(no subject)
Title: The Sandbox Chronicles (19/20)
Chapter Title: Wiping it Away
Author: me
Rating: pg-13
Summary: It all started in a sandbox.
Disclaimer: i own none of this.
Author's Notes: i'm kinda proud of this chapter. now there's only one left and it's not really a full chapter. it'll be the epilogue, basically. thanks for all the comments and love! :) (apparently lj hates me. idk why it's showing up like that. it's weird)
Part 1: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/390471.html#cutid1
Part 2: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/393316.html#cutid1
Part 3: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/398624.html#cutid1
Part 4: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/405456.html#cutid2
Part 5: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/414654.html#cutid1
Part 6: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/423438.html#cutid1
Part 7: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/432194.html#cutid1
Part 8: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/458045.html#cutid1
Part 9: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/467226.html#cutid1
Part 10: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/474838.html#cutid1
Part 11: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/489055.html#cutid1
Part 12: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/495336.html#cutid1
Part 13: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/500830.html#cutid1
Part 14: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/508408.html#cutid1
Part 15: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/520579.html#cutid1
Part 16: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/551245.html#cutid1
Part 17: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/567986.html#cutid1
Part 18: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/584577.html
It’s too quiet.
Kris doesn’t like this quietness coming from his Katy who’s usually so perky and outgoing. But, of course, who would be perky after finding out their husband doesn’t know about them anymore? If he’s suddenly interested in someone that’s not another woman.
“Katy, please-” Kris goes to her but she flinches back, away from his touch. It hurts, just not as much as it should. He supposes he’s gotten over the initial rush of feelings that aren’t for Katy, instead for Adam, and he can’t help it if he likes it. He just wishes that Katy would understand a little better.
He told her. He told her everything the other day but today, of all days, the day of the first tour rehearsals, she shows up with an anger and sadness in her eyes that made Kris want to run and hide for the first time in his life. As she stands in front of him now, just outside of the rehearsal space, he wants to run. Like he wanted to run earlier when she showed up.
“Don’t, Kris,” she whispers and draws in on herself, small arms wrapping around her torso like she can hold herself together. Kris touches her shoulder anyway, ignoring the way she closes her eyes tight. A couple of tears leak out. He thought she would understand so much better than she is, but that was before he saw her in person. When he told her it was over the phone, in confidence, in the hopes that she wouldn’t go completely postal on him.
“Katy, I’m sorry,” he says, again, like he did on the phone that first time, and she snaps. The sadness is suddenly gone and she uncurls her arms, one hand coming up to connect with his cheek. Eyes wide, he stares at her as the stinging sets in. She stomps her foot and heads for the parking lot only a few feet away. “Don’t leave. We can talk!” Kris pleads, reaching for her. He manages to grab onto her elbow and she stops.
“Kris, you have feelings for Adam. I accepted that you might like guys a long time ago. But this, I don’t know,” she huffs out a breath, turning to face him. “It’s different now. In all the years we’ve been together you’ve never acted on any of those feelings because you love me and I know that.”
“But-” She touches a finger to his lips to quiet him.
“You just don’t love me the same way anymore. Am I right?” Kris hesitates but after a moment he nods his head in defeat. She’s right. She’s always been right. “Right now I really, really don’t like you, but,” she shrugs and Kris can see the feelings swirling around in her pretty eyes. Pain, love, understanding. “But we can make something work in time.”
“Katy, just, please, hear me out,” Kris holds onto her hand like his life depends on it. She gently shakes him off.
“You know, it’s not necessarily a guy thing now is it? It’s an Adam thing,” she raises a curious eyebrow as she fidgets where she stands.
Kris sighs, “Yeah.” He shrugs helplessly, chews on his bottom lip.
It’s at that moment that the back door to the building opens and out pops Adam, cheerful grin on his face. But it slides right off the moment he sees Kris and Katy. Kris raises pleading eyes to Adam, hoping for some kind of help. Adam shakes his head discreetly, then looks over at Katy. Katy’s glaring in his general direction and Kris suddenly fears not only for Adam’s ego but his crotch, too.
“You,” she mutters, pointing a finger at him accusingly. Kris stumbles behind her as she stomps over to Adam in her pointy high heels that could cause enough damage if she wanted.
“Katy, now calm down,” Adam holds his hands up in his defense and Kris idly thinks that he’s stupid for thinking that will hold back a mad woman.
“Katy-” Kris grabs her elbow again and this time she jerks away and keeps going.
She’s hiccupping through tears now, as she stands before Adam, pride probably a little bruised and her heart hurting just enough. Kris waits for the proverbial blow to the face or some other body part that he knows Adam is waiting for, too. It never comes. Instead, Katy stands on her toes to reach Adam, even in her heels, and she wraps her around his neck and holds tightly. Kris can faintly hear her whispering words in Adam’s ear. Adam goes still but then he’s hugging her back and Kris can’t believe that this is all going off without a fight between the two people he loves the most.
When they separate Adam looks as if he’s going to cry and Katy is crying harder as she turns, passes Kris, and heads for her car. Kris watches without saying or doing anything, knowing that he’s helpless. He can’t fix things. Not after confessing, not after spilling so much stuff into the open. "Katy!" he calls out. She stops, but doesn't look at him. "Can I call you later? Please?"
"Yeah. Sure," she mumbles as an answer then she's moving along at a faster pace. Kris can only watch as she unlocks the car, slides in, cranks the engine, and peels out of the parking lot. He doesn't blame her for being so upset and angry and frustrated. If he were in her position he would be feeling the same way.
The second he can't see her car anymore, Kris is turning to Adam, not caring about any kind of boundaries that had been set, and tucks himself into Adam's waiting embrace. Adam murmurs soothing words in his ear and for once he doesn't care how sappy it all sounds, he just wants to be here in Adam's arms because right now that's the only thing that feels solid, safe, now.
"Are you okay?" Adam asks after a few minutes of standing by the door hugging it out.
"I think I will be. I wasn't expecting her to come up here," Kris admits, chuckling into Adam's shirt but there's really no humor to it. Not now at least. "I think if she and I talk more we'll be just fine."
He can hope right now.
***
It takes two days for Kris to get the courage to call Katy up again. He tried and he tried after the first day of rehearsals but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. They talk for what seems like hours when in reality it's only forty-five minutes. Forty-five minutes for his relationship to end on a sad note.
That night Katy brings over the divorce papers to the hotel Kris has taken to staying at. He opens the door solemnly, the beginnings of peace with the situation settling in his heart and his mind. He can do this. They can do this. They weren't going in the right direction for a couple of months now, what with all the fighting and the arguments and not being able to work much out for the sake of the relationship. Divorce is better. They can get on with their lives and do what they want to do without the burden of an ailing marriage dragging them down.
Katy isn't there long. Just long enough to hand over the manila envelope, heavy with the papers, and to give him one parting kiss on the cheek and a tight hug. He doesn't say goodbye because he knows that they will see each other again someday, as friends and nothing more. It doesn't pain him anymore to think of a life without Katy by his side. He knows she'll always support him and he will always support her in whatever direction she goes in. If that direction is another husband and that family she's always wanted, then so be it.
She does say goodbye. That hurts enough to make him hug her again but then she's pulling away and leaving, her eyes dry but sad. He stays at the door, watches until she's around the corner to get to the elevators. He barely even notices Adam coming down the hall and touching his shoulder. "Come on," he mutters and guides Kris back into the room.
Kris lets himself be sat on the bed and he barely hears the door being shut with a soft click. He can't believe how...weird he feels right now. He thought it would hurt to have divorce papers handed to him, to be "served" as they call it. He was wrong. He isn't hurting but he isn't happy either. He's straddling the line; neutral ground. Right now he wants to be here, with Adam, just feeling the way he does and not have to worry about guilt pressing down on him anymore.
"Kris?"
Kris doesn't realize Adam is saying his name until Adam starts rubbing his palms in circles on Kris' thighs. It's warm and comforting. "Yeah? Sorry, spaced a little." His mouth quirks up in a slight smile, the first real one he's had in a couple of days.
Adam is tugging at the envelope in Kris' hands and he didn't know he had such a death grip on it. He loosens his hold, feels a weight settle around him for a moment. Until he signs those papers it won't go away. So he stands on his feet defiantly and reaches for the envelope back. Adam is reluctant to hand it over but Kris is grateful when he does.
"Gotta pen?" Kris asks absently, patting himself down to see if he has one of his own.
"For fuck's sake, Kris. You just got them!" Adam looks worried. Kris can see it. "Don't you want to sulk or something?"
Only Adam. "Adam, until these papers are signed I'm not going to feel any better than I do. I can't-" He hesitates, runs a hand through his hair. "I can't do anything until they're signed."
Adam bites on his bottom lip, worrying it between his teeth, and Kris wants to tell him to stop. But he doesn't. Adam reaches over to the small desk by the door and snatches up a hotel pen, tossing it to Kris. Kris walks the few steps to the desk, sits, twiddles the pen between his fingers. He looks to Adam for help but Adam shakes his head and sits on the bed. Kris sighs and opens the envelope with shaky fingers, then lets the papers slide out onto the smooth surface of the desk.
A small folded piece of paper is resting on top of the papers.
Swallowing hard, he picks it up and unfolds it.
Kris,
I hope you know that I do still love you. I know you say you still love me, too, but we both know this is for the best. You're in love with Adam. I can't beat that. I kind of figured we were out of touch even before you told me about what happened that last night in the mansion. I was hurt, yes, but I knew.
I knew that you had an Adam thing that wouldn't go away. So either it would go away, maybe you got it out of your system. Or you would decide you wanted him and not me. Of course it was the latter of the two. I can only hope that he'll love you just as much as you love him. I'm not worried about the two of you, at all. I know you will make the best decisions that are for you and your future. I should've known I wouldn't be a part of it, standing by your side as your wife. Now I can just stand by your side as your friend and Adam's friend.
We can discuss details for the apartment in Conway later. I've told my parents already and I talked to your mom. She told me that you told them everything. My parents aren't very happy with you but they still love you and your family and they still like Adam, too. I love you okay?
I'll always be proud of you. Know that and hold onto that. Tell Adam that I love him, too. Everything else he needs to know I told him the other day. Again, I love you.
Katy
He's crying silent tears by the end of it. With hands even shakier, he takes the pen and puts the note down. He shuffles the papers until he finds the spaces he needs to sign. It doesn't even sting to see Katy's neat cursive already on the spaces above the one's he is signing. When he's done he shoves the papers back in the envelope, slams the pen down on the desk, and shoves the chair back so he can go to Adam.
"Kris-" Kris cuts him off by cradling his cheeks, warm underneath his palm, and Adam blinks a few times like he can't see what's going in front of him. Kris smiles knowing this is what he gets to have now. He doesn't have to pretend anymore that he doesn't love his best friend of many years. He doesn't have to feel that guilt anymore when he sees Katy after wanting Adam.
"Don't say anything," Kris whispers. Adam clamps his mouth shut but smiles up at him. Kris doesn't smile back, though he doesn't frown or scowl or anything. He keeps his expression peaceful, calm, because that's how he feels now, staring into those blue eyes he's known for so long and knowing that he can have that now. Adam reaches up and wipes away the remaining tears on Kris' flushed cheeks with the pads of his thumbs and then pulls Kris down for a kiss.
It's everything Kris wants it to be. He seats himself in Adam's lap, not breaking the kiss or the hold he has on Adam's face. He settles until he's comfortably seated, knees on the mattress, thighs pressing in tight around Adam's. They're flush together and for the first time since all this started coming to the surface, Kris doesn't feel the need to try and get what he wants in a sexual way. If it happens that's a bonus that he'll think about later.
"Are you okay?" Adam asks. Kris sighs against his lips and barely moves back a centimeter.
"Like I've said before, we'll be fine. I'll be fine. If anything, I feel better." Kris opens his eyes and Adam is staring right back at him, eyes worried and full of care and love. "Thanks for being here." Kris smiles softly and sighs again.
"Why wouldn't I be? Unless, of course, Katy had gotten real mad and dissected some body parts, then I wouldn't be here." Adam lets out a breathy laugh and Kris can't stop the grin from spreading across his face.
"What did she say to you anyway?" Kris leans back enough that he can fully see Adam's face.
Adam sighs this time, a finger slipping underneath Kris' shirt and rubbing in short strokes across a strip of skin."She told me that if I broke your heart she'd come after me. She would personally hunt me down and make sure I pay. But mostly, she told me to make you happy."
"Adam, you've always made me happy. Even when we were kids and you saved Little Foot and played with all my stupid dinosaurs with me," Kris laughs. Adam laughs with him and Kris can feel things shifting.
Everything will be okay. They will be okay.
***
The next morning, bright and early, Kris sends the divorce papers back to Katy in Conway.
After that he doesn't think anything else of it. He attends rehearsal for the day, dodges sympathetic comments and hugs from all of his friends, and even manages to get them off his back for the rest of the day. When afternoon rolls around, he's tired of the questions from producers and his manager and the press that's already seemed to catch wind of his divorce. It doesn't really bother him but it becomes a nuisance. He can't even get to his car withouth being bombarded.
By the time night rolls around he's stressed and ready to collapse. He leans on Adam on the elevator ride to the room, moaning and groaning about how much he wants to punch the paparazzi. They're persistent. "What's so great about me getting a divorce anyway? And how did they get wind of it so fast?" Kris presses into Adam's side farther and sighs into his comfy shirt. "Where did you get this shirt? It's so soft," he mumbles and slides a hand over Adam's side.
"Kris, you need sleep," Adam chuckles, pulling him as close as possible. The elevator finally dings and opens. Adam guides Kris out with a supportive arm around his shoulders, fingers secure to keep him steady.
"I don't need sleep. I need de-stressing," Kris groans. Once the door to his hotel room is open he stumbles inside and goes straight for the bed, kicking his shoes and socks off along the way. Chuckling, Adam follows him. Kris starfishes on the bed, barely giving Adam room to sit.
"Sit up," Adam nudges Kris with the toe of shoe in Kris' thigh. Kris groans but sits up and crosses his legs underneath him. Adam crawls up behind him, kicks his shoes off, and settles there. Kris breathes slowly as Adam begins to knead the knotted muscles in his shoulders and neck.
"That feels good," Kris breathes, head falling back and resting on Adam's arm.
"I can't do anything with you leaning on me, honey," Adam says into Kris' ear. Kris shudders and, forgetting completely about de-stressing by massage, he turns so he's facing Adam on his knees.
Kris sways forward and cards his fingers through Adam's floppy hair, bringing him close and pressing their lips together. A hand comes to his back, supporting and bracing and comfortable. He grips onto Adam's hair a little too hard but Adam doesn't seem to care or notice: either way he holds on tight and gets lost in the kiss. "Adam?" Kris pulls back only slightly.
"Mmf, hmm?"
"Can we-" Kris drops his eyes to a spot on the bed over Adam's shoulder.
"What?" Adam prods.
"Uh, I want to-can we...ugh," Kris doesn't really know how to say it; he's never had to outright ask for sex before. With Katy it was a natural flow but with Adam he wants it right and he wants it good and to mean something more than just sex.
Then Kris sees something light in Adam's eyes. "OH....oh." While Adam contemplates Kris trails a finger over the contours of his face. He smudges away some of the light make-up Adam went with today and finds freckles. He's always loved Adam's freckles. As a kid he wanted to count them all because he thought that he and Adam would be best friends forever like that promise they made at the sandbox. Things changed and now Kris is getting the oppurtunity for forever again. "Kris, you just got divorced. I don't want to rush you into anything."
Kris smiles, shaking his head. "I want it. You know that."
"But are you sure you want it now?" Adam's fingers press into Kris' backside through his shirt and leather jacket. Kris shivers at the pressure.
"Yes," he answers truthfully. Adam looks surprised so Kris strips off his jacket and starts unbuttoning his shirt. Adam smiles, almost a smirk. He bats Kris' hands away, undoes the buttons himself, and Kris grins triumphantly.
And, finally, he gets what he really wants.
***
The next morning Kris wakes with a jerk. He blinks hard, trying to read the bleary red numbers on the alarm clock. He swats at the screeching device before it can wake Adam and smiles at the thought. He wiggles around, glad that he can feel the warm weight tucked behind him, a possessive hand wrapped over his hip. He's sore, but it's a good sore.
Sighing, Kris gently maneuvers so he can watch Adam sleep. Adam doesn't stir, just huffs out a breath and wiggles his nose, snuffles, and settles back down. Kris holds in his laughter. Adam looks peaceful. Even though his hair is sticking in about fifty directions from Kris running his fingers through it and gripping it so much last night, and even though there's eyeliner smeared on the corners of his eyes, he still looks peaceful and happy.
Kris licks his thumb and wipes away the liner in the corner of the eye he can get to. Adam snuffles again and unconsciously grips Kris' hip, pulls him closer. Kris wipes his thumb off on the corner of the pillow and goes back to wiping away the liner. This time Adam opens his eyes wide, then they soften and he smiles, and Kris thinks he wants to wake up to that forever.
"Morning," he mumbles sleepily.
"Morning," Kris says back.
"How do you feel?" Adam's voice is raspy, like he just spent too much time singing and not stopping for a rest. And really, Kris thinks, he kind of did if last night is any indication.
"Pretty good," Kris shrugs and keeps wiping away the liner. Adam closes his eyes, letting Kris wipe it all away by the pad of his thumb.
"What're you doing?" he murmurs after a moment. Kris shrugs again, too caught in what he's doing to answer just yet.
Once the liner is completely gone from that eye, Kris sighs contently. "Wiping it all away. I got bored watching you sleep."
Wiping it away. Kris likes the sound of that. He likes the idea that he's starting some things over. A clean slate. If anything, he's only continuing the journey with Adam that they started in that silly sandbox and those silly dinosaurs and those silly little kid moments. There was a start, a bump, and a restart. Another bump, and now smooth sailing. He wiped away the bumps in the road and now he can continue smoothly into the future because the future holds Adam.
"You're silly," Adam whispers, eyes slipping closed.
"I know." Adam sighs and Kris scoots to be even closer. He wants to touch and be close. "Hey Adam?" Kris asks before Adam can fall back asleep.
"Hmm?" Adam hums.
Kris traces a pattern into the hollow of Adam's throat, "I think I've kinda always loved you. This is what it took to make me see it."
There's no response. Kris looks up to see that Adam has indeed fallen back asleep, but there's a smile on his face. Content, Kris presses a chaste kiss to the corner of Adam's mouth and shuffles back down under the covers. It's warm and cozy and just right.
In only a few moments Kris is back asleep.
Chapter Title: Wiping it Away
Author: me
Rating: pg-13
Summary: It all started in a sandbox.
Disclaimer: i own none of this.
Author's Notes: i'm kinda proud of this chapter. now there's only one left and it's not really a full chapter. it'll be the epilogue, basically. thanks for all the comments and love! :) (apparently lj hates me. idk why it's showing up like that. it's weird)
Part 1: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/390471.html#cutid1
Part 2: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/393316.html#cutid1
Part 3: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/398624.html#cutid1
Part 4: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/405456.html#cutid2
Part 5: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/414654.html#cutid1
Part 6: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/423438.html#cutid1
Part 7: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/432194.html#cutid1
Part 8: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/458045.html#cutid1
Part 9: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/467226.html#cutid1
Part 10: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/474838.html#cutid1
Part 11: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/489055.html#cutid1
Part 12: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/495336.html#cutid1
Part 13: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/500830.html#cutid1
Part 14: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/508408.html#cutid1
Part 15: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/520579.html#cutid1
Part 16: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/551245.html#cutid1
Part 17: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/567986.html#cutid1
Part 18: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/584577.html
It’s too quiet.
Kris doesn’t like this quietness coming from his Katy who’s usually so perky and outgoing. But, of course, who would be perky after finding out their husband doesn’t know about them anymore? If he’s suddenly interested in someone that’s not another woman.
“Katy, please-” Kris goes to her but she flinches back, away from his touch. It hurts, just not as much as it should. He supposes he’s gotten over the initial rush of feelings that aren’t for Katy, instead for Adam, and he can’t help it if he likes it. He just wishes that Katy would understand a little better.
He told her. He told her everything the other day but today, of all days, the day of the first tour rehearsals, she shows up with an anger and sadness in her eyes that made Kris want to run and hide for the first time in his life. As she stands in front of him now, just outside of the rehearsal space, he wants to run. Like he wanted to run earlier when she showed up.
“Don’t, Kris,” she whispers and draws in on herself, small arms wrapping around her torso like she can hold herself together. Kris touches her shoulder anyway, ignoring the way she closes her eyes tight. A couple of tears leak out. He thought she would understand so much better than she is, but that was before he saw her in person. When he told her it was over the phone, in confidence, in the hopes that she wouldn’t go completely postal on him.
“Katy, I’m sorry,” he says, again, like he did on the phone that first time, and she snaps. The sadness is suddenly gone and she uncurls her arms, one hand coming up to connect with his cheek. Eyes wide, he stares at her as the stinging sets in. She stomps her foot and heads for the parking lot only a few feet away. “Don’t leave. We can talk!” Kris pleads, reaching for her. He manages to grab onto her elbow and she stops.
“Kris, you have feelings for Adam. I accepted that you might like guys a long time ago. But this, I don’t know,” she huffs out a breath, turning to face him. “It’s different now. In all the years we’ve been together you’ve never acted on any of those feelings because you love me and I know that.”
“But-” She touches a finger to his lips to quiet him.
“You just don’t love me the same way anymore. Am I right?” Kris hesitates but after a moment he nods his head in defeat. She’s right. She’s always been right. “Right now I really, really don’t like you, but,” she shrugs and Kris can see the feelings swirling around in her pretty eyes. Pain, love, understanding. “But we can make something work in time.”
“Katy, just, please, hear me out,” Kris holds onto her hand like his life depends on it. She gently shakes him off.
“You know, it’s not necessarily a guy thing now is it? It’s an Adam thing,” she raises a curious eyebrow as she fidgets where she stands.
Kris sighs, “Yeah.” He shrugs helplessly, chews on his bottom lip.
It’s at that moment that the back door to the building opens and out pops Adam, cheerful grin on his face. But it slides right off the moment he sees Kris and Katy. Kris raises pleading eyes to Adam, hoping for some kind of help. Adam shakes his head discreetly, then looks over at Katy. Katy’s glaring in his general direction and Kris suddenly fears not only for Adam’s ego but his crotch, too.
“You,” she mutters, pointing a finger at him accusingly. Kris stumbles behind her as she stomps over to Adam in her pointy high heels that could cause enough damage if she wanted.
“Katy, now calm down,” Adam holds his hands up in his defense and Kris idly thinks that he’s stupid for thinking that will hold back a mad woman.
“Katy-” Kris grabs her elbow again and this time she jerks away and keeps going.
She’s hiccupping through tears now, as she stands before Adam, pride probably a little bruised and her heart hurting just enough. Kris waits for the proverbial blow to the face or some other body part that he knows Adam is waiting for, too. It never comes. Instead, Katy stands on her toes to reach Adam, even in her heels, and she wraps her around his neck and holds tightly. Kris can faintly hear her whispering words in Adam’s ear. Adam goes still but then he’s hugging her back and Kris can’t believe that this is all going off without a fight between the two people he loves the most.
When they separate Adam looks as if he’s going to cry and Katy is crying harder as she turns, passes Kris, and heads for her car. Kris watches without saying or doing anything, knowing that he’s helpless. He can’t fix things. Not after confessing, not after spilling so much stuff into the open. "Katy!" he calls out. She stops, but doesn't look at him. "Can I call you later? Please?"
"Yeah. Sure," she mumbles as an answer then she's moving along at a faster pace. Kris can only watch as she unlocks the car, slides in, cranks the engine, and peels out of the parking lot. He doesn't blame her for being so upset and angry and frustrated. If he were in her position he would be feeling the same way.
The second he can't see her car anymore, Kris is turning to Adam, not caring about any kind of boundaries that had been set, and tucks himself into Adam's waiting embrace. Adam murmurs soothing words in his ear and for once he doesn't care how sappy it all sounds, he just wants to be here in Adam's arms because right now that's the only thing that feels solid, safe, now.
"Are you okay?" Adam asks after a few minutes of standing by the door hugging it out.
"I think I will be. I wasn't expecting her to come up here," Kris admits, chuckling into Adam's shirt but there's really no humor to it. Not now at least. "I think if she and I talk more we'll be just fine."
He can hope right now.
***
It takes two days for Kris to get the courage to call Katy up again. He tried and he tried after the first day of rehearsals but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. They talk for what seems like hours when in reality it's only forty-five minutes. Forty-five minutes for his relationship to end on a sad note.
That night Katy brings over the divorce papers to the hotel Kris has taken to staying at. He opens the door solemnly, the beginnings of peace with the situation settling in his heart and his mind. He can do this. They can do this. They weren't going in the right direction for a couple of months now, what with all the fighting and the arguments and not being able to work much out for the sake of the relationship. Divorce is better. They can get on with their lives and do what they want to do without the burden of an ailing marriage dragging them down.
Katy isn't there long. Just long enough to hand over the manila envelope, heavy with the papers, and to give him one parting kiss on the cheek and a tight hug. He doesn't say goodbye because he knows that they will see each other again someday, as friends and nothing more. It doesn't pain him anymore to think of a life without Katy by his side. He knows she'll always support him and he will always support her in whatever direction she goes in. If that direction is another husband and that family she's always wanted, then so be it.
She does say goodbye. That hurts enough to make him hug her again but then she's pulling away and leaving, her eyes dry but sad. He stays at the door, watches until she's around the corner to get to the elevators. He barely even notices Adam coming down the hall and touching his shoulder. "Come on," he mutters and guides Kris back into the room.
Kris lets himself be sat on the bed and he barely hears the door being shut with a soft click. He can't believe how...weird he feels right now. He thought it would hurt to have divorce papers handed to him, to be "served" as they call it. He was wrong. He isn't hurting but he isn't happy either. He's straddling the line; neutral ground. Right now he wants to be here, with Adam, just feeling the way he does and not have to worry about guilt pressing down on him anymore.
"Kris?"
Kris doesn't realize Adam is saying his name until Adam starts rubbing his palms in circles on Kris' thighs. It's warm and comforting. "Yeah? Sorry, spaced a little." His mouth quirks up in a slight smile, the first real one he's had in a couple of days.
Adam is tugging at the envelope in Kris' hands and he didn't know he had such a death grip on it. He loosens his hold, feels a weight settle around him for a moment. Until he signs those papers it won't go away. So he stands on his feet defiantly and reaches for the envelope back. Adam is reluctant to hand it over but Kris is grateful when he does.
"Gotta pen?" Kris asks absently, patting himself down to see if he has one of his own.
"For fuck's sake, Kris. You just got them!" Adam looks worried. Kris can see it. "Don't you want to sulk or something?"
Only Adam. "Adam, until these papers are signed I'm not going to feel any better than I do. I can't-" He hesitates, runs a hand through his hair. "I can't do anything until they're signed."
Adam bites on his bottom lip, worrying it between his teeth, and Kris wants to tell him to stop. But he doesn't. Adam reaches over to the small desk by the door and snatches up a hotel pen, tossing it to Kris. Kris walks the few steps to the desk, sits, twiddles the pen between his fingers. He looks to Adam for help but Adam shakes his head and sits on the bed. Kris sighs and opens the envelope with shaky fingers, then lets the papers slide out onto the smooth surface of the desk.
A small folded piece of paper is resting on top of the papers.
Swallowing hard, he picks it up and unfolds it.
Kris,
I hope you know that I do still love you. I know you say you still love me, too, but we both know this is for the best. You're in love with Adam. I can't beat that. I kind of figured we were out of touch even before you told me about what happened that last night in the mansion. I was hurt, yes, but I knew.
I knew that you had an Adam thing that wouldn't go away. So either it would go away, maybe you got it out of your system. Or you would decide you wanted him and not me. Of course it was the latter of the two. I can only hope that he'll love you just as much as you love him. I'm not worried about the two of you, at all. I know you will make the best decisions that are for you and your future. I should've known I wouldn't be a part of it, standing by your side as your wife. Now I can just stand by your side as your friend and Adam's friend.
We can discuss details for the apartment in Conway later. I've told my parents already and I talked to your mom. She told me that you told them everything. My parents aren't very happy with you but they still love you and your family and they still like Adam, too. I love you okay?
I'll always be proud of you. Know that and hold onto that. Tell Adam that I love him, too. Everything else he needs to know I told him the other day. Again, I love you.
Katy
He's crying silent tears by the end of it. With hands even shakier, he takes the pen and puts the note down. He shuffles the papers until he finds the spaces he needs to sign. It doesn't even sting to see Katy's neat cursive already on the spaces above the one's he is signing. When he's done he shoves the papers back in the envelope, slams the pen down on the desk, and shoves the chair back so he can go to Adam.
"Kris-" Kris cuts him off by cradling his cheeks, warm underneath his palm, and Adam blinks a few times like he can't see what's going in front of him. Kris smiles knowing this is what he gets to have now. He doesn't have to pretend anymore that he doesn't love his best friend of many years. He doesn't have to feel that guilt anymore when he sees Katy after wanting Adam.
"Don't say anything," Kris whispers. Adam clamps his mouth shut but smiles up at him. Kris doesn't smile back, though he doesn't frown or scowl or anything. He keeps his expression peaceful, calm, because that's how he feels now, staring into those blue eyes he's known for so long and knowing that he can have that now. Adam reaches up and wipes away the remaining tears on Kris' flushed cheeks with the pads of his thumbs and then pulls Kris down for a kiss.
It's everything Kris wants it to be. He seats himself in Adam's lap, not breaking the kiss or the hold he has on Adam's face. He settles until he's comfortably seated, knees on the mattress, thighs pressing in tight around Adam's. They're flush together and for the first time since all this started coming to the surface, Kris doesn't feel the need to try and get what he wants in a sexual way. If it happens that's a bonus that he'll think about later.
"Are you okay?" Adam asks. Kris sighs against his lips and barely moves back a centimeter.
"Like I've said before, we'll be fine. I'll be fine. If anything, I feel better." Kris opens his eyes and Adam is staring right back at him, eyes worried and full of care and love. "Thanks for being here." Kris smiles softly and sighs again.
"Why wouldn't I be? Unless, of course, Katy had gotten real mad and dissected some body parts, then I wouldn't be here." Adam lets out a breathy laugh and Kris can't stop the grin from spreading across his face.
"What did she say to you anyway?" Kris leans back enough that he can fully see Adam's face.
Adam sighs this time, a finger slipping underneath Kris' shirt and rubbing in short strokes across a strip of skin."She told me that if I broke your heart she'd come after me. She would personally hunt me down and make sure I pay. But mostly, she told me to make you happy."
"Adam, you've always made me happy. Even when we were kids and you saved Little Foot and played with all my stupid dinosaurs with me," Kris laughs. Adam laughs with him and Kris can feel things shifting.
Everything will be okay. They will be okay.
***
The next morning, bright and early, Kris sends the divorce papers back to Katy in Conway.
After that he doesn't think anything else of it. He attends rehearsal for the day, dodges sympathetic comments and hugs from all of his friends, and even manages to get them off his back for the rest of the day. When afternoon rolls around, he's tired of the questions from producers and his manager and the press that's already seemed to catch wind of his divorce. It doesn't really bother him but it becomes a nuisance. He can't even get to his car withouth being bombarded.
By the time night rolls around he's stressed and ready to collapse. He leans on Adam on the elevator ride to the room, moaning and groaning about how much he wants to punch the paparazzi. They're persistent. "What's so great about me getting a divorce anyway? And how did they get wind of it so fast?" Kris presses into Adam's side farther and sighs into his comfy shirt. "Where did you get this shirt? It's so soft," he mumbles and slides a hand over Adam's side.
"Kris, you need sleep," Adam chuckles, pulling him as close as possible. The elevator finally dings and opens. Adam guides Kris out with a supportive arm around his shoulders, fingers secure to keep him steady.
"I don't need sleep. I need de-stressing," Kris groans. Once the door to his hotel room is open he stumbles inside and goes straight for the bed, kicking his shoes and socks off along the way. Chuckling, Adam follows him. Kris starfishes on the bed, barely giving Adam room to sit.
"Sit up," Adam nudges Kris with the toe of shoe in Kris' thigh. Kris groans but sits up and crosses his legs underneath him. Adam crawls up behind him, kicks his shoes off, and settles there. Kris breathes slowly as Adam begins to knead the knotted muscles in his shoulders and neck.
"That feels good," Kris breathes, head falling back and resting on Adam's arm.
"I can't do anything with you leaning on me, honey," Adam says into Kris' ear. Kris shudders and, forgetting completely about de-stressing by massage, he turns so he's facing Adam on his knees.
Kris sways forward and cards his fingers through Adam's floppy hair, bringing him close and pressing their lips together. A hand comes to his back, supporting and bracing and comfortable. He grips onto Adam's hair a little too hard but Adam doesn't seem to care or notice: either way he holds on tight and gets lost in the kiss. "Adam?" Kris pulls back only slightly.
"Mmf, hmm?"
"Can we-" Kris drops his eyes to a spot on the bed over Adam's shoulder.
"What?" Adam prods.
"Uh, I want to-can we...ugh," Kris doesn't really know how to say it; he's never had to outright ask for sex before. With Katy it was a natural flow but with Adam he wants it right and he wants it good and to mean something more than just sex.
Then Kris sees something light in Adam's eyes. "OH....oh." While Adam contemplates Kris trails a finger over the contours of his face. He smudges away some of the light make-up Adam went with today and finds freckles. He's always loved Adam's freckles. As a kid he wanted to count them all because he thought that he and Adam would be best friends forever like that promise they made at the sandbox. Things changed and now Kris is getting the oppurtunity for forever again. "Kris, you just got divorced. I don't want to rush you into anything."
Kris smiles, shaking his head. "I want it. You know that."
"But are you sure you want it now?" Adam's fingers press into Kris' backside through his shirt and leather jacket. Kris shivers at the pressure.
"Yes," he answers truthfully. Adam looks surprised so Kris strips off his jacket and starts unbuttoning his shirt. Adam smiles, almost a smirk. He bats Kris' hands away, undoes the buttons himself, and Kris grins triumphantly.
And, finally, he gets what he really wants.
***
The next morning Kris wakes with a jerk. He blinks hard, trying to read the bleary red numbers on the alarm clock. He swats at the screeching device before it can wake Adam and smiles at the thought. He wiggles around, glad that he can feel the warm weight tucked behind him, a possessive hand wrapped over his hip. He's sore, but it's a good sore.
Sighing, Kris gently maneuvers so he can watch Adam sleep. Adam doesn't stir, just huffs out a breath and wiggles his nose, snuffles, and settles back down. Kris holds in his laughter. Adam looks peaceful. Even though his hair is sticking in about fifty directions from Kris running his fingers through it and gripping it so much last night, and even though there's eyeliner smeared on the corners of his eyes, he still looks peaceful and happy.
Kris licks his thumb and wipes away the liner in the corner of the eye he can get to. Adam snuffles again and unconsciously grips Kris' hip, pulls him closer. Kris wipes his thumb off on the corner of the pillow and goes back to wiping away the liner. This time Adam opens his eyes wide, then they soften and he smiles, and Kris thinks he wants to wake up to that forever.
"Morning," he mumbles sleepily.
"Morning," Kris says back.
"How do you feel?" Adam's voice is raspy, like he just spent too much time singing and not stopping for a rest. And really, Kris thinks, he kind of did if last night is any indication.
"Pretty good," Kris shrugs and keeps wiping away the liner. Adam closes his eyes, letting Kris wipe it all away by the pad of his thumb.
"What're you doing?" he murmurs after a moment. Kris shrugs again, too caught in what he's doing to answer just yet.
Once the liner is completely gone from that eye, Kris sighs contently. "Wiping it all away. I got bored watching you sleep."
Wiping it away. Kris likes the sound of that. He likes the idea that he's starting some things over. A clean slate. If anything, he's only continuing the journey with Adam that they started in that silly sandbox and those silly dinosaurs and those silly little kid moments. There was a start, a bump, and a restart. Another bump, and now smooth sailing. He wiped away the bumps in the road and now he can continue smoothly into the future because the future holds Adam.
"You're silly," Adam whispers, eyes slipping closed.
"I know." Adam sighs and Kris scoots to be even closer. He wants to touch and be close. "Hey Adam?" Kris asks before Adam can fall back asleep.
"Hmm?" Adam hums.
Kris traces a pattern into the hollow of Adam's throat, "I think I've kinda always loved you. This is what it took to make me see it."
There's no response. Kris looks up to see that Adam has indeed fallen back asleep, but there's a smile on his face. Content, Kris presses a chaste kiss to the corner of Adam's mouth and shuffles back down under the covers. It's warm and cozy and just right.
In only a few moments Kris is back asleep.