Pink haired Glorf wannabe;

HAHAHAHA right. Neither are we.

--II

P.S. Touch 'em. Go ahead. Reach under the robe and try, bitch. No one fucks with an Elrond and lives to have a normal life.

Elrond;

ok.

--II

Smoothie of my heart,

...we were conquered by a pink haired effeminate elf man? Some deep rooted recessive Noldorin gene tells me to kill myself, or take back what is mine yours Tolkien's Bri's ours ( Read more... )

Dear Rondowen,

You know I would never bother walking. Now who's this Rumpelstiltskin and are you sure he isn't Arwen's new husband? He doesn't look like the type to ship us off to Dol Gusdkfkjdfjkgbjhgb using standard shipping of all things. I might grow to like him. No, that's mold. Nevermind.

xoxo
Freudrond

My Darling Elrond,

I'm right next to you.

Love,
II.

Dear Imladris,

Our vacation will soon be drawing to a close, and perhaps my beloved original will begin updating again the week of August 17th, at earliest the 16th itself. His mun, however, would like to state that all her puppets are active and willing to castrate the cocksucker who says otherwise. Actually, that mostly applies to Eowyn, but ( Read more... )

Dear Arda,

Italy is pretty. We are prettier. Having wonderful time. Hope the ducks have gone. Will be royally pissed if Celeborn didn't clean the house like he promised--means Erestor will have to scrub overtime, which might be his job, but it's never Celeborn clean. Sex is so much better when taking place in a swaying lifeboat. Have been ( Read more... )

NO. We did not get knocked up again, we did not knock someone else up and make her our third in this relationship comprised only of the sexiest of the sexy, and I CERTAINLY DID NOT GET PREGNANT AGAIN. And Arthur, how dare you say that a mere mortal's fat pregnant boobs look anything like your mum's elf!boobies. For shame. That woman is some fat ( Read more... )

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!

ARWEN UNFUCKINGDOMIEL! ERESTOR!! REMEDY THIS NOW.

can't get a moment's peace no no go away for a few weeks for a foreign shagathon hear that a valar and a dwarf were fucking in front of our couch what the fucking hell is this world coming to swear to eru there will be a reckoning no, no, a fonging yes estel finally made ( Read more... )

Dear Imladris,

Having wonderful time. Sent souvenirs. Bought a big blue book with Pip Gamgee on the cover. Slightly hoping Sauron doesn't treat Boo Radley as mean as he treats little Pip Gamgee. But then again, they're both evil so I think they'll manage.... just fine... together. OH ERU! WHERE IS MY BABY?! I weep. Oooh room service is here. Must ( Read more... )