Things have been quite intense. I feel I always say this, but it’s true. I moved from Ann Arbor to Columbus last weekend. Changed jobs, I am now a real assistant professor. Trying to understand where I am trying to go in the grand scheme of things.

On the 1st of August I also to Heidelberg to see this guy I’ve been dating since end of February ( ( Read more... )

Shit's been weird and I don't have the patience to type everything out. there's anxiety, compassion, empathy. I just returned from Europe. I don't know how the world will look like in a few months, I just hope it will be ok.

I got shitfaced on Saturday and I think I am just starting to get my brain chemicals back in place. It was rough. I keep having kinda dark thoughts about life, relationships with others and things like that. At times, I feel kinda stuck, like I am stuck in my patterns of thinking and thus, it's not possible to get out of the same loops that I've ( Read more... )

I am having trouble doing some things - like I want to write about a certain topic but I get kinda, performance anxiety. I get stuck on formatting and I don't know what else. I have an idea but then because there are so many things I get concerned about - like, where to publish it, where to write, how to write, that I end up not doing it. Which ( Read more... )

It's as if it has vanished -- my necessity to write, to understand what's going on in my head. I gave up trying to understand, is that what I ought to infer? I don't know man, it's just, too much effort, too much pain. To articulate things. Articulating things is the first step towards understanding towards change, but it has become more and more ( Read more... )

the weight of a choice
is most heavy
while it can be undone.
so i let time pass slowly
stubborn and angry
I keep my hands crossed
resisting the urge to
waiver in uncertainty.

I will write a proper entry soon. Been writing a lot on my paper journal.

You can always strive to be better, it's "just" a matter of energy. My supply of energy has been very sporadic, very unpredictable ( Read more... )

On the speakers the playlist "Time capsule" is playing. It's the killers - somebody told me. Despite making the 14 year old version of me cringe, I kinda dig it ( Read more... )

These last few days have been strange, a strange haze of busyness which was not been necessarily pleasant. I need to (re)think many things, that is one conclusion. I find myself repeating: Need to figure stuff out. But if you repeat the same words too much, they kind of stop making sense, making impact. It becomes like a hum in a conversation. Like ( Read more... )

1. don't humble brag
2. don't put others down
3. don't share your pain willinilly