look at him and see his pain, and enjoy watching Kris feel it. He was completely fucking conflicted and it wasn't like him. He shouldn't have said any of it but it was too late to take any of it back.
Kris looked defeated and tired. “I thought I was doing the right thing. You're so much stronger than I am, Adam, and I had this whole life that meant so much to me and the thought of losing it... I was so scared of that, and...”
Kris stumbled over his words and Adam was glad. He wanted to block it out because he didn't need to hear this. He didn't want to hear it.
“Walking away from you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I was so selfish, Adam, because I just wanted to keep you but I wanted everything else to stay the same and I knew it wasn't fair to you. I thought I was doing the right thing. I never understood why you wanted me anyway, and I wanted you to find someone who deserved you. I didn't. I wasn't brave enough to be what you needed.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Adam's voice broke as he spoke. He just wanted Kris to be quiet because this wasn't going to change anything.
“I need you to know that it wasn't you. It was me. You deserved so much more than what I could give you. I loved you, Adam...”
“But not enough.”
Adam's words were sharp and this time he didn't care if they stung. He couldn't believe that Kris was so fucking stupid that he couldn't see that his confessions were only making everything worse.
“You loved me, but not enough to be with me. Do you think that makes it easier? It doesn't take away all the fucking pain, does it Kris. Do you really believe that telling me it’s all your fault and that you weren't strong enough actually matters to me? I would have taken you with every single fault because I loved you. I would have waited as long as you needed to before we told anyone...” He paced away, shoving his hands into his thick, black hair. “Even after all this time you’re still making excuses. You didn't choose me because I'm complicated and messy and you wanted something simple that wouldn't taint your perfect little image.”
Kris threw his arms up, his voice rising as he spoke. “You don't think I've had my own pain? I've had to convince myself for the last three years that I made the right choice when everything inside of me was screaming that I hadn't. I had to sit there and listen to Katy and my family talk about all these plans that I couldn't have been interested in if I tried, because all I could think about was you! Every time you’ve been on the radio or TV I've had to watch them sneer and turn it off and listen to the fucking things they mumble about you under their breath. You don't know what it's been like for me... every time I saw you… All those times you'd look at me like I was a stranger, watching you leave with some random guy -- and I know its all my fault because I chose this, but… I didn't know. I didn't understand what I was giving up...”
“Stop it. Just fucking stop it.”
Adam couldn't look at Kris anymore, trying to get out everything he needed to say, like this was the last time he would ever get to speak to Adam. But Adam didn't want to think about this, he didn't want to picture Kris in a world where everything had been hard for him. Where he had been in just as much pain as Adam had. It had already been such a struggle for Adam to try and hate Kris. Hate would be the normal thing to feel, he thought, but it had never gotten that far. There was only anger, frustration and sleepless nights and never feeling worthy and these confessions only made it harder to hate Kris.
He literally couldn't stand it. Kris looked like he was ready to break and fall to the ground and how the hell was Adam supposed to be the one who picked him up when he couldn't even keep himself in check?
The silence seemed to drag on and Adam wanted out of this damn room. It was suffocating him and so was Kris with his wide eyes bright with tears. It didn't even matter if Adam closed his eyes, Kris was still fucking there, his broken face pleading with him to somehow make things right.
“I've been just getting through each day. The best time is when I've been touring, that's the only time I ever felt free of it... free of guilt from staying with Katy but not really wanting to be there and of having left you. It was easier to forget on tour, caught up in all of it.” Kris lowered his head, finally breaking his eyes away from Adam the shame apparent in his voice.
“It was easy, Adam... to just forget about her... forget that I had someone waiting for me because I didn't need to think about, I didn't want to think about -- I can't believe this is what I've come to. I'd get back and Katy would be waiting for me, smiling and just so fucking happy to see me and I didn't care. She's such a good person and she doesn't deserve it, and over the years I've watched her fall further away from me. I didn't even try until it was too late... I tried to fix things and be there for her but she was already gone. I lost her a long time ago...”
Adam's temper was flaring up again and he just wanted Kris to stop talking. He was ready to break down the fucking door if he had to because he couldn't hear anymore without having to comfort Kris, and there was no way he would do that.
Then Kris was crossing over to where Adam was standing, and he was cornered in because the door was halfway across the room, not to mention locked. He stepped backwards as Kris moved forward and he could see each step he took away hurting Kris a little bit more.
Adam's back hit the wall and he really was well and truly screwed. Kris stopped just in front of him, their bodies so close but still not touching, and held out his hand, the small key in his palm for Adam to take. He took it slowly without meeting Kris's eyes.
Kris didn't move. He remained exactly where he was, still far closer than Adam wanted, and dropped his hand, averting his gaze to the ground as well, defeated, and waiting for Adam to leave. Adam was struggling again, always struggling. He had his way out of the room and he was still stood pressed against the wall and he had no fucking idea what to do.
Adam stepped away from the wall and Kris seemed to crash into him. He sidestepped to move around him but Kris's hands were gripping his arms tightly and he pressed his face into Adam's chest. They had been here before so many times in the dark, pressed together, the air thick with want and need -- but that had been a long time ago and Adam was fighting to remember that this was wrong.
“You don't have to go, Adam...” Kris's hands were working up Adam's arms, stopping when they fell on his chest, fingers digging in. “You could stay... I've missed you... I know you've missed me. You have, haven't you?”
Adam’s hands flew up to grip Kris's wrists, something in him refusing to give in so quickly. He had missed Kris, that was blatantly obvious now, but … there was no fucking way he was about to do this with someone who still, after all this time, had no clue what they were doing or what they wanted but...
Kris tried to struggle against Adam's hold but it was useless because Adam wasn't letting go. “You think it’s as easy as that, Kris? You really believe that you can admit you fucked up, that you not only broke my heart but now you've made Katy's life hell as well, and just come here and think I'll give in? You were supposed to make it work, Kris. The only fucking thing that got me through was the idea that maybe you weren't spineless and you could make it work with Katy and get on with your life!”
Adam dropped his wrists and pushed Kris away. “You think telling me all that makes me feel better? It just confirms you broke my heart and it was for nothing.”
There was nothing Kris could say in protest. He was too stunned and taken aback, the tears that had been threatening to fall falling now. Adam had seen enough, he had heard enough and he felt like the bad guy. He wanted to be able to just take Kris in his arms but it wasn't right and he didn't know how to reach Kris and make him see how wrong this whole thing was.
He pushed past Kris, fighting him off as he clutched onto Adam, strong and determined. But Adam was bigger and spun forcefully, shoving Kris to the ground with angry tears now in his own eyes. Enough was enough.
“Just stop it Kris. Stop.”
.
Author:
claire_kay
Rating: PG-13. Sticking to that even though Adam has a pretty filthy mouth in this one.
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Beta:
cpt_untouchable - << everyone should buy cookies for. :)
Summary: You can convince yourself time has healed, but the scars still show. Sequel to If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It. Which if you would like to read, you can find it HERE
Notes: HI. See that wasn't too long a wait was it? lol. ahm not many notes to say on this I am just going to post it and run away.... ooh thank you again for the comments. *huggles you all* they have made me smile because I've been sick the last few days. Harry Potter tomorrow though! eeps. who's excited? ME ME ME!! anyway... enjoy :)
Disclaimer: Danny Gokey owns Kris and Adam his just letting me play with them ;).... okay he doesn't really they belong to themselves blah di blah...
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Beat Your Love Out Of My Chest
Chapter Six: Wire To Wire
Adam could literally feel Kris everywhere, hovering over him, invading his space, his hands guiding their way across his body, mapping out every inch of skin. As Kris's hands found new places to touch, to provoke new responses in Adam, Adam felt as though he was falling over the edge, losing grip on his resolve.
The protest was right on his lips, ready to be spoken, but Kris seemed a step ahead of him, able to predict just what Adam was going to do next. Kris’s mouth was on his then, silencing everything Adam tried to say, shutting down every coherent thought.
When they broke apart, Adam heard his own whimper of disappointment echo through the room, breaking the silence, pleading for Kris to continue. Kris's breath was warm against his face, kisses trailing from his eyelids down to his jaw and then his voice was a soft whisper in his ear.
“I'll just hurt you again, you know...”
Adam jerked awake, the last image of Kris poised above him fading as his head spun and his heartbeat thundered through his chest. He breathed in deeply and shut his eyes tight.
Just a fucking dream. Another dream. Adam opened his eyes. It was dark in the room and his eyes tried to adjust as he searched around with his hands trying to figure out exactly where he was. He felt across the soft material on the bed and over to the bedside table where he fumbled across his cell phone, picked it up and squinted at the time. 3am.
The last thing he remembered was grouping everyone together for pictures, Matt and Danny falling over, and laughter coming at him from every corner of the room. He was still wearing the ugly plaid shirt he had borrowed from Danny and he pulled at it, suddenly feeling constricted by the heavy material.
He threw it across the room blindly and lay back down. Even though he’d closed his eyes he still felt like the room was spinning and there was a familiar ache in his chest, like he’d been gasping for breath when there was none. He clutched the material of the t-shirt he’d worn beneath Danny’s plaid and breathed in and out slowly, feeling the tension begin to ease.
He was slipping back under to sleep when Kris’s face was suddenly there again in his mind, this time full of concern and pain and desperation… He sat up again, quickly. He remembered Kris in front of him asking to talk, Adam pushing past him or at least trying, a tight grip on his arm and then a hot wave of panic.
Shit. Kris had been there. The one thing that Adam had been trying to hide from everyone was now out in the open and Kris was there and knew. He remembered hearing the panic in Kris's voice as he asked Danny what was going on, and that everything else around him had seemed frantic, but he hadn't cared because he was slipping under, oblivious to it all.
His eyes were adjusting to the darkness and he looked around the room trying to make out if anyone else was with him, remembering that the last time Danny had been present for an attack he’d gotten so freaked out that he refused to let Adam out of his sight. But he still couldn't make anything out, it was all a dim blur and he knew he had way too much alcohol to blame for that.
He reached over to the bedside table again, flicking on the small lamp to throw some light into the room. He shut his eyes, squinting as the brightness stung them, then blinked quickly and looked around, searching for something familiar. This wasn't his room. It was similar in design and the furniture matched his own, but it wasn't his.
The guitar propped by the door gave it away, because he knew that guitar. He didn't look for any other signs before he was off the bed on unsteady legs. He had to hold onto the wall to regain enough composure to try to make it out of here and back to his room.
“The door’s locked.”
He startled, turning around too quickly and it sent his head spinning again. Kris was sitting on the floor in the corner of the room, looking directly at Adam. Adam turned back to the door, fumbling with the lock before trying to pull the door open.
“It locks with a key.”
“Well, open it then,” Adam spat angrily. He wondered why, exactly, he was here with Kris; why Danny or Matt or anyone for that matter would have thought it was a good idea for Kris, of all people, to make sure he was okay. He didn't need or want anyone fucking looking after him. He just wanted to get out.
“No.”
Adam turned again to face Kris, the dizziness now gone completely in the face of the anger flooding through him. He walked steadily towards Kris, hand held out.
“Give me the key.”
“No.”
Kris was calm, his expression unreadable. He stood up slowly, edging his way closer to Adam. “I've only just gotten rid of Matt and Danny outside the door and you think I'm going to let you walk out without talking to me?”
Adam shook his head, disbelieving. He knew he could be overdramatic but he couldn't quite believe Kris had resorted to locking him in a room with him just so they could talk.
“I don't have anything else to say to you, Kris.”
Kris's bridged the distance so quickly that Adam had barely finished speaking before Kris was standing right in front of him, calmly composed. “Fine, then you can listen. But first of all, you tell me what that was downstairs.”
Adam shrugged. “I drank too much.”
“Bullshit.”
Adam’s jaw knotted. “It was nothing, alright?”
Kris sighed heavily. “Danny said it was a panic attack. He was telling Allison, she was scared... we all were...”
“Danny needs to keep his mouth shut.”
“How long have you been having them?”
Days, weeks, years.. Ever since you left me. Adam shrugged again, trying to downplay everything and keep it under the surface long enough for Kris to realise there was no point in this. If Adam could see so clearly that this was a losing battle then why couldn't Kris?
“How long, Adam?” Kris voice was soft and he stepped even closer until there was barely any space between them. Adam felt Kris' hand warm on his arm and he snapped it away, brushing past Kris to get as far away as he could in the small space.
“What do you want from me, Kris? Do you even care?”
“Of course I fucking care!” That was all it took for Kris’s composure to break into anger and desperation. Adam didn't want to see this. He didn't want to think of Kris worrying about him, wanting to know if he was okay. “I need to know if this is my fault, Adam... you aren't the same... I mean it's still you but it feels like there's this part of you that I don't know. That I'm missing.”
“Well you haven't been in the last three years of my life, Kris. You made your choice and you kept your promise, you stayed away. This is what you wanted. And people change, you know? If I've changed because of what happened with you then it’s none of your fucking business anymore. You took yourself out of my life and that was your choice, not mine.”
The pain etched across Kris's face after his words were almost too much for Adam. He wanted to look away and ignore the fact that he’d hurt Kris. And he wanted nothing more than to look at him and see his pain, and enjoy watching Kris feel it. He was completely fucking conflicted and it wasn't like him. He shouldn't have said any of it but it was too late to take any of it back.
Kris looked defeated and tired. “I thought I was doing the right thing. You're so much stronger than I am, Adam, and I had this whole life that meant so much to me and the thought of losing it... I was so scared of that, and...”
Kris stumbled over his words and Adam was glad. He wanted to block it out because he didn't need to hear this. He didn't want to hear it.
“Walking away from you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I was so selfish, Adam, because I just wanted to keep you but I wanted everything else to stay the same and I knew it wasn't fair to you. I thought I was doing the right thing. I never understood why you wanted me anyway, and I wanted you to find someone who deserved you. I didn't. I wasn't brave enough to be what you needed.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Adam's voice broke as he spoke. He just wanted Kris to be quiet because this wasn't going to change anything.
“I need you to know that it wasn't you. It was me. You deserved so much more than what I could give you. I loved you, Adam...”
“But not enough.”
Adam's words were sharp and this time he didn't care if they stung. He couldn't believe that Kris was so fucking stupid that he couldn't see that his confessions were only making everything worse.
“You loved me, but not enough to be with me. Do you think that makes it easier? It doesn't take away all the fucking pain, does it Kris. Do you really believe that telling me it’s all your fault and that you weren't strong enough actually matters to me? I would have taken you with every single fault because I loved you. I would have waited as long as you needed to before we told anyone...” He paced away, shoving his hands into his thick, black hair. “Even after all this time you’re still making excuses. You didn't choose me because I'm complicated and messy and you wanted something simple that wouldn't taint your perfect little image.”
Kris threw his arms up, his voice rising as he spoke. “You don't think I've had my own pain? I've had to convince myself for the last three years that I made the right choice when everything inside of me was screaming that I hadn't. I had to sit there and listen to Katy and my family talk about all these plans that I couldn't have been interested in if I tried, because all I could think about was you! Every time you’ve been on the radio or TV I've had to watch them sneer and turn it off and listen to the fucking things they mumble about you under their breath. You don't know what it's been like for me... every time I saw you… All those times you'd look at me like I was a stranger, watching you leave with some random guy -- and I know its all my fault because I chose this, but… I didn't know. I didn't understand what I was giving up...”
“Stop it. Just fucking stop it.”
Adam couldn't look at Kris anymore, trying to get out everything he needed to say, like this was the last time he would ever get to speak to Adam. But Adam didn't want to think about this, he didn't want to picture Kris in a world where everything had been hard for him. Where he had been in just as much pain as Adam had. It had already been such a struggle for Adam to try and hate Kris. Hate would be the normal thing to feel, he thought, but it had never gotten that far. There was only anger, frustration and sleepless nights and never feeling worthy and these confessions only made it harder to hate Kris.
He literally couldn't stand it. Kris looked like he was ready to break and fall to the ground and how the hell was Adam supposed to be the one who picked him up when he couldn't even keep himself in check?
The silence seemed to drag on and Adam wanted out of this damn room. It was suffocating him and so was Kris with his wide eyes bright with tears. It didn't even matter if Adam closed his eyes, Kris was still fucking there, his broken face pleading with him to somehow make things right.
“I've been just getting through each day. The best time is when I've been touring, that's the only time I ever felt free of it... free of guilt from staying with Katy but not really wanting to be there and of having left you. It was easier to forget on tour, caught up in all of it.” Kris lowered his head, finally breaking his eyes away from Adam the shame apparent in his voice.
“It was easy, Adam... to just forget about her... forget that I had someone waiting for me because I didn't need to think about, I didn't want to think about -- I can't believe this is what I've come to. I'd get back and Katy would be waiting for me, smiling and just so fucking happy to see me and I didn't care. She's such a good person and she doesn't deserve it, and over the years I've watched her fall further away from me. I didn't even try until it was too late... I tried to fix things and be there for her but she was already gone. I lost her a long time ago...”
Adam's temper was flaring up again and he just wanted Kris to stop talking. He was ready to break down the fucking door if he had to because he couldn't hear anymore without having to comfort Kris, and there was no way he would do that.
Then Kris was crossing over to where Adam was standing, and he was cornered in because the door was halfway across the room, not to mention locked. He stepped backwards as Kris moved forward and he could see each step he took away hurting Kris a little bit more.
Adam's back hit the wall and he really was well and truly screwed. Kris stopped just in front of him, their bodies so close but still not touching, and held out his hand, the small key in his palm for Adam to take. He took it slowly without meeting Kris's eyes.
Kris didn't move. He remained exactly where he was, still far closer than Adam wanted, and dropped his hand, averting his gaze to the ground as well, defeated, and waiting for Adam to leave. Adam was struggling again, always struggling. He had his way out of the room and he was still stood pressed against the wall and he had no fucking idea what to do.
Adam stepped away from the wall and Kris seemed to crash into him. He sidestepped to move around him but Kris's hands were gripping his arms tightly and he pressed his face into Adam's chest. They had been here before so many times in the dark, pressed together, the air thick with want and need -- but that had been a long time ago and Adam was fighting to remember that this was wrong.
“You don't have to go, Adam...” Kris's hands were working up Adam's arms, stopping when they fell on his chest, fingers digging in. “You could stay... I've missed you... I know you've missed me. You have, haven't you?”
Adam’s hands flew up to grip Kris's wrists, something in him refusing to give in so quickly. He had missed Kris, that was blatantly obvious now, but … there was no fucking way he was about to do this with someone who still, after all this time, had no clue what they were doing or what they wanted but...
Kris tried to struggle against Adam's hold but it was useless because Adam wasn't letting go. “You think it’s as easy as that, Kris? You really believe that you can admit you fucked up, that you not only broke my heart but now you've made Katy's life hell as well, and just come here and think I'll give in? You were supposed to make it work, Kris. The only fucking thing that got me through was the idea that maybe you weren't spineless and you could make it work with Katy and get on with your life!”
Adam dropped his wrists and pushed Kris away. “You think telling me all that makes me feel better? It just confirms you broke my heart and it was for nothing.”
There was nothing Kris could say in protest. He was too stunned and taken aback, the tears that had been threatening to fall falling now. Adam had seen enough, he had heard enough and he felt like the bad guy. He wanted to be able to just take Kris in his arms but it wasn't right and he didn't know how to reach Kris and make him see how wrong this whole thing was.
He pushed past Kris, fighting him off as he clutched onto Adam, strong and determined. But Adam was bigger and spun forcefully, shoving Kris to the ground with angry tears now in his own eyes. Enough was enough.
“Just stop it Kris. Stop.”
.