dear lauren ( Read more... )

I've been doing a lot of thinking this weekend. Ive been such at peace since wednesday, this has been a great vacation. Ive seen many friends Ive wanted to spend time with, spent time with my family. And I spent time with myself. I bought an ipod touch impulse buy (fucking target card). One of things that stopped with me after lauren was I stopped ( Read more... )

Last night I had a dream similar to others I have had about Lauren. I ask her why she didnt leave me and Jen a quick note. What she was thinking about when she put the dogs away. She doesn't ignore me but she won't give me answers.

My mind rarely moves from Lauren. I have been dreaming about her nightly which hasn't happened in awhile. I find myself giving myself a treatment plan and trying to follow it but my thoughts still fall short and return to her. I'm ready for whatever emotions this brings but it's definitely started. I can't believe this was her last day of life ( ( Read more... )

i havent felt like this since march, i couldnt even tell you my emotions in feb. i dont even remember what february felt like. what anyone said. what i did in school. i was a shadow of myself for a long time. i dont feel like i did then, but i havent been this insane regarding lauren in months. is it march yet? they werent lying when they said ( Read more... )

Lauren to her mom 10/9/09Since you can not listen to what I have to say ( Read more... )

03:37 pm ( Read more... )

I havent updated in 3 months. there's a lot of entries I kept on private pretty much yelling at Lauren so I was writing a lot during then... I had this dream about her last night that I want to document because dreams fade and they have so much meaning. We and when I say we... it's me, Derek, Greg maybe, and a couple of Cooper's (wtf??) friends, ( Read more... )

now everyone really does have to listen to me bc if not they will be going against the advice of a qualified health professional and now who would really want to do that??

Today I found out I made the biggest accomplishment of my life and passed the crc exam. 3 weeks after lauren died and my life was turned upside down. I had these plans to study for months in advance (or atleast feb) and of course this didnt go as planned. but with a lil helper and hours on end at wegmans with mbwana I fucking did it and now I have ( Read more... )