-
my birthday, my year, my beautiful playskool dollhouse
I turned 28. i'm officially going to have to start scaling back the aging process for my career's sake. I've been advised to back it up to at least 25. See, i'm over the prodigy hill. way over. i'm no longer precocious and ambitious and impressive. with every passing month, i feel like more of a disappointment to my childhood self, who already felt ( Read more... ) -
Every day is like this day.
I have cramps. For someone who spent the better part of my life ignoring menstruation as much as humanly possible, I seem to have now become someone who can't stop talking about it. How can I better predict it, to stave off my big-show-on-first-day curse? Ever since I learned that my period had an enormous effect on my voice, and that singing ( Read more... ) -
antiversaries: november 11 edition
one year ago today i was out at brunch with mickey and nina. i don't remember where we ate, maybe tom's? i think tom's. we were talking about relationships, about process, about the always-terrifying-often-valuable notion of "taking a break." it must have been a weekend, right? or no, i didn't have a job yet, so i guess it could have been any old ( Read more... ) -
vocal porn: anti-feminist? WHERE DO YOU STAND.
just kidding ( Read more... ) -
ANTIVERSARIES: stuck in fucking flatbush.
One year ago today I received what I think was the only email ian sent me after he left. Oh, until the one that said he was coming to get his stuff. One year ago this week, and for many, many weeks after, I woke up crying every morning, looking to see if he was on gchat or had emailed. Then I would try to get a job, babysit some kids, and fall ( Read more... ) -
my dad.
my dad called me at like, 3:30 to say he was on park avenue. so, i asked him if he would come by my office, and shockingly, he did. (for the first time in years.) he's in new york every single month for a meeting, and he NEVER visits or considers staying a night so we could hang out. remember i have another sister here too. and, it's generally ( Read more... ) -
take care of the space between.
if you read my last entry, you know that i once gave my beloved a mizpah pendant, to represent the bond between us. the inscription on it read "g-d watches between us when we are absent from each other." far from the christian-sounding banality of being "watched over" by g-d, the idea i was struck by when i chose to have the mizpah pendant made, ( Read more... ) -
antiversaries: fucking october 16th.
One year ago today right this minute, I was wasting the last hour I had with the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Wasted because I had that deranged urgency that comes from semi-conscious doomsday knowledge. I didn't *KNOW* it was the last hour I'd spend with him, but I knew, a little, or it wouldn't have felt so ( Read more... ) -
5769 round-up: small enough to cover with your hand.
this year, in more or less chronological order, I:
toured the country
wrote a song
got abandoned
got betrayed
wrote a song
got up
got a job
got sick
wrote a song
got some soup
wanted to die
wrote a song
went dancing
hurt people
wrote a song
broke myself
wrote a song
got a record deal
wrote a song
got a promotion
atoned
and also somewhere in there, though i can't ( Read more... ) -
nightmares.
it's no coincidence that after a) beginning to share my monster origin story on lj and b) writing a fucking mean email to some fucking unaccountable assholes - i had crazy dreams last night/this morning.
namely, i woke up at 7:30, went back to sleep, and proceeded to sleep through my alarm until 9:30 (when I'm supposed to get to work) because i was ( Read more... )