oh my god!!! i am so excited!!!! i wish i didnt have to keep it a secret!!!! something really exciting and wonderful is happening to me right now, its something that i have loved and been a small part of for a very long time. i just cant contain how happy i am!! i might have the chance to work on something that involves three or more of my favorite ( Read more... )

is it wrong to NOT be in a fight with someone? am i disloyal if i dont hate someone because my friends do? where do you draw the line? am i the type of person who does things just because other people wish i would? and if im not that person am i the type of person who doesnt stand up for her friends? when does obligation to others trump my ( Read more... )

i feel like such an idiot. when will i stop making these kinds of mistakes? i feel like im just always waiting for the fallout. i feel so stuck, but its not like there is much i can do about it. ugh, i need to stop moping and just face the music. jesus is tomorrow going to suck.

today its been five years since ryan died, five years. two days ago i found out my dad is dying of aids. i kind of just dont know what to do with myself, everything seems so harsh. i have so much to say but i just cant find the words to get it out, its like its stuck right there in my chest, this big ball of confusion and hurt. i dont know what ( Read more... )

so im posting this here because i know she doesnt read these.

i cant belive ive only know her little over a year, nikki and i got so close. and now she is leaving.

ugh. i cant talk about this right now, im going to have to do this post later.

i miss her and she isnt even gone yet... this is going to be hard.

its coming, i can feel it. i cant explain it, but i know, something horrible is coming. i feel it my bones and im terrified ( Read more... )

"Salt tasting tears ( Read more... )

i feel so stuck lately. i crashed my car, im not going on my road trip, and i feel like ill be working at chilis forever. it just seems like every time i get close to getting something acomplished i get set back before it happens. like climbling up a well only to fall back down just as you reach the top. i feel like im lost, i keep passing the same ( Read more... )

so what do you do? when either choice you make is the wrong one? what do you do when youre damned if you do and damned if you dont? you may be asking yourself what brought this on... the answer is pretty predictable actually... its my dad. in this latest intrusion upon my happy little world of non coping, my father has gone mental. litterally, im ( Read more... )

my life is cluttered and in chaos. so is my room. its been gradually getting messier and messier, and i just havent cleaned it. now im going crazy. i have too many things. i cant live like this. just things coming at me from all sides. no wonder my mind is all ajumble look at where i go to collect myself. thats it. im doing spring....well... summer ( Read more... )