I think i need to deal with something i've been ignoring. i've been taking a lot of aspects about living in pain for granted, and it's messing with how i interact with others and myself. i was talking to a friend, and he said "yes. that's because you've been tortured for the last five years. you live your days in what i can only imagine is agony. i ( Read more... )

So, I was going to do the “write 100 things about yourself” thing, but i find my attention span is sorely lacking. So i’ll do it in bits ( Read more... )

Make yours, then read mine ( Read more... )

There… is so much pain. The physical i can stand, it hits me bites me drags me to the ground and kicks me it the ribs. Then i cough blood and i cry and wander hallways of darkness and decay back up the surface. Hah! How familiar that game is. But when my friends hurt me, that’s what truly makes me psychotic. I just.. i can’t think normally. It ( Read more... )

I woke up and my left knee was out of place, strange, because my knees aren't a big trouble spot. I got it mostly in and got out of bed- and collapsed against the bed post as my knee buckled. I *can* limp along on it but.. i mean i've walked on ankles out of place before, and it was painful, yes, but this is so much MORE painful and my ability to ( Read more... )

My doctors appiontment went exceedingly well. I am most pleased. I got something i'm supposed to spray in my nose for this snarf-hack problem, and she perscribed an inhaler for what is apparently excercise-induced athsma. I also got a referal to the guy that understands EDS, so i can talk to him about this little rib-problem i'm having. So i should ( Read more... )

Why do i get so tired from carrying things up stairs? Not the breathing heavy exhausted tired. But a weary "i'm just going to sit now" that i haven't even done any real lifting to earn. My heart was jumping fast and light like a rabbits. Now it's slowed down but it's still going 100 beats per minute and it's even lighter, i can barely feel it. It's ( Read more... )

Suddenly, all of my personal relationships seem to be.. resolving seems like not the right word, but i can't find the one that is. Had a long talk with my best friend today, and realized just why i love him so much. We sat down and said "we need to talk about this" and we did. we cut through all the bullshit and figured things out. i had no idea ( Read more... )

I feel stupid and emotionally careless. i wasn't paying enough attention, and i hurt a friend without meaning to. he's asleep now, so we can't talk about it. fretting about it, i'm not sure i'll be able to sleep before the screming-tension demons get me and keep me awake in agony all night. on some level i think i want that, like if i'm not ( Read more... )

Stupid chest cold, hurts to breathe, can't even lay down and still breathe properly. how'm i gonna sleep? bastiches. man it's hot in here. i suppose three computers and a halogen lamp will do that. it's strange, there's shooting pain in my left wrist right now, a nice change from the aching rot. there was a character in the hitchhikers guide to the ( Read more... )